The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Since 1995!
Naughty Entries from January, 1999
from Poets Who Should Be Deposed for the Impeachment Hearings!!
Sandy Shalott writes 01/30/99
There was a man named Cleaver
Who loved to feel his beaver
But when it wept
It was so unkept
In some rubber he endeavoured.
The poet comments, "I want some money!"
H writes 1/30
Execrable Excretion
A chancre-pocked bedridden whore
Developed a putrid cunt-sore.
Her sheets and her cooze
Got crispy with ooze
And stalagmites formed on the floor.
The poet comments, "Top that, you lame newbies!"
Conch writes 01/30/99
A carpenter named Bobby Gene,
Had a member both rare and obscene,
The gals thought it swell,
It drove bolts home as well
Loved by all as a screwing machine.
A young trollop named Lysistrata's
A habit of giving head gratis.
We hear her enthuse:
"I give thanks to Zeus
That my mouth's not as loose as my twat is!"
The poet comments, "I wrote this one in 1992. It's the only limerick I've ever devised that
was any good; I'd love to see more with a classical bent."
A musical lass from Arabia
Would play "Die Forelle" or maybe "A-
Pres midi d'un faun"
All she needed, she'd yawn
Was some paper, a comb, and her labia!
ROMSMOM shares classics 01/25/99
There once was a man named Kent
Whose d*ck was so long it was bent
To stay out of trouble
He'd stick it in double
Instead of cumming he went!
A Rabbi who lived in Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wike said " Oy Vey "
If you keep on this way
The Messiah will come before you do!
There once was man named Springer
Whose testicles got caught in the wringer
He hollered in pain
As they rolled down the drain
( in a high voice ) There goes my career as a singer!
There once was a man named Bruno
Who said "Screwing is one thing I do know
Oh, women are fine
And sheep are devine
But Llamas are numero uno!"
One of Toast Point's favorites!
There once was a man from Dealing
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
Then like a trout
He'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling.
There once was a man from Sprocket
Whose dick got caught in a socket
His wife, the old bitch
She flipped on the switch
And his ass lit up like a rocket!
Mikey shares a classic 01/25/99
Beneath the spreading Chestnut tree
The village idiot sat
Amusing himself
By abusing himself
And catching the drops in his hat!
The poet comments, "Technically, this ain't no limerick. Still, its 5 lines, and although there's no
rhyme in the first 2 lines, the 2nd 2 lines rhyme, and 5 rhymes with 2.
Ok, OK, close, but no cigar. (not a reference to Monica)"
It's doggerel, and doggerel is always welcome.
Shithouse Poet writes 01/24/99
There once was a millwright named Mac
Who loved to look at men's crack
So he went for a scrub
With his hand on his chub
And said "boy, I wish I had one like that!"
The poet comments, "This is for a certain tradesman that works out of EAP Windsor Operations Ford Motor Company Of
Canada"
Violette writes 01/23/99
There was a young man clad in plastic.
His sexuall styles were quite drastic!
Handcuffed to the bed
He'd f*** 'till he bled
Then beg to be whipped with elastic!
There once was a boy who liked yeast
And bread was only the least
He got him a ho
She had sour dough
So he spread 'em and had him a feast!
The poet comments, "ok so my best friend really wrote this but i had to share"
Pass along the gold star to your friend, then!
Mikey writes 01/20/99
The young lady tickled my chin
And said, "Would you like to get in?"
I said "Oh you bet"
Then broke in a sweat
And worried like hell about sin!
Outside the hard rain was a-fallin"
In my bed we laid about ballin'
When the lightnin', she struck,
It sure ruined our fuck
And set up a great caterwaulin'!
I once knew a girl named Pleasant
Who was from the town of Mount Pleasant
Receptive was she
To my earnest plea
What a joy it was to mount Pleasant!
The poet comments, "I used to drive through the town of Mount Pleasant, Texas all the time and that made me come up
with this."
There was a man from Cape Tongas
Whose balls were really humongous
He required a sling and a hoist
And a wheelbarrow, of course
In order to walk among us!
Popsicle shares a classic 01/17/99
A lovely young starlet named Smart
Was asked to display oral art,
As the price for a role.
She complied, met this goal,
And then sank her teeth in the part.
There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock.
When he got an erection
He could play a selection
By Johann Sebastian Bach.
A bearded old biker named Charlie
Took a very long ride on his Harley
He knew that his hog
Created no smog
'Cause he ran it on hops and malt barley!
He rode through old West Virginia
Which is very far from Gdynia
He picked up a girl
Whom he took for a whirl
And when done said,"I'd like to get in ya."
There was an old lecher named Boone
Who took his Viagra too soon.
The hooker was late
And he was left to his fate.
He was found on the floor in a swoon.
Tom Avenell writes 01/16/99
Now, the loveliest ladies in Visalia
Are best known for snug fit genitalia.
When you enter their space,
You well know it's a race
To see who first makes point interalia.
The poet comments, "Thank you for your web site. I am an amatuer who just started creating limericks - really fun!"
Welcome aboard!
Kranbollin writes 01/16/99
There once was a young man from Dallas
Who so frequently fondled his phallus
That the organ turned red
Then it blistered and bled
And developed a very large callus.
Mikey writes 01/15/99
Once was a man named La Fong
Who had a most bodacious schlong
High testosterone
Caused a permanent bone
And the ladies won't leave him alone.
Mikey, sweetie, the last line needs to rhyme with the 1st and 2nd.
Miss Lewinsky and Clinton went far
With their sexual acts most bizarre,
But the substitute phallus
I thought was quite callous
As you can't light a soggy cigar!
Dear Monica, I have to confess
We have made such a terrible mess
How would we know
When you gave me a blow
That it would end up all over your dress?
The poet comments, "You can't swing a dead cat without finding a Clinton limerick these days."
John Chastaine writes 01/14/99
If Shakespeare were writing today
About Toastpoint, I know he would say,
Include my Limericks,
With the assorted pricks,
That came here to lyrically play.
A boatman by the name of DeFarge
Had a pecker exceedingly large.
He was arrested one day,
For public foreplay,
With two pleasure craft & a barge.
Whacked writes 01/13/99
Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr
Were out for a night in a bar
With Trippy onlooking
Ken and Mon started cooking,
Smartly spewing into a jar!
Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet
And on the bus, it isn't so neat
Riding tween towns
With my head hanging down
The shit spewed all over my feet!
Cebo writes 01/13/99
There was once a brave knight of Camelot
Who liked to use his hands a lot.
He was often seen,
With Guinevere the queen,
And no one was quite sure about Sir Lancelot.
Mikey writes 01/13/99
There was an old ape in the zoo
He had a humongous wazoo
When erect, it was scary
All scabrous and hairy
It frightened the elephants, too!
Mikey shares a classic 01/13/99
Once an old geezer from Boston
Went for a ride in an Austin
Just room for his ass
A small can of gas
His balls wouldn't fit so he tossed 'em.
The poet comments, "Many may not of heard of the Bantam Austin, pre WW2. When I was
quite young, it was the butt of many jokes."
There once was a lady named McBagg
And to all the ladies she did brag
"My breasts are sizeable
And easily recognizeable
I never have to wear a name tag."
The poet comments, "It's actually about a friend of mine whose nickname is Slum Bag,
it may be too much effort to explain it all..."
There is a lady who you'll
See sucking the tool of a mule
When the mule does bray
She had best get away
Or she'll gag on a pool of its spew'll!
The poet comments, "I wrote this after somebody posted a sequence onto a mailing list that
I subscribe to. The sequence showed a naked woman "performing" on a donkey
and then gagging when the beast climaxed."
The Foaming Sponge writes 01/13/99
There once was a White House intern who said,
"I've been in the Chief Executive's bed,
And three times a day
Bill Clinton would say,
'Come here, baby, give me head.'"
Mikey writes 01/12/99
There was an old man in Brazil
Who swallowed a little blue pill
It gave him a charge
Made his penis grow large
And he gave all the ladies a thrill!
Anonymous writes 01/12/99
A curious mammal's the beaver
But the one's women carry are teasers
Men lose their shirts
When girls lift their skirts
And then chop off their pricks with a cleaver!
"Hey, waiter, my soup's got a fly in!"
He's swimmin, or it looks like he's tryin
And speakin of flies,
I may unzip mine
Cause my snake with me wants to dine.
Bluebird writes 1/12
THE NAME OF THE GAME
Shuttlecock, also known as badminton,
Is the favorite game of Bill Clinton.
While his bird's been around,
Many ladies have found,
Though it's bent, it shows no signs of quittin'.
Knott Wright shares a classic 01/11/99
The exiled Queen of Bulgaria
Had a crotch that grew hairier and hairier
When a young man named Tucker
Decided to fuck her
He had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
The poet comments, "Wonder if it was worth it."
There was a young man from Bombay
Who was laying his girl on a sleigh
The weather was cold
His balls, they froze
So all he could shoot was frappe'.
Harry Blum shares a classic 01/10/99
There was a young man from Adair
Who was laying his wife on a stair
The bannister broke
He doubled his stroke
And polished her off in mid-air!
As Titian was preparing the matter
His model climbed up a ladder
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and had her!
There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave or convex
It could screw either sex
And jerk itself off in between.
The poet comments, "Really enjoy"
Knott Right shares a classic 01/08/99
Let us now broach a ferkin to Durkin
Addicted to jerkin' his gherkin
His wife said, "Now Durkin
By jerkin' yer gherkin
Yer shirkin' yer firkin, you Bastard!!!
The poet comments, "Sorry, but I guess the last line begs for poetic license ...."
Knott Wright writes 01/08/99
"The Impeachment" has moved to the Senate -
And Clinton still thinks he can win it -
But Trent Lott wants to see
Inside Monica's "V"
To check if Bill's cock is still in it.
Steel Bishop shares a classic 01/08/99
There once was a bloke from Van Geeling,
Who would pound his pud with great feeling!
Then, like a trout,
He would stick his mouth out,
And wait for the drops from the ceiling!
Steel Bishop writes 01/08/99
Now that poor pothead from Australia,
His dong's much shorter, I tell ya!
He's sworn off coke,
Since damaging his poke,
Claiming total genital failure!
Funky Monkey writes 01/07/99
Why Monica, love your blue dress!
But my dear what is this white mess?
I know you and Billy
Got silly with his willy
But why can't you two confess?
Oddo Von Schlong writes 01/07/99
A philosopher, finding a stone
Bent over to look with a groan.
This caught the eye
Of a bull passing by
Who drove him straight to his home!
If Shakespeare were writing today
He would write in a much different way.
No concern for the phonics
He would write in ebonics
"What Up! Poor Yoric!" he'd say.
Mathematics: of sciences, queen -
Exactly what does that mean?
Are math guys all gay
Or in some other way
Of sciences: number two, on the scene.
Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr
All in search of the elusive cigar
One would just feel it
The other would steal it
While Ken sniffs the evidence jar.
Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet
For the things that it does to your seat
Makes your fundament sore
Like your ass has been bored
By a dick made of solid concrete!
Said Delilah to Samson, "Your hair
Turned me on when it used to be there...
Now to realize my fears
A dick with two ears
Takes its place on your shoulders so fair!
The whole trouble with airlines is planes
That's why everyone always complains
Cause carry-on's blow
And you know they should go
Up the passengers asses sideways.
Nott Right shares a classic 01/07/99
One fine morning Mahatma Gandhi
Had a hard-on, and it was a dandy.
So he said to his aide,
"Quick, bring me a maid,
Or a goat, or whatever is handy!"
There once was a girl named Louise
Whose cunt hair grew down to her knees
The crabs in her twat
Tied the hair in a knot
And constructed a flying trapeze.
Publius writes 01/07/99
Starr's attackers are forming a mob.
They all hate him for doing his job.
In spite of Bill's mess
On Monica's dress
We are told we should CREDIT the slob!
Judge Thomas was said to have lied,
And Packwood was chased till he flied.
Condemnation so hearty
All depends on your party,
Since Willie still gets a free ride.
H writes 1/6
The Mystery Bulge
There was an old man from Orleans
Who sprouted a bulge in his jeans.
He’d walked in the park
‘Till long after dark
But couldn’t locate the latrines.
At the bar on Rigel 7
An alternate universe thrives
In which I may lead other lives.
My beck is my call!
Now pour a high-ball!
(They’re *much* cheaper than hyper-drives.)
Suckin' the Monkey:
The mate went to drink a night-cap.
He fished out cap’s crank with a grap.
He had to suck hard.
The piss-pipe was scarred,
‘Cause cappy had died of the clap.
Yo Mama
Don’t know what is so fucking cool,
Unless it’s the tip of my tool.
It seems there’s a draft
From yo momma’s aft.
Her fart-blasts are drying her drool.
She told me I was pretty sweet,
Yet misses your miniscule meat.
No wonder. Her bung
Now leaks spunky dung -
The kind that she tells me you eat.
Jed's Chamber-Pot
A crippled old captain named Jed
Once kept a dead ram near his bed.
His crew thought him queer
When stuffed up its rear,
But Jed was just using the head.
Happy New Year!
There once was a girl named Louise,
Whose cunt hair hung to her knees.
The crabs in her twat
Tied it into a knot
And made thamselves a flying trapeze!
Judging from the submission above, this appears to be a classic, not a new one.
Why Monica, love your blue dress!
The Prez upon it has made a mess!
His aim should have been better,
While dictating that letter,
Else he wouldn't've had to confess!
The poet comments, "And if he had've 'fessed up, he wouldn't be in the mess he's in now..."
Steel Bishop shares a classic 01/06/99
There once was a girl from Hoboken
Who claimed that her cherry'd been broken,
By riding a bike
Down a cobblestone pike,
But it had really been broken from pokin'!
ODDO VON SCHLONG writes 01/06/99
A privileged client's attorney
Who predictably called himself Bernie
Said "Lapsis linguae
gives all things away
so you might just end up on a gurney!"
"Hey, waiter, my soup's got a fly in!"
Whadda a stupid fuckin' place for him to die in
This ain't no damn joke
He's doin' the breast stroke
Cause the soup's so hot that he's fryin'!
Said a dentist, "Ma'am, please open wider
Cause here comes the skin-covered glider
The pink steel drill
The unpickled dill
A gift from your service provider!"
The poet comments, "For those of you that have had problems with HMO's"
While swimming across the Zambezi
I encountered something thick and quite greasy
A translucent glob
An island of gob
Of the goo that comes out when ya squeeze me!
An anonymous poet online
In a really short period of time
Can compose something lewd
Usually quite crude
Except all those limericks of mine!
An eagle whose wings had been clipped
"I'm short", he quite dryly quipped
"not only my wings
But afew other things
Like my beak and my balls and my dick!"
Why Monica, love your blue dress!
The one that you never get pressed
The babie's breath spray
Of your Clinton bouquet -
Or did a bird just shit on your chest?
Conan the Librarian writes 01/06/99
When Monica visited Bill
The heat could be sensed on the Hill.
But by Bill's definition
He needs no contrition -
The see-gar is unlighted still!
Steel Bishop shares a classic 01/05/99
There once was a young man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon.
He didn't have the luck
To be born by a fuck,
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon!
The poet comments, "I won the limerick contest at the final fire for the 1994 Pensic Wars. Those of you out there who are
in the SCA know exacly what I'm talking about..."
There once was a young girl named Anheiser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
Pabst took a chance
And found a Schlitz in her pants,
And now she's sadder Budweiser!
The poet comments, "For all you beer fans out there!"
TK shares a classic 01/02/99
There once was a Bishop from Puno
Who said "There is one thing I do know
Little girls are all right
Little boys are too tight
But the Llama is Numero Uno!"
Tony Davie writes 1/2
The Nubian Nun
A nubile young Nubian nun
Would lift her black habit in fun;
But though she was bare
Underneath, none knew where
Habit ended, and nun had begun.
And Bluebird continues...
Regarding that Nubian nun,
Who played peekaboo on the run;
I'd say rather smartly
She acted most tartly.
(Forgive me for stooping to pun.)
Rhubarb shares classics from the Pentatette archives
by Al Willis
That part of the bod is unsung,
But the thought of it keeps me quite young.
The name I can't tell,
But it does have a smell,
And it's right on the tip of my tongue.
by Bob Giandomenico
The legs, as the body's main prop,
Are essential to stand, walk, or hop;
And they've been so designed
That when seen from behind,
The bottom, you'll find, is on top.
by Raymond Driver
There was an old bullfrog from Prague
Who sat by the road on a log.
"Come and kiss me," he cried
To a princess he spied;
So she did and turned into a frog.
by Mark Levy
"Can you increase the size of my clit?"
Said Anita, somewhat of a twit.
"See, my husband's so small,
I can't feel him at all,
And the S.O.B. can't fuck for shit!"
by Tom Patton
Said Dr. Blum, a West Virginian
While he examined Dan O'Binion,
"You may well get the fidgets
When I insert two digits,
But YOU asked for a second opinion.
by Mark Levy
Behold a remarkable sight:
And IRS guy who's polite;
If fact he's quite gay,
One thinks that he may
Create a new kind of "tax bite"!
from Biblical Limericks
When Cain in a fit of vexation,
Slew Abel, divine condemnation
Was swift and gave pain;
If he tried it now, Cain
Would likely get three years probation.
by Elrod Warrick
A lady named Eve wasn't heedin'
Or didn't know much about readin'.
She ignored a clear sign
That said, "Here Do Not Dine",
And got her ass thrown out of Eden.
by Rick Kaplowitz
Back in Eden on that fateful day
God: "Where's Eve?" To which Adam did say:
"Sex surpasses my dream,
Now Eve's down in the stream."
God: "Damn. The fish will all smell that way."
by John R. Colombo
An eloquent young man named Demude
Said, "The family allowance is crude;
Every time a Quebecker
Whips out his old pecker,
Some taxpayer in Ontario gets screwed.
by Al Willis
He expected his lust would be realized
When he hit on the lady who tantalized.
He said, "Hey, pretty legs!
How do you like your eggs
In the morning?" She answered: "Unfertilized!"
by Norm Storer
They have simplified law for the gentry
Who want everything elementary.
Now rape's an offense
That makes much better sense:
It's a subclass of illegal entry.
by Arthur Deex
An old archaeologist Throstle
Discovered a marvellous fossil.
He knew from the ratchet
And the knob that would catch it,
'Twas the pawl of Peter the Apostle.
by Tom Patton
A virgin of the female gender
Died because the doc couldn't mend her.
Her epitaph
Engendered a laugh;
"Returned unopened to sender."
by Bill McKeon
A guy who would not run with women
Said, "Women should walk or go swimmin'.
You know it's a fact--
They tend to distract
With their bouncin' and shakin' and shimmin'."
by Bob Giandomenico
A wild bucolic sex kitten,
Whose beau, with her charms, was so smitten,
He suggested some head,
She smiled shyly and said,
"Are we talking 'bout givin' or gittin'?"
by Tom Patton
On meeting each girl, he thought, "Could he?"
Disregarding the question of "Should he?"
His pants would reveal
His permanent zeal,
So that's why they all called him "Woody."
by Arthur Deex
A globe-trotting man from St. Paul
Made a trip to Japan in the fall.
One thing he found out,
As he rambled about,
Was that Japanese ladies St. Taul.
by Bob Giandomenico
A sentry on guard in a thicket,
Met a milk-maid exposing her wicket.
In exchange for some coins,
He united their loins,
And soon after became a pocked picket.
by Norm Storer
A lust for the feminine cavity,
Some chastise as willful depravity.
But surely the fact
That bodies attract
Is due not to sin, but to gravity.
by Irving Superior
Telegraphy became a hit.
It's first three notes dit-dah-dit.
If they'd dit-dit-dit-dah,
They would have gone far,
But Ludvig Van had copywrit.
by William N. Nesbit
Galileo said, "My inquest proves
That the Earth is the object that moves.
But THE INQUEST, alas,
Will fry my mortal ass
If the power in Rome disapproves."
by Al Chaplin
This Earth with strange folk does abound,
Who think the Earth's flat and not round,
And it seems they cannot
Tell, I'm sure you know what,
From a hole which you find in the ground.
by Al Chaplin
Beggs sampled the chef's treat Chinese--
Lee's sauce with two eggs, it did please.
"This angle," said Beggs,
"With two equal eggs,
I believe is a nice sauce o' Lee's."
by Tom Patton
An environmentalist, O'Boyle
Gave her kids Ex-lax and castor oil.
She wanted her brood
To return all the food,
Directly back to the soil.
by Al Chaplin
Archimedes while dipped to his waist,
Tried screwing a mermaid in haste.
But he failed to account
For his weight in the mount,
Which equaled the water displaced.
by Tom Patton
A fat lady who called herself Sue
Hadn't bathed since the year '92.
She thought she'd an aura
Of fauna and flora;
She smelled like the St. Louis Zoo!
by Mark Levy
It pains me that girls with a brain
Will choose from rough sex to abstain;
What can give them displeasure
Is another man's treasure,
Like the spreader, the whip, and the chain!
by Tom Patton
There's a young Spanish girl named Donna
Who'd a most irritating persona.
She'd trouble and vex
The opposite sex
And promise to screw them manana.
(tomorrow never comes and neither did she)
by William N. Nesbit
Brother Borr said, "Indulgence and fun
I eschew," but cloaked truth in pun.
"I am sober, and choose
To abstain from all booze.
As for pleasures of sex, I have nun."
by Loren C. Fitzhugh
Far better than cure is prevention,
At least that was once the contention.
Though it does seem to me,
What with rife STD,
That prevention equates with abstention.
(STD - sexually transmitted diseases)
by William N. Nesbit
The Baptists can't hide their chagrin
Now that Disney treats roomies as kin.
So they boycott the house
Of the Anti-Christ mouse,
'Cause the mouse condones living in sin.
by Tom Patton
Disney OK'd the Gay Pride parades
Causing those Southern Baptist tirades.
"We'll shun the house
Of that Mickey Mouse,
And his goofy friends, the gay blades.
by Bill Talmadge
The young man's new penis dilator
Was bought with hope he could sate her.
But when tested in action,
Her dissatisfaction
Proved a serious satyr deflator!
by Martin Wellborn
Your Honor," said Ms. Paula Jones,
"On the pretense of answering his phones,
He asked me to watch
While he unzipped his crotch,
And he then tried to jump on my bones."
by David So
There was a young woman named Stacey
Who somehow endeavored to chase me.
She was right in her prime
And she fucked so divine,
That the ring on her finger escaped me.
by John Miller
A silver-tongued poet, quite oft
Lured a score of young girls to his loft.
First to visit the bard
No doubt found it hard,
But the rest, it is said, had it soft.
by Anonymous
I enjoy making love to a dame
With a fine callipygian frame.
I'll admit if I must
To some lust for the bust,
But the feeling just isn't the same.
by Cruelty Jones
A construction worker thought it a howl,
To address women with language most foul.
Till a dyke on a bike
Took a dislike...
There's now a beer can in his bowel.
by Ed Rich
There was a damsel in a dress,
Who caused quite an uproar, I guess.
Her skirts, they did fly, clear up to the sky.
The exposure was rare, but we didn't care.
The big derriere was uncovered and bare,
And everything else was a mess.
by John Miler
I abhor the onslaught of snow,
When the cold makes a man...well, you know,
Shrivel up like a raisin.
I find it amazin'
There exist any young Eskimo.
by Jim Thompson
With delicious breasts she is graced--
Her nipples are honey to taste;
My wife's pair is small,
But I'm pleased after all,
'Cause more than a mouthful's a waste!
by CB
Kathy Gifford has been in a stew--
With her ex, she's have nothing to do!
So bid Ellen Degeneris,
Dreaming of her 'mons veneris'
"Kathy, can I be frank with you."
by John Miller
Growled Pa Bear, "Someone's been in my bed!"
"And mine," Ma said, "Look at that spread!"
Baby bear, most polite,
Gently put out the light.
"Nighty night, folks," was all that he said.
by John Miller
As a kid, when we rode on the bus,
Deep questions we'd often discuss:
"Would it come off divine,
Or just blow out her spine,
If Superman did it with Lois?"
by Katie Frame
That fellow who kept a dead whore
In his cave, I suppose on the floor:
True, he'd save lots of money,
But what good's a dead honey,
'Cause her blowjobs ain't shit anymore.
by Chris Papa
Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims' first feast,
In the frigid and nasty Northeast;
They were warmly dressed,
Though I would have guessed,
The Indians were wearing their least.
Verbatim, Lang Quart 1990
Twin sisters, named Coral and Carol,
Were laid out in their finest apparel.
Their life had been moral;
For Carol a chorale
Was sung, and for Coral, a carol.
by Martin Hubbard
My semi-demented Aunt Alice
Went to dine at the archbishop's Palace;
But she fell into sin,
Drinking far too much gin,
And pissed in his second-best chalice.
The Archbishop, surprised, said, "O daughter!
You have done what you shouldn't have oughter;
And in cases like this,
While we don't call it piss,
I'll be damned if it's quite 'Holy Water.'"
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