There once was a lady, Ms. RichWho suffered always the same itch -
To give it a scratch
She'd eat teenage snatch
That dirty, cunt-licking bitch!
There once was a maid from MoroccoThe poet comments, "HUNGRY?"
The poet comments, "Got a lot of classics, and putting a limerick page on my site"
The modern cinematic emporium
Is by no means the merest sexorium
But a highly effectual
Heterosexual
Mutual masturbatorium!
The poet comments, "My favorite"
The poet comments, "I hear the term was first "aired" on the show "Friends". Any earlier derivation?"
Not that we've heard of...
The poet comments, "This is one form of a classic limerick that I heard in college."
One fine day in June
Bill Clinton took Gore to his room
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what ,and with which, and to whom!
The poet comments, "I'ts been so long I can't remember if it was one of my original ones or not"
It's a variation of a classic "A faggot who lived in Khartoum/took a lesbian up to his room."
There was an old sailor named Gum
But Gum had respect for the dead,
And nightly, when all were in bed,
He’d snort him some snot
And rinse off the rot
By giving old Cappy some head.
A beautiful blond from Sun Valley
My baby’s like me, poor and reckless.The poet comments, "The gift that keeps on living... Hope I made proper use of the term, Sage."
Yep, that's it. Next task, "going commando". (Toast Point learned a lot of new sexual terms lately.)
The poet comments, "Couldn't resist it."
Through the fence he could see in the backyard
What he saw made his dick grow real hard
Three girls slowly stripping
To go skinny-dipping
The fence-- electric--the tip of his dick was charred!
There once was a man from Tangier
Who made everyone tremble with fear
It seems in bad weather
Wearing shorts made of leather
Lightning would shoot out of his rear!
There once was a girl named Louise
Who was an incredbile cock tease
She'd walk around bare
So all guys could stare
But did absolutely nothing to please!
There once was a girl named Goldie
Who wasn't too young or too oldie
But no one would fuck her
Finger or suck her
Cause her pussy was green and all moldie!
There once was a lady, Ms. Rich
Who suffered always the same itch -
To give it a scratch
She'd eat teenage snatch
That dirty, cunt-licking bitch!
The poet comments, "The next few limericks are of the Walt Disney version."
There once was a rodent named Mickey
Who wanted Minnie to suck on his dickey
For 2 hours she protested
The his gland she digested
And what resulted left both of them stickey!
So sad was poor Donald Duck
Because he was down on his luck
His girlfriend Daisy
Drove him real crazy
As she continuously denied him a fuck!
After sleeping with Sir Galahad
She decided he wasn't half bad
But fret she did not
Because Sir Lancelot
Had the other half and much more to add!
The poet comments, "I seem to have strayed, I'll be going back now!"
"My dear friend," exclaimed the Mad Hatter
"Whatever is the matter?"
The Doormouse said, "Well, see"
"I've contracted H.I.V."
Boy, you should have seen how fast they did scatter!
Said Minnie to her hubby Mickey
"I have a hot spot I'd like you to lickey."
Before her legs spread
Twixt her knees was his head
Making her all slimy and stickey!"
Said Pluto to his master Mickey
"Here's what you should do with your dickey."
"Shove it up my anus"
"No one can restrain us"
"C'mon teach your dog a new trickey!"
Said the Dwarfs to their friend Snow WhiteHappy was the first to begin
He stuck his dick in with a grin
He stroked in and out
Finally did spout
And shot his load all over her chin!
The next dwarf in line was Doc
She then gently straddled his cock
Up and down she did bounce
Then swallowed every ounce
Of his hot, molten, gelatinous schlock!
The third dwarf to bang her was sneezy
Needless to say the conditions were breezy
In his own funny way
He was a good lay
But, when finished, he was tired and wheezy.
The fourth dwarf to mount her was Grumpy
Who was always in the mood for a good humpy
He did her with style
On her face put a smile
And covered her with jism that was lumpy.
The next one to fuck her was Bashful
Who claims he was brought up in Nashville
When she saw his bit
She damn near did shit
And knew she was in for a gashful!
The sixth dwarf to pork her was Sleepy
But first he had to go peepy
Then performed a great stunt
Licked her ass, fucked her cunt
The whole thing was really quite creepy!
Dopey was the last dwarf to do her
But he had no clue how to screw her
He got coaching from Doc
In control of his cock
But he damn near stuck it right through her!
Snow White was sore and content
After being fucked by seven small gents
But when she arose
To put on her clothes
She was all alone, they all went!
Poor Goofy was feeling dejected
For his penis he couldn't get erected
No matter what he tried
It was as if it had died
I guess it just felt too rejected.
Said Gepetto to his puppet Pinocchio
"How would you like to fly to Tokyo?
It's all up to you
All you've to do
Is give my big dick a strokio!"
Toast Point suspects that Doogie's the one who put the penis on the Little Mermaid video box.
Said Fred about his girlfriend's beaver
"The only way was to deceive her,"
"But she caught on real quick,"
"Grabbed hold of his dick,"
"And chopped it off with a meat cleaver!"
Said Scully to her boss Skinner
"How would you like to join me for dinner?"
So they went out and ate
Then right around eight
At his place she made him a sinner!
Toast Point gently suggests to the poet that he concentrate on quality, not quantity.
The poet comments, "I thought your man was Bill?....."
If your asshole is longing for cock
If cock sucking is what you like best
You have come to the end of your quest
You can wiggle and squirm
And swallow my sperm
As I fuck down your throat with great zest.
If you'd rather jack me off with your hand
Grab hold and strike up the band
Ten feet it will spurt
In squirt after squirt
And my feeling will be really grand.
If your lady thinks two's better than one
Lets shed clothes and get on with the fun
I'll fuck her quite proper
Whuke I suck on your whopper
We'll come many times ere we're done.
Bozo, we got several copies of the first verse, but none of the 2nd.
The poet comments, "Dear Sage, Everytime I use the term "felch" I find myself grateful for your generous edification."
The Sage comments that edification of sexual terms is his purpose in life. Next we'll discuss the pearl necklace.
Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet
You mount the throne and take a seat,
You give a big push
And out of your tush
Comes a liquified Mexican treat.
We children would often times snicker
Max Clime was a lover so slick,
He'd Mobius curve his whip dick;
His girl friend would cry,
Oh my, oh, oh, my--
You've set me aflame double quick.
A ghost still around an old house,
A virgin whose flame wouldn't douse:
She possessed a cat,
But caught just a rat--
She's howling at the moon for a spouse.
Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet
Nor is it very discreet
No matter what you try
You kiss your ass good bye
As well as your balls, dick and feet!
An anonymous poet online
Has every right to opine
But if he can't take a joke
His dick he can stroke
The obnoxious, penis-pumping swine!
Twenty thousand leagues under the sea
Seems pretty deep if you ask me
But my girlfriend's peeper
Is 12 leagues deeper
And in it, you can scuba for free!
Said Delilah to Samson, "Your hair
Has grown pretty bushy down there
It's really quite thick
I can't see your dick
Are you sure that it's even there?
A privileged client's attorney
Was wheeled by on a hospital gurney
Cause he propositioned sex
From the hot wife of Lex
And got hit in the groin with her knee!
A goldfish whom circling frustrated
Couldn't believe how long he had waited
For a female to swim by
And give him the eye
So he gave up and thus masturbated.
Said a dentist, "Ma'am, please open wider!
Nurse, I can't get my penis inside her
Her pussy's too tight
Stretch it open a might
Then I'll be able to ride her!"
The whole trouble with airlines is planes
Cause the seats are all covered with cum stains
The bathrooms are too small
To eat, suck, and ball
And that's why everyone complains!
Mathematics: of sciences, queen
That, my friend, remains to be seen
I think anatomy is better
You can get a girl wetter
By licking her thighs and what's in between!
While swimming across the Zambezi
I noticed a girl who was really sleazy
She said,"Master the river"
"I'll give you my quiver"
Just the thought of it made me real queasy.
A curious mammal's the beaver
If my wife didn't have one, I'd leave her
Cause there is no doubt
That I won't live without
If she leaves, I'll chop it off with a cleaver!
Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr
Were talking one day in a bar
"Lewinsky, you sucked
Now Ol' Willie is fucked
The question now is just how far?"
There once was a whore from Dublin
Who discovered somethin' very trublin
She'd caught a disease
Which looked like string cheese
And out of her cunt it was bubblin!
Said one girl to another in class
"Have you ever been fucked up the ass?
Cause I did it last night
And it seemed all right
But it gives you a bad case of gas!"
The poet comments, "I told you there was more to come. Did I use enough of the given opening lines, huh?"
A young girl, all her money was spent up
And her frustrations she did keep well pent up
Said her landlord, "Here's a shock
If you don't suck my cock
I'm gonna hafta raise your rent up!"
There once was a girl named Clarisse
Of whom every guy wanted a piece
Big tits and nice ass
Oozed nothing but class
Unlike her nymphomaniac niece!
The poet comments, "One more for the road."
A philosopher, finding a stone
Was as giddy as a dog with a bone
He traded it for
Three nights with a whore
To this very day he's still lying prone.
If Shakespeare were writing today
I think he would be quite blown away
By all the publication
About fornication
Be it hetero, bi-sexual, ot gay.
A nubile young Finn who went skiing -
His penis, he was frequently freeing...
When girls would ski by
He'd unzip his fly
And show them a sight worth seeing!
The poet comments, "Clinton's thoughts: Hey, this bombing shit is really cool. Depends on your definition of bombing, of course. Anyway, it's for the children. Did we hit all the aspirin factories where what's-his name Benny Ladin is hiding? I'd like to duct-tape that bastard Starr to a cruise missile. Nah, too obvious. We'll have him commit suicide like Vince. Hey Al! Call the chinaman and tell him he's late with his payment. Geez, I sure miss those blowjobs."
An anonymous poet online
Pens filthy pap, I must opine.
But this trash about butts
And eager hot sluts
Makes me laugh - so it must be fine!
Said Delilah to Samson, "Your hair
Hides such an incredible pair,
I'll clip a few snips
So my eager lips
Can travel wherever they dare!
The poet comments, "There's a first time for everyone! My first limerick."
There once was a guy named Fred
Who thought he was better off dead
Till he met a girl, Di
Who unzipped his fly
And gave him the very best head.
The poet comments, "There's more were this came from."
The poet comments, "THIS IS FUNNY"
The poet comments, "As Haiku:
old Baso, who wrote
some haiku, was not fussy
or prissy like you:
he could be quite lewd,
or touch on the crude... he pined
to taste pleasure anew."
This Baso who hung out with whores,
Did not have American mores
His verses were tough,
Full of rough stuff,
Which earned him a lot of applause.
The poet comments, "As Haiku:
This Baso who hung
out with whores, did not
have American mores:
his verses were tough,
full of rough stuff, which earned him
a lot of applause."
There once was a man from Sidney
Who stuck it in up to her kidney-
Then a man from Quebec
Stuck it up to her neck -
He had a big one, didn't he?
There once was a man from Cancun
Who was born nine months too soon,
But he didn't have the luck
To be born by a fuck -
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon!
There once was a man from Kent
Whose cock was so long it was bent!
To stay out of trouble,
He'd stick it in double
And instead of coming, he went!
The poet comments, "Credit belongs to Mark Hyman."
In winter we nestle like spoons,
Darling, I’m sorry that your inj-The poet comments, "It actually happened."
The poet comments, "Chanted this one in college as a drinking song."
Toast Point, ever so gently, points the poet to the Hints on Limerick Structure.
At last he met Grandma Kate,
Who consented to go on a date.
He was much younger,
But oh, such hunger.
Granny smiled and could hardly wait.
He rocked her and he rolled her,
Even though she was much older.
He kept his eyes closed
While pussy he nosed,
Dreaming of girls young and colder.
Sara, we have no idea why you got caught in that loop. If this keeps happening, let us know.
A sister who lived in a cloisterThe poet comments, "Will you print gay ones?"
Of course!
The poet comments, "Thank goodness I have finally found ya'll."
A neighborhood boy, young Mickey,
Had boogers incredibly sticky.
His nose it was mined
For glue so refined,
We scarcely considered it icky.
The poet comments, "It's best to write what you know about......"
A masochist by name of Hank,
Often frequents the House of Spank.
The girls they do whip
Til he comes in a drip
With nary a kiss or a thanks.
The poet comments, "I love working with the limitations of a strict structure."
While swimming across the Zambezi
I knew life would never be easy,
For down on my dick
Ten leeches did stick,
And the snake up my butt made me queasy.
The poet comments, "The secret life of Indiana Jones?"
The poet comments, "Nice to find this page again... I's been a while!"
Welcome back!
Although he was good with his mouth,
An unfortunate lady named Dot
Had an overabundance of snot.
But it wasn't her nose
That dripped onto her clothes.
From the smell I'd say it was her twat!
There once was a man we called Decker
Whose nose was as long as his pecker.
His girlfriend named Babs
Didn't mind 'bout his crabs,
'Cause his schnoz surely wouldn't infect her!
I was so enamoured with Randall
That I let him insert a big candle.
But then came the match
Which burned up my snatch.
I guess now I'm too hot to handle!
The gnu's a bit shaggy, it's true,
But well known and quite popular, too.
In France he's adored,
But Italians are bored,
And frequently ask, "What's a gnu?"
To a whore, a young fellow named Clyde
Said, "I'll pay if new sex you provide."
Her glass eye she took out,
And she said, "Without doubt,
Here's a fuck that you never have tried."
He gave her the dough from his pocket,
And his prick she slipped in the socket.
Before he could blink,
She gave him a wink,
And his pecker went off like a rocket
"My God!" shouted Clyde as he blew,
"I must have another such screw!
For more cash I must go."
And the harlot said, "So
I'll be keeping an eye out for you."
John Hickey received some nice flowers
From Clinton, the man of great powers.
This would be eclectic;
He's shown he's dyslexic.
He meant to give hickeys to Flowers.
A dour old dwarf named Fritz,
Was burned right where he sits.
That happens, they say,
When you get in the way
Of a dragon, just as he spits.
There once was a lecherous plumber
Who boasted to every newcomer,
How he went about smelling
(I blush with the telling)
Girl's bicycle seats in the summer.
There once was a fellow named Greg
With designs on a young lass named Meg.
"Let's do it doggy style,"
He said with a smile,
So she made him sit up and beg.
There once was a man from Rangoon,
Who tried to fart his way to the moon.
Seems he flopped as a rocket,
Shit in his pocket,
And died in a rectal typhoon.
As he lay in the tub broken-hearted,
The queer tried to hold back, but farted.
It made him so sick
To see the Vaseline slick
Of his long lost lover departed.
A promiscuous hiker, Louise,
Scratched an itch she just couldn't appease.
Her torrid affair
With a grizzly bear
Left her muffin infested with fleas.
To add to the two -- Death and Taxes --
With AIDS everywhere -- Prophylaxis.
As sure as is breathing,
No sex without sheathing;
Death/Taxes and now no bare access.
Analysis proves it just fine;
The French way of love is divine.
To add to the fun,
Try seventy one;
Sixty nine plus two more and some wine.
They say it's according to Hoyle.
Before you should dipstick her oil,
It's OK to tease,
But remember disease,
And be sure to wrap it in foil!
Well-groomed Wanda betook her the trouble
Of mantaining hairstyles double.
Above, she'd insist
On a stylish French Twist,
But she coiffed up her snatch with a bubble.
A gallant young cocksman named Nick,
Is known for his prehensile prick.
He takes the thing out,
And waves it about,
Without using his hands...What a trick!
A dog, busy licking his crotch,
Thought to himself, "What a botch!
I keep showing my owner
How to handle my boner,
But he'd just rather sit there and watch!"
Jesse Helms is a nasty old prune.
His face surely isn't rough-hewn.
In fact, the fascist fucker's
Face tend to pucker
Like he's been sippin' cold piss off a spoon.
Emboldened by your corporate ambitions,
On all fours, you confirm my suspicions.
With your buttocks a-gleaming,
You give a new meaning
To the phrase "entry level positions."
My girl friend gives me a lay
And then she is done for the day.
I feel like a dunce
Only doing it once,
But practice makes perfect, they say.
Her teeth are like corn too long cooking;
Big nose fit for overnight booking;
She may look like Rover,
But when she bends over,
She really ain't all that bad looking.
"Of apples," God warned them, "be wary.
They can make situations quite hairy."
But I doubt that's the fruit
That gave them the boot;
More likely 'twas only a cherry.
When we left the pool, she was brazen.
And when I undressed, she was gazin'.
That water was cold,
And Lo and Behold!
My grape had turned into a raisin.
There was this young boy named Fritz,
Who has orgasms each time he shits.
"This not knowing
If I'm coming or going,
Is driving me out of my wits.
Emily was a good friend;
I enjoyed her right to the end.
I really do miss her,
But I'd never kiss her,
Not after where her lips had been.
When I think about what Descartes said,
You exist where you are in your head --
It is perfectly clear,
That I'm not really here;
I am inside your panties instead!
A lady friend wanted a screw.
Flat-headed, I just wouldn't do.
She settled instead
For Phil Phillip's head.
He tightened her up a bit too.
That thing you see smiling at you,
And that you're attempting to woo,
Is the end of a horse.
You could do it, of course,
But it's shameless self-love if you do.
I'm sorry to hear you're so ill.
I know this is painful, but still,
You won't be down long.
In case I am wrong,
Please tell me if I'm in your will?
She said to herself, "What's his age?
The guy is a wit and a sage."
The girls when they chatter,
Say, "What does it matter?
That stud should be kept in a cage."
When Jonah went into the whale,
He was spit out again, whole and hale.
But that is for looks
And the sale of good books.
I bet he was shat out the tail!
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