Woman Man

The Toast Point Limerick Contest!

Since 1995!

Naughty Entries from September, 1998

from Poets Who Smoke Treated Cigars!

Sam Pittman writes 09/30/98

"Wanna blow job?" she elided
As into her mouth she guided
The tumescent tool
Of the horny first fool
And on into history they glided!

The poet comments, "(c) 1998 Bob Moers I'm almost ashamed."

Phanmail writes 09/30/98

Said Bill to the intern, "Smoke some
Of my se-gar - I don't want to - Come
Back Kid! Or a stain
On your dress could explain
To Ken Starr that you chew more than gum!"

The poet comments, "My words speak for themselves."

Anonymous shares a classic 09/29/98

There was a young priest from Paree
Who went into the garden to pee.
Said he, "Pax Vobiscum!
I can't make my piss come.
It must be the C -L-A-P!"

Jeeves writes 09/29/98

A scraggly old bag named Louise
Had a pussy encrusted with cheese
Her residual piss
Made limburger and swiss
And she'd give you some if you said "please"!

The poet comments, "You have raised the standards for a "star" considerably..."

Is that a good thing or bad?

Plato writes 09/29/98

gold star! An old Texas preacher called Zeke
At length taught his asshole to speak!
Oft' times it was liable
To quote from the bible,
But chili would make the thing shriek!

Sam Pittman writes 09/29/98

He warned her, "It might leave a scar
If you let it burn down too far
It may burn your clit
If you leave that thing lit
That's no way to smoke a cigar!"

gold star! She smoked a cigar like no male
But I have a mind for detail
I asked without guile
As I gave her a smile
"You smoked, but did you inhale?'

In the grand White House ediface
There's a scandal to rival Oedipus
In a most chancy game
Our own Billy came
In Monica's oval orifice!

The poet comments, "(c) 1998 Bob Moers"

Darren Kirby shares a classic 09/29/98

There once was a woman from eilng
Who had a parculiar feeling.
She laid on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling!

The poet comments, "BEEFCAKE"

JuMpIn' JaCk writes 09/28/98

There was an old codger named Graft,
Who became exceedingly daft,
He shared dirty jokes,
With nursing home folks,
And always broke wind when he laughed!

Deep-Goat writes 09/27/98

A curious mammal's the beaver
Known often to give men the fever
A taste to be trying
But there's no damn denying
It looks to be split by a cleaver!

A goldfish whom circling frustrated
Of suicide the fish contemplated,
"I've travelled the seas...
Just as free as you please
Till caught by a hook nicely baited."

The poet comments, "So it's not dirty. I'll wash my mouth out with soap."

A privileged client's attorney
Embarked on a truth-seeking journey
When the pres lost his dick
To a blade nice and thick -
He now carried his balls on a gurney!

An anonymous poet online
Tied his dick to his hand with some twine
When he typed a long word
It tugged on his gourd
And shortened the length of his spine.

If Shakespeare were writing today
He'd throw his feathered quillpen away
He'd write limericks online
Of dubious rhyme
'Bout Lewinski's future dental decay.

Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr
Tried to take down the American tsar
She swallowed his jizz
He argued 'bout "is"
And they made the first penis a star!

The poet comments, "Starr with star sucks, but hey that's another trial."

Said Delilah to Samson, "Your hair
Scratches my toungue when I go down there."
So she gave him a clip
But the scissors did slip
Power lost for the invent of Nair.

Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr
Took samples of Bill in a jar
An easier job
Then slobbing his knob
Because she swallowed all evidence so far!

DelBob writes 09/25/98

The First Lady sighed as she sat,
"That Monica looks kind of fat.
She's hornier than me
Indubitably
But then, so is ol' Socks the Cat."

There once was a man made of plastic
Whose wife was both tranquil and spastic.
"If this manic-depressive
Wasn't sexually repressive
I could turn myself into elastic."

"Why Monica, love your blue dress!
But that stain is so hard to assess!"
Said she, "'Twas immaculate,
Till Handsome's ejaculate
Dribbled on it, I must confess!"

gold star! O woebegone Hope's favorite son!
Your days as our leader seem done.
It sure is a bummer
Done in by a hummer
Internally - pardon the pun!

Bluebird writes 9/25

Surfing for Sex

gold star! He thought that web porno was grand,
With smut from all over the land.
Now he's stuck in his home
(Carpal tunnel syndrome)
From typing with only one hand.

in response to Lanark's entry of 9/7.

LAD writes 09/24/98

A curious mammal's the beaver
She has many a button and lever.
When she's suckled and licked
And filled up with dick
What ever she says you'll believe her!

The poet comments, "The story of my life"

A poor lonely butcher from Flamm
Was humping a cold can of Spam
He said with a spasm
On his second orgasm
I just can't afford a good ham!

The poet comments, "Cutting meat the hard way"

Jeeves writes 09/24/98

A scraggly old fucker named Rick
Had a sore on the end of his dick
So great was its size
That it chafed women's thighs
And the pus that it leaked made 'em sick!

A strapping young lad (name of Pete)
Had a cock that was measured in feet
The width of its head
Gave some women dread
While others believed it quite neat!

A horny old bastard named Larry
Found all young women quite cherry
He once got the chance
To get down one's pants
And found that a fist he could bury!

DelBob writes 09/24/98

gold star! A gay young lad from Latrobe
Used a dynamite stick for a probe.
They located his colon
In north central Poland
But his prostate still orbits the globe!

The poet comments, "A take-off on the "Alice-phallus-Dallas" classic."

Al Willis writes 09/24/98

He said that he hated the Queen.
He included the word, "Vaseline."
The word was not "duck,"
And nor was it "pluck."
The word that he used was obscene.

Andy Onymous writes 09/24/98

A man once from Arkansas
Was seen all too often quite raw
His national exposure
Should finally reach closure
Unless Bill rises above the law!

LAD writes 09/23/98

Why, Monica, love your blue dress!
And of course you know I'm the Pres.
With my cum on your face,
You're a national disgrace
So use it to clean up that mess!

H writes 09/23/98

Duane was quite charmed with Picasso,
A cubist who made him groan basso
At rectangle slits,
And roundest of tits,
And several views of one asso.

A pustule in one old whore's crack
('Twas sebum and cancer-jam packed)
Was pinched by a turd,
And spewed out a curd
That blistered her kinky john's sac!

Ewwww!

and continues the Hiftlorss Saga

A warp-drive? I found one to borrow!
No more of this space-docking sorrow!
I’ve got extra seats,
So pack up your teats!
I’m headed to LorssWorld tomorrow!

I’ve heard of a sex number four
With more freaky habits in store
For spacemen like me
To marvel and see.
So hurry! I’m sealing the door!

There once was a Hiftlorss named Xit
Who had a strange thing for the pit.
(Not the cunt-charm,
The one under arm.)
This Xit was a pervert and twit.

Let’s now introduce the ‘Lorss Xint.
(The fourth sex of Hiftlorss, a ‘gent’.)
Although Xints are ‘male’,
They cannot impale
Unless they shore up with the splint.

Their fifty pricks, flaccid and loose,
Are vestigal and without use.
Considered great beauties,
They love to make tooties
From skin-glands that sound like a goose.

Unlike the Troggs, with their smell,
The Xints only broadcast a knell.
They rise with the moons,
And ‘fart’ like bassoons,
In chorus and rhythm, as well.

To Earthfolk they look quite a fright
A-spin under moons with strange light.
They dervishly dance
(Don’t wear any pants)
With cocks flapping free in the night.

Their skin-glands emit a sweet tune
That wafts over desert and dune
And softly does stun
The sex two and one,
Who dream of their last honeymoon.

Now, mostly Xints do this alone
(‘Cause most ‘Lorsses like a stiff bone).
But Xit was a peeker,
Not much of a feeker,
And fancied the pit of the drone.

He stalked the Xints into their lair
And drooled at their fine armpit hair
Which hung in soft locks.
Ol’ Xits fifty cocks
Were swollen, and dripping, and bare.

Humbly, he spoke to the crowd,
And begged them to ‘fart’ really loud
While he just would flit
From pit to sweet pit,
And take a quick whiff, if allowed.

They looked at Xit, kind of like sheep,
And said softly, “Go back to sleep.
We know we’re quite smashing,
But some hopes need dashing.
Our duty is only skin-beep.”

After discovering the Xint on LorssWorld, we proceeded to the Rim:

The alien Sporch (from the Rim,
Where starlight is milky and dim),
Have juices that glow,
And jeez, can they flow!
For afterglow, take a bright swim!

In cities with high stony dikes
They raise up their yeast crops and tikes.
The sewers are huge -
But sex? A deluge.
The law requires countryside hikes.

It’s so damn pitch-dark all the time
Sporch search out their mates with a chime.
But as they draw near
A green glowing smear
Lights up the paths taken, with slime.

Then as they proceed to caress,
And special sex-buttons depress,
Their phosphorus juice
Bursts forth in a sluice!
The landscape lights up with their mess!

Their organs have special by-passes
Between the sweet parts and their asses.
If not for these holes
They’d blow out their poles
And rupture the cunts of the lasses.

Usually, when they’re on the verge
Of climax, the Sporch will submerge
Themselves in a lake.
(The pressure’s a brake
Which lengthens the time of their surge.)

The pressure at one hundred feet
Is found to be luscious and sweet.
It’s pretty, you know.
(A deep greenish glow,
Diffuse in the depths. Really neat!)

Further, if flow they don’t stem,
The outcome is quite often grim.
The rushing cum-drain
Can implode the brain
And leave it unconscious and slim.

Now last year, in some shallow brook,
Two Sporch College kids blew their gook.
Their minds are now toast.
Thus quoth the provost,
“Rill waters stun deep!” What a schnook!

Tim Thompson writes 09/22/98

A horny young couple from Fleenor,
Met a man with a sexy demeanor,
The husband then said,
"Join us back in our bed,
'Cause I'd like to see you in-between her."

Freddy P. writes 09/22/98

Have you met my friends wife named PJ
Her initials rhyme with DJ
When she hears this limerick
She'll think I'm a prick
If I replace DJ with BJ.

DavidL writes 09/22/98

When Monica, in tears, went to Betty
Her wisdom helped keep the girl steady.
"Bill's leak on this dress,
I'll leak to the press!"
"Just remember: Kopechne and Teddy."

When FOB tried and true Jordan
Caught Bill with loose lips and no cordon
As Monica ducked
Bill realized, "I'm fucked!"
And Vernon's now both friend and warden.

Taylor McCulloch shares a classic 09/21/98

There was a young coed named Schlicter
Who had a boyfriend named Victor, who licked her
With an ardor unslaked
'Til she quivered and quaked
On a scale that surpassed that of Richter.

Tim Thompson writes 09/21/98

We know 'cause of Monica-gate,
That the girl likes to flirt and fellate,
But despite all her charm,
It's caused her great harm,
And she may never get a real date.

Bill said that he wouldn't be squirtin',
'Til of Monica he was more certain,
But now the world knows,
How he comes and he goes,
And his presidency sure is hurtin'.

You made a big blunder there, Billy,
Could not keep control of your willy,
Because of your lust,
We have lost all our trust,
And you've made the office look silly.

Once was a leader named Bill,
Who, always in search of a thrill,
Said, "I'll find a young intern,
Who won't mind a rugburn,
'Cause Hillary gives me a chill."

John Chastaine writes 09/21/98

“My cunt hair’s so long”, Julia said,
I sweat half to death when in bed.”
So she cut off the tuft,
That was suffocating her muff,
And now it’s on Lyle Lovett’s head!

LAD writes 09/21/98

Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr
Discovered Bill Clinton's favorite cigar
When the band is fanagled
By Monica's kagel
It tastes better than a "Cuban" by far!

Zorbo, Princess of Darkness writes 09/21/98

A randy young lad from Nantucket
Had a cock so long he could suck it
His dick was so thick
And hard as a stick
That when he came, he filled a bucket.

Vince Brickhouse writes 9/21

An altoid, I've heard, sure enhances
An intern's most oral advances
Just ask poor old Bill.
He's sure had his fill
Of Monica's bended knee stances.

Al Willis writes 09/20/98

gold star! Esmarelda, a known kinky bitch,
Used lashes and whips as her niche.
At times, it was boring,
Just constantly whoring,
And she'd fall asleep at the switch.

Al, the Sage changed the second line as to not telegraph the pun.

Tim Thompson writes 09/19/98

gold star! A mixed up young fellow named Genghis,
Was born with vagina and dingus-
Although he's a boy,
He gets to enjoy,
Both fellatio and cunnilingus!

An elderly gent we call Andy,
Is taking Viagra like candy-
Without good directions,
He gets tireless erections,
And the women in town think he's dandy!

Bill, you should watch what your dick's in,
With the wrong gals you sure have been mixin'-
Now Congress is moaning,
And you'll be atoning,
Impeachment is what they are fixin'.

Sam Pittman writes 09/19/98

Monica thinks she's a dish
And all that Billy could wish
She has a new trick
She sucks on his dick
And makes a cigar smell like a fish.

The poet comments, "(c) Bob Moers P.S. Glad you're back!"

You, too!

Tim Thompson writes 09/18/98

gold star! In a Monica-Bill groping match,
He stuck a cigar in her snatch,
That slight bit of friction
Began her addiction -
Now Monica's wearing the patch!

At a gathering on Clinton's behalf,
They shared a quick hug and a laugh,
Someone heard him say,
"I like your beret,
And I think I'd like you on my staff."

The Sage, in a bit of whimsy, switched the 3rd and 4th lines.

Once was a young intern named Mon,
Who went to the White House to spawn,
If given the chance,
She'd have tugged down Bill's pants,
And blown him right there on the lawn.

In reports from attorney Ken Starr,
There's a tale of a Clinton cigar,
That the thing was inserted
Sounds oddly perverted,
But in Washington, just about par.

Said Bill to the girl on her knees,
"For an intern you know how to please.
And I know that you're bummin'
Cause I stop short of cummin',
But let's say that we're shooting the breeze."

JOF shares a classic 09/18/98

There once was a man from Medrik
Who could do an astonishing trick
He got the protection
Had an erection
And balanced right up on his prick!

There once was a man from Medras
Who had balls that were made of fine brass
In stormy weather
His balls came togather
And sparks flew out of his ass!

Raceway writes 09/17/98

She planted her ass on that tuffet,
And just sits around, that Miss Muffet..
She has problems with whey,
And with spiders - no way!
Little Miss Muffet..just stuff it!

Lee Malone writes 09/16/98

Hail Monica - woman of grace,
Put a cigar in a different place.
Then she left it in her fixture,
While Bill took her picture,
'Cause it looked like Fidel Castro's face.

Ol' Bill said "What's the use,
It won't light, it's so soaked up with juice."
But then he said "Doggone it
I can still suck on it -
Unless it's been in your caboose!"

Marsha writes 09/15/98

Slick's lawyers are out splitting hairs
Blow jobs are not really affairs
He who receiveth
No sex achieveth
Oops! Thirty-six boxes of Nair!

K. Starr writes 09/15/98

gold star! If you crossed a young intern, Lewinsky,
With a man by the name of Kaczynski,
The blow jobs you'd get
Would be dynamite! Yet,
You just might not have any fore-skin-ski!

Don Kent writes 09/15/98

There was a young lady named Monica
Who tooted the President's harmonica
She said with a grin,
"It's probably a sin
To do this on Easter and Hanukkah".

The poet comments, "Think this is good because one of the trysts occurred on Easter Sunday (President is Christian) and Monica is Jewish."

JuMpIn' JaCk writes 09/14/98

gold star! An excited farm boy named Tex,
Informed his male friends he expects
To not get much sleep,
Afer cloning his sheep,
Cos it doubles his chances for sex!

Friar writes 09/14/98

The Queen just received a new fax
From Madame Tussauds. Here the facts :-
'Done Bill's balls and his dick
They're life-size and real slick
But now Ma'am, we've run out of wax!'

Al Willis writes 09/13/98

I love to watch movies with Xena.
She has such a sexy demeanor.
She has legs that are long
And she does own a thong
And some things that are even obscener.

Raceway writes 09/13/98

A primitive humanoid, Ik,
Founded the first bishopric,
But instead of a ring,
A much later thing,
All had to kiss Bishop's prick.

A primitive humanoid, Eft,
(His penis without any heft)
Said, "It looks kinda cute,
But who'd want a newt
Flopping around in her cleft?"

The poet comments, "X-Word puzzlers and Scrabblers might appreciate this one more...."

gold star! A primitive humanoid, Ekt,
Decided to start a new sect...
The idol, his phallus,
A god without malice,
The command, when displayed...Genuflect!

A primitive humanoid, Ak,
Was very much taken aback,
'Cause the Marquis de Sade
Had not yet been made,
When his mate gave his prick a great smack.

A primitive humanoid, Ik,
Had his eye on a feminoid chick...
She touched his thigh,
Then said with a sigh,
"Oh Ik! You are much too damn quick!"

A Paddy by name of O'Shea
Denied the whole day he was gay,
But later that night,
When quite out of sight,
He enjoyed with two boys a three-way.

The editors cried, "R-submit!"
Thomas then had a snit fit.
"Re-write my Prufrock?
You can suck on my cock!"
They replied, "Just T.S., Eliot!"

Father Doyle, he just loved a fresh choirboy,
As virgins they tend to be less coy...
But once he had one,
He said, "I have done!
An unexplored bum brings me more joy."

Raceway writes 09/12/98

Two is a duo, and nice,
Three is a trio, so thrice.
But four is a quatrain,
While five is a real gain
'Cause the odd guy so often comes twice!

gold star! Miss Pinky was getting a do
While munching a yummie or two.
The barber said, "Pinky!
You've got hair on your Twinkie!"
"I know! And I'm getting tits too!"

A slender young man from Hankow
Wed a fascistic old bag of a frau...
"Achtung!" she would say,
We'll do it my way!
When I come, you jump off, and kow-tow!"

gold star! Betty just loves Turandot
Puccini makes her hot to trot...
By now it's pro forma
When he sings "Nessun dorma"
She secretly fondles her twat.

Most docs on the links will cavort
While dentists find tennis their forte,
But GYNs and OBs
Think this the bee's knees:
Spelunking in caves is their sport.

The poet comments, ""forte" is "fort"...the "e" is not accented, as so many seem to think ....."

Wildman writes 09/11/98

Said a dentist, "Ma'am, please open wider"
And he mounted the chair, as to ride her!
Instead of his finger,
He stuck in his weiner,
And found himself way deep inside her.

gold star! Said Delilah to Samson, "Your hair
Is long and thick, and so fair!
So why is your weinie
So thin and so teenie?
You're hung like a horse - but a mare!

Jim Schaefer writes 09/10/98

"Harsh comments? Well, hell, I expect 'em
Insults and jokes? I collect 'em
Since Starr, that buttinski
Latched on to Lewinsky
I'm getting it straight up the rectum."

It seems that the Big Man from Hope
Is nearing the end if his rope
He won two elections
But untimely erections
Are making him look like a mope.

A mope?

Marsha writes 09/10/98

Poor Willie is feeling such pain
Mea Culpas, again and again
"Tis only cause Starr
Has feathers and tar
36 boxes on the Internet domain!

gold star! The Internet suffered a meltdown
70 mil clicked who Slick Willy felt down
Satellites whirled
In reverse - Cyber world
Imploded - because Monica knelt down!

The Sage is ignoring the 3/4 rhyme 'cause he got such a kick out of this one.

Flasher writes 09/07/98

A friendship Beelzebub disdains.
From good deeds and kind words he refrains.
With head up his ass,
Surrounded by gas,
He farted and blew out his brains!

Popsicle writes 09/07/98

A nerdy young fellow named Tom
Bought a computer for Mom
She logged on each morn
And watched nothing but porn.
So Tom blew the thing up with a bomb.

A crosseyed old seamstress named Kate
Whose vision wasn't so great.
Because of her stitching,
All her clients were bitching.
They said she couldn't "mend straight."

There once was a Bishop named Frick,
Who had an oversized dick.
As he traveled around
It dragged on the ground.
From thence came the term "Bishopric."

A privileged client's attorney
Went on a romantic journey.
He had the time of his life
With his clients third wife
Then wound up on a hospital gurney.

Lanark writes 09/07/98

There once was a gymnast who won many prizes
Her flexible limbs offered erotic suprises
Though renowned in the sack
When flat on her back
She won higher marks for her floor exercises.

gold star! An internet pornography fan
Searched for smut from all over the land
Now he's stuck there at home
With carpal syndrome
From typing with only one hand!

There once was a mortician Druid
Whose methods were often quite crude
Whilst making a slit
His member would twitch
And he'd embalm with his own special fluid

A sword swallower with a penchant for men
Expressed a particular yen
For the largest male sword
That he could engorge
And to practice on that now and then.

A cannibal chief (and a varlet)
Consumed an Italian harlot
So it's no surprise
His breath stings your eyes
And his farts smell exactly like garlic.

Al Willis writes 09/06/98

"Now, what did you earn? Let's begin.
Do you claim you supported one twin?
And what about tips
On those business trips?
No, I did not refer to foreskin."

Marty & Croc writes 09/06/98

A nubile young Finn who went skiing
Could not find a good place for peeing.
The ski slopes were so bare,
If she dropped her pant there,
Her butt everyone would be seeing.

While swimming across the Zambezi
My Charlie did something quite sleazy.
He screwed a 'gator,
And then he ate 'er.
I knew crocodiles were easy.

gold star! An eagle whose wings have been clipped
Wishes Monica'd been more tight-lipped.
The White House resident,
Who's not the President,
Would prefer that his nuts had been nipped.

Why Monica, love your blue dress!
Too bad that Bill made such a mess.
You are no humidor.
If he'd smoked that ciGore,
You could have stayed out of the press.

A philosopher, finding a stone
Was happy to be hunting alone.
He thought he'd get rich,
The son-of-a-bitch.
So, Bill Clinton he tried to dethrone.

Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr
All met for drinks last night in Joe's Bar.
"Ken," Monica said,
"You take Bill to bed.
Linda can record it from the car."

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet
But then pooping is never too neat.
If you make a mess,
I'm calling the press.
Because *that*, even Bill could not beat!

Said Delilah to Samson, "Your hair
Would look better if it was not there.
If you don't shave your head,
I won't take you to bed.
And sex with me is beyond compare.

Twenty thousand leagues under the sea
Is where all the attorneys should be!
I know where to start,
I work for a fart!
Do you know what that says about me?!

Bluebird writes 9/6

A MAN'S LAMENT: WE CAN'T WIN

What's the deal with this toilet-seat crap?
If we don't put it up, there's a flap.
Leave it up, and we get,
A new lecture yet.
Either way, we'll be in for a rap.

Inspired by a recent discussion (on AJL) about toilet-seat etiquette.

Rue diMarti writes 09/05/98

gold star! Es war eine Dame in Limerick,
die hatte den Lewinsky-Tick.
Sie sah Mr. Clinton
zwar nur von hinten,
doch träumte sie "How sweet a dick!"

Popsicle writes 09/04/98

An amorous young poet named Kline
Wrote some poems to a maiden on-line.
He extolled both her hooters
To many on-line computers,
But his verses were all asinine.

Popsicle writes 09/03/98

Slick Willy, the bad boy from Hope
Has been known many ladies to grope.
The place for Slick Willy
Is not sleeping with Hilly,
But dangling from the end of a rope.

While swimming across the Zambezi
I was staring to feel a bit queasy,
When a wandering Croc
Grabbed ahold of my cock.
Now pissing is not very easy!

Al Willis writes 09/02/98

"Oh, Mark, you are great, I am fainting!
You sure lost no time re-acquainting.
There were things I forbid;
You unbridled my id.
Did you know that the ceiling needs painting?"

The preacher, a fisher of men,
Became a bum doctor and then,
He dispensed with the prayer
And is into healthcare.
Now he looks into fissures of men.

David Alpaugh writes 09/02/98

At the White House, a gal named Lewinsky
Did a dance for the Prez a la Minsky
Till he cried, ³You're the tops.
This beats Boston Pops
Or a poem by our laureate, Pinsky!

gold star! A beltway insider named Willey
Went to beg for a job from her Billy
But fondling his knob
He cried, ³Give ME a job!
For quid without quo, dear, is silly!

A lawyerly voyeur named Starr
Pursued country matters too far:
Serving subpoenae
On the president's weenie
Then letting it leak on Bill Maher.

gold star! Unbuckling her knee pads, Miss Monica
Went to Jordan for counsel at Hanukkah.
He advised, "Get a grip
On that bitch Linda Tripp
Before she gives Bubba boobonica!

and non-limericks

This talk of impeachment must stop!
I testified truthfully.
I never had sex with that woman.
That woman had sex with me!

I want to have sex the old fashioned way, Billy
Neath your strong white house thighs to be resident.
It's perfectly safe the old fashioned way, silly
Even Starr can't indict a sitting president.

Al Willis writes 09/01/98

gold star! As a whore I outdistance my peers.
I have done this for seventeen years.
I'm outstanding in bed
And know how to give head,
So kindly let go of my ears!

The poet comments, "Monica's mentor."

Navigator writes 09/01/98

The pundits in D.C. are clacking
About President Clinton's off-jacking
Is Lewinsky a whore?
Or a cigar humidor?
In her box, Bill's Coronas she's stuffing.

The poet comments, "Another Sunny Day in Santa Barbara."

Jim Schaefer writes 09/01/98

Grand juries make Bill Clinton bristle quick
Ken Starr is quite certain that this'll stick
Bill's placement in history
Is now not a mystery
From here on he's known as "Ol' Whistledick"

The poet comments, "Says Bill: You know how to whistle darlin', don't you? Just put your lips together and blow. (Ever tried rhyming "whistledick" ? It's a bitch.)"

Says Monica to him: "Just between us
Is it possible someone has seen us?"
But the Prez says "Why no!
On your knees - get set - go!"
And slips her the presidential penis.

The poet comments, "Monica, swallowing her pride, says: "Will this thing never end?""

Says Monica, that neat little vixen
"I like him a lot more than Nixon
He's much nicer and cuter
As I toot on his tooter
He's so happy when I get my licks in!"

Marsha writes 8/23

gold star! Slick Willie is under duress
DNA on a little blue dress
Scientifically speaking
It wasn't STARR's leaking
That got Willie into this mess!

If the Vast Right Wing were to conspire
Damn sure wouldn't choose such a liar
To conspire and be vast
Right winged or right assed
Why pick a jerk with his pants on fire?

Ramsey writes 8/22

There once was an intern named Monica
Whose practised skill on harmonica
When applied to the President
Made her dry-cleaner hesitant
That his spots would come out in the laundrica.
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