The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Since 1995!
Naughty Entries from January, 1998
from Poets Who Should Be Ashamed of Themselves!
You Clinterngate fans may want to see Hilarious C. Linton's entry in this month's
Bad Fiction contest.
Jeff writes 01/31/98
Little Monica Lewinsky
Got a dribble or two on her chinsky.
Now Bill's in hot water,
As quite well he oughter,
For giving her the ol' out and insky!
Moony shares a classic 01/31/98
There was a young man from Kent
Whose tool was unusually bent
To save himself trouble
He stuffed it in double
So instead of coming he went!
Mary had a little lamb
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
So she tied it up
To a five-barred gate
And kicked its little cunt in.
How does one kick in something that's already concave?
Teresa writes 01/30/98
I dated a guy with two dicks.
One small, one quite long and thick.
The small, hard as wood...
The large tasted good -
So it sure wasn't easy to pick!
I've heard that eunuchs are in -
They're not either women or men.
But I love big dicks
And balls I can lick,
So boys without toys seems a sin!
Wildman writes 01/30/98
A pervey young fellow named Tanna
Perverted an orangutan, Hannah.
But he lost his thing
When that old orang
Peeled and ate Tanna's banana!
A pervy young fellow named Wayne
Had a monkey he kept in a cage.
He stuck in his dick,
(Thought the monkey would lick)
But the monkey just laughed at his thing.
The poet comments, "How about some pervy young fellow limericks from the crowd??"
She said that she'd come to my house.
So I started to work on her blouse.
She said, "Be my tutor,
And teach me computer."
And I said, "Well, look, hold this mouse."
He met her at a local bar
He took her home - it wasn't far
He gave her some gin
And said with a grin
My "hotrod" isn't a car!
The first thing Bill said without doubt(h)
About Monica and goings on 'down south'
Unwittingly audacious
In a manner loquacious
"Ahh! Now the tart opens her mouth!"
Commandante X shares a classic 01/28/98
There once was a girl from Peru
Who didn't have nothing to do
So she sat on the stairs
And counted cunt-hairs
Four thousand, six hundred and two!
Moony shares a classic 01/28/98
There was a young lady named Pymm
Who had a remarkable quim
It wasn't the size
That attracted the flies
But the crystallised piss 'round the brim!
Moony writes 01/28/98
There was a young lady called White
Who lived on used condoms and shite
The rubbery bits
Were as tough as old tits
But the goo left inside was alright!
Ewwwww....
FCA writes 01/28/98
If true (and, like the press, I'm just gropin')
Then Bill Clinton will surely be hopin'
That Monica, the slut
Will keep her mouth shut
When, previously, she'd kept it wide open!
Jeeves writes 01/27/98
I once met this three-breasted whore
A mutant of nuclear war
She had two pussies, I swear
Though neither had hair
And a tongue that hung down to the floor!
CB writes 01/27/98
The White House is under great stress
From the salacious Monica mess.
Bill would put out the fire --
Easy, call her a liar --
Except for the stain on her dress...
Mean-spirited old Kenneth Starr
Now gleefully lights his cigar --
He's positively gloating
From all the Deep Throating --
But I think he's gone much too far...
FCA writes 01/27/98
A gay lost his boots in a game...
And returned to his home full of shame.
"Lost my tackle" , he groaned
To his partner who moaned
"Our relationship never will be the same"!
A vibrator cannot lose erection.
And you can dispense with protection.
But if batteries fail
You must look for a male.
It can cause a girl's utter dejection!
Ystap writes 01/26/98
Bill says there was no penetration,
But Monica says, with elation,
"He wanted me bad,
So I said 'don't be sad,
We'll just cure all your ills with fellation!'"
The poet comments, "And he didn't inhale, either!"
Ashamed O'Myself writes 01/25/98
There once was a man from Quebec
Whose tool wasn't quite up to spec
Though he blamed the ill-fit
On the gals he was with
All the gals called him "Too-Loose Letrec!"
The poet comments, "Ever seen this before?
Maybe I just recalled it from the deep, dark depths of a faulty memory."
Toast Point gives the poet the benefit of the doubt.
Whilst approaching runway-22
The pilot announced to his crew
"Better hold tight -
It's a short one, all right!"
Said the co-, "And the widest one too!"
Brainfreeze4 shares a classic 01/24/98
There once was a man from Snowmass
Whose balls were made out of glass
When they rubbed together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lighting shot out of his ass!
FCA writes 01/24/98
Linda Tripp says "It couldn't be ironicker
That Slick Willy could end up like Honeker.
I've now blown the whistle
On where he's put his gristle
And been blowing , not sax , but our Monica!"
Toast Point thought that in this case, Bill was the sax!
As we stood there, she said, "Why not neck?"
(This very tall gal from Cal Tech.)
Her legs were widespread
So I went straight ahead.
And I'm built like Toulouse-Lautrec!
OrlandoJoe writes 01/24/98
There was a young lady named Monica
Who played a penis just like a harmonica
'Til near Capitol Hill
She played one named Bill
And the notes could be heard in Salonika!
There once was a milkmaid from Tull
Who gave some extravagant pulls
Her dad died of fright
At the horrible sight
His daughter was milking the bull!!!!
The poet comments, "Loads of fun"
Crazycunt writes 01/23/98
There was an old man of old
Who did what was expected when told,
Je met a young lass
Did her up the ass
Now his poor prick is growing mold!
The poet comments, "ain't that gross?oh....yeah!!"
FCA writes 01/23/98
A gay lost his boots in a game...
Then his shirt and his shorts just the same.
"Seen my tackle ?" , he sighed
To the ref who replied
"Yes I have - a nice set - what's your name !"
Crazy Legs writes 01/22/98
I once met this three-breasted whore
Who had triplets (that's twins plus one more).
On each side, Nat and Pat
Were contented and fat --
It was Tat who the spare tit was for!
Marvelous adaptation of a classic joke!
Politicians, it seems, always knock...
They just knock around watching the clock,
Then knock off at two
To knock down some brew,
And go knock up the girl down the block!
Wildman writes 01/22/98
On Saturday night, up on Mars..
Met a girl who wasn't too sharp.
She asked me if I
Would take her for a ride,
But Mars ain't got any cars.
The poet comments, "Wait a minute..............!"
"Disposable condoms", you see
Sounds kinda redundant to me.
'Cause when you use those
Of course you dispose....
'Cause who would keep such a thing?
A hillbilly from West Virginia
Ain't likely to be joining MENSA.
His IQ is listed
In negative digits
He can't buy a clue, or even rent some.
The Sage warns Wildman to tighten up his rhymes, or risk a flogging.
Mike M. writes 01/22/98
Disposable condoms? Not me!
Those things fit too snugly!
Some guys have a twig,
But mine is so big
It's more like the trunk of a tree!
I once met this three-breasted whore
I sucked till all three were sore.
Then I went south,
Got her off with my mouth,
Then I sucked on her titties some more!
How he cried when he lost the election..
He couldn't take the rejection.
He showed 'em his hose,
But he wasn't chose
As President Of Big Erections!
Jeeves writes 01/21/98
West Virginia is now my home state.
Be considerate before you berate -
Madams and Misters -
We don't marry our sisters
Though sex with 'em sure can be great!
The poet comments, "...dueling banjos play in the background..."
Disposable condoms? Not me!
Said John Bobbitt, all melancholy
I don't need 'em no more
Cause Lorena, the whore
Made a damn eunuch of me!
Blowcephus writes 01/21/98
Politicians, it seems, always knock...
Sex, alcohol, drugs, and rock.
But tobacco is fine,
And so's beer and wine,
And they'll rock any gal who likes cock!!
On Saturday night, up on Mars..
Met an alien girl in a bar.
But I ran like mad
When I saw that she had -
A collection of dicks in a jar!
The Clintons have spent all the dough...
Because of that slut, Paula Jones.
She might have been worth
What she asked for, at first,
If she only was willing to blow!
Niteeyez shares classic something-or-others 01/21/98
She was coming around the mountain.
Doing 90 miles an hour.
When the chain on her bicycle broke
They found her in the grass,
With a sprocket up her ass.
And her tits mangled in the spokes!
First Marine he found the bean Par`Le vous
Second Marine he cooked the bean Par`Le vous
Third Marine he ate the bean
And shit all over the submarine
Par`Le-Par`Le-Par`Le vous.
Moonman writes 01/20/98
A chappie from old Cullercoats
Would screw weasels and hedgehogs and stoats.
This predisposition
For furry coition
Led to anal insertions in goats!
She spoke with loquacious complexity
That left men in a state of perplexity
So they sought with depravity
Her lower concavity
And her chest of enormous convexity!
Toast Point is in awe of the poet's immense...vocabulary.
Sarita Montial writes 01/19/98
How he cried when he lost the election..
Cried and cried till he had no erection.
So he took Paula Jones
Shook her all to the bones,
And since then, she enjoyed his protection!
FCA writes 01/19/98
Disposable condoms? Not me!
No need cos conception would be
Nothing but immaculate -
I always ejaculate
As soon as she's sat on my knee!
I once met this three-breasted whore
Who told me, in fact, she has four!
One's minute and inverted
And can't be reverted
Besides she's got no space for more!
A gay lost his boots in a game,
And everyone said, "It's a shame."
The faggot was bootless
The boots were quite fruitless,
So he borrowed some shoes from a dame!
The poet comments, "Is this PC, nowadays?"
Pruman writes 01/17/98
There was a young trollop called Prue
Who ran a "tea shop" down at Kew.
When I ordered cream tea
She sat down on my knee
And taught me a trick that she knew!
The poet comments, "Do people still use the old "There was a ..." opening so beloved by Lear?"
Of course!
I once met this three-breasted whore
And up to three men could adore
Her copious chesties.
A mouth on all breasties,
And still they would cry, "Mmph mmph more!"
The poet comments, "Dang! Wait! I want to change the last line....well, on second thought...."
Toast Point prefers this version!
A hillbilly from West Virginia
By the name of Peter Gosinya
Was exposing his glans
With both of his hands
Sayin' just like a 'possum i'll skin ya'
Sonny Bono, on hitting that tree
And proving that White Men Can't Ski
Cried: "I've done show biz
And to Congressman riz...
Now I want to be a Kennedy!"
The poet comments, "Appalling, tasteless."
Damn, she beat the rest of us to the punch.
Michael K, that famous tree-hitter
Who came off the slopes on a litter
Moaned: "Life just wasn't fair;
"That shrimp Bono got Cher
"And I ended up bonking the sitter!"
Jennifer W writes 01/16/98
How he cried when he lost his erection!
Must of been from all that protection.
His balls are so blue
I guess yours'd be too
if you couldn't give a sperm injection.
FCA writes 01/15/98
I once met this three-breasted whore
Who pointed to this notice on her door :
"My prices to the guest
Are pro-rated by the breast
And for all three I will add on one third more "
Sonny Bono went out for a ski
But was tragically hit by a tree
A nurse asked with a purr
Was it Pine or a Fir ?
"I got Yew babe" he sang mournfully!
The poet comments, "Just the one limerick submitted today, as I should be at work instead of sitting here pondering over a rhyme for the last line. "
Cyril writes 01/15/98
Otis sat on the dock of the Bay
With nothing left to say
So he drank to his health
And played with himself
'Till the police came and took him away.
An octogenarian named Brady
Had made out his will at age eighty.
He lives with his sweetie
In far off Tahiti.
He won't die, if he apes Warren Beatty.
FCA writes 01/14/98
I once met this three-breasted whore
Who introduced several colleagues with more.
The one I liked best
Had a score of the breast
But by then, I wasn't abreast of the score!
Disposable condoms? Not me!
I use washable ones, and have three
Perforated and glow
But all just for show
'Coz I've just had a vas-ec-tomy!
A hillbilly from West Virginia
Said "Sweet Sis - I'd sure like to be in ya,
But first I fuck ma,
Then diddle our pa,
And when the cat's done, I'll begin ya!"
Hill-Billy - a word of contraction?
Or names, just by way of compaction?
But, I'm sure that you'll see
If you trace fam'ly tree
That they're both from above-said extraction
The poet comments, "I hope the Clintons don't read Toast Point - I could be in for a bit of spam!"
I've a hunger I often must feed
As a baker his dough he must knead
For I'll probably burst
If I don't quench my thirst
To deposit my seminal seed!
FCA writes 01/12/98
A gay lost his boots in a game...
Through a tackle that made him quite lame.
He said with a squeal
To the ref, "I appeal"
Who replied, "Yes you do - what's your name?"
A hillbilly from West Virginia
Had the hots for luscious Lavinia.
But another fine filly
Had the hots for hillbilly
And said to Lavinia, "I'll spin ya ! "
Disposable condoms? Not me!
Said the woman in the office with glee.
"Try a drug-store or barber
Or that gents by the harbour -
I sell condominiums, not condoms, you see!"
A hillbilly from West Virginia
Was humping pet rabbit Davinia
He said, "Rabbits - I stew'em
Usually after I screw'em
And I'll skin ya, Davinia, while I'm in ya."
Ewwww....
You ask "Writerman, where have you been?
Have you been living in sin?"
Well I don't mind confiding
I've been somewhere in hiding
With a hooker, some penguins and gin!
No wonder those penguins are waddling...
Disposable condoms? Not me!
Not good environ-men-tal-ly.
So listen, sex-lubbers...
Recycle those rubbers!
Mr. Clean will keep 'em germ-free!
Bill Clinton has lust in his heart.
And Paula is only a part
Of the ones he undressed
That he never confessed.
And for records, he has a fine chart!
Rob Ward writes 01/10/98
I can't write an unnaughty limerick
I have to mention pussy or dicks or tits
I have to say FUCKING
Or tell of some SUCKING
Or else what's the point of doing this?
Ah, that's the challenge of the Squeaky-Clean section...
I once had an alien woman
Who went down on me purring and humming.
She sucked on my weiner
Like a shop vacume cleaner,
She blew both my mind and my plumbing!
Jennifer W writes 01/09/98
There once was a man named Sir Rick
Who could perform an amazing trick.
He'd paint on the walls
By holding his balls
And rotating the end of his dick!
John B. writes 01/09/98
A Tennessee woman went sailin'
Near Nashville with Willie and Waylon
And it wasn't long
Till both ol' outlaws
Got down and did 'em some nailin'!
I once met a cute girl from Dublin
Who was more into suckin' than fuckin'.
She loved to eat cum
And swallowed so much
When she talked, the words came out bubblin' .
Mescal Mermaid writes 01/09/98
For entertainment, dear, pull my finger
I assure you the smell will not linger
For the sweet smell of my fart
Comes not from my heart
But from lima beans and lukewarm malt liqour!
The poet comments, "My shit does not stink!!!!"
Toast Point has met others with your opinion...
Chilli-Burger and Superargo writes 01/09/98
It would be nice to create
A bull you need not castrate
There's no effort at all
He'll give you his balls
Just as long as you fix him a plate.
The poet comments, "I will probably get detention for writing this, but what the hell!"
FCA writes 01/09/98
"Let's try it this new way", said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and grunted -
"I should be affronted
But this time I'm taken aback!"
A lateral thinker once said to his bride
"May I take you onto to one side?"
But she, a logician
Made sure her position
Would show no De Bono applied.
Chilli-Burger writes 01/09/98
I would not like to see caca
from a wookie like Chewbacca.
Hairy and plump,
It's big stinky dump
That fiercely stinks up the blocka'!
Toast Point shakes his head and wonders if January is scatology month.
Poet From Qushing writes 01/09/98
There once was a poet from Qushing
Who got caught in the bathroom blushing.
He sang with a jig,
"The turd is so big
It just wouldn't go down with one flushing!"
BFD writes 01/08/98
I know a young girl from Little Rock
Who sucks and fucks big and little cocks.
You can't forget Sherry,
Her pussy's as hairy
As those bearded rockers, ZZ Top.
A couple hot honeys from Texas
Said "Your attitude does perplex us...
We don't want a gentleman,
Just a top or a bottom or a middle man,
And who cares who thinks that is sexist!"
She was built like the goddess called Venus.
As we watched, she revealed all her she-ness.
We almost boiled over,
But the show was soon over.
As we peeked through the keyhole, she seen us!
The poet comments, "I gave up grammar for rhyme."
Steve writes 01/07/98
My girlfriend's from Arizona
She appreciates a good boner.
The day that we met
She hadn't fucked yet,
So it didn't take me long to get on her.
Blowcephus writes 01/07/98
I know a young girl from Nebraska.
That bitch is as cold as Alaska.
Her pussy is drippy
As the great Mississippi,
But she sure loves to fuck, so go ask her!
I once met a girl from Nebraska,
Her ass was as large as Alaska.
The dress that was on her
Could hide Arizona
And it took me a week to get past her!
I once met a girl from Nebraska,
Her ass was as large as Alaska.
And both of her thighs
As Texas were wide,
And her tits were as big as Mt. Shasta!
Wildman writes 01/07/98
A woman I know from New Hampshire
Took a lover to find her own rapture.
She said, "it's of course
'Cause he's hung like a horse
And my husband's hung like a hamster!"
Mike M. writes 01/07/98
A hillbilly from West Virginia
Married a nice girl from Kenya.
Said, "My prejudiced Dad
Sould surely be mad,
But I can't tell the difference when I'm in ya!"
The poet comments, "The previous "Hillbilly from West Va." was mine, too., I suggest this for
a new first line for others to try."
I work all night while you sleep
And the price I get paid is quite steep
'Cause I get shift diff
And it makes my dick stiff
While all of my colleagues just weep!
The poet comments, "This one has some personal observations I was requested to "comment" on by a
colleague named Rhonda. A sort of prelude to the next limerick."
Something else I think you might ponda'
I work with a girl I'm quite fonda'
If she would only do
What her G9 says to
I'd call her my slave and not Rhonda!
The poet comments, "This one is naughty in it's own way! Ain't it Rhonda?"
Wildman writes 01/07/98
My cousin, a hick from Kentucky
Is stupid, but man, is he lucky!
The pigs and the sheep
And the chickens he keeps
Are good for both food and for fucking!
FCA writes 01/07/98
While cuddled up under the blanket
Alf softly whispered, "Dear Hank, it
Is rare to complain
About balls and a chain
But the warder will hear if you clank it!"
England's horse-racing supremo, Lord Frupp
Is related to that German clan Krupp
But the difference 'twixt him
And Prince Philip is slim
Because he's given the Royal Hunt Cup!
The poet comments, "This was submitted some days ago
- but has presumably wandered off into cyberspace -
perhaps that's where it belongs !"
Whilst dining with friends ostentatious
I exuded a fumer most gracious
But I broke loose all hell
With a full-blooded yell
When it nipped me, the DAMN thing CRUSTACEOUS!
The poet comments, "Smacks of - There's a nip in the air luv tonight! (sorry)"
FCA writes 01/06/98
There was a young lady called Beard
Who re-visted the town she was reared
Or fronted or floored
Or up-against-the-doored . . . .
Or for light relief - chandeliered!
At a commercial hotel in Concord
They offer more than lodgings and board
They have Rosy or Flora
Doris, May or Isadora
The guests are completely over-whored!
CyberhogNZ writes 01/06/98
While visiting Santa's North Pole
I took out a big joint to roll
Smoked half with an elf
Who I bonked on the shelf
Both made the poor bastard's eyes roll!
I know just what I want for my present!
It's something quite smutty and pleasant
My God no, you fool
It's not your big tool
But a twat which is quite effervescent!
We gay boys can make Christmas merry!
By dressing up like a wee fairy
And using a boy
As our sexual toy
More fun than a hymen or cherry!!
You've been bad, old grouch Ebenezer!
For she wants something different to please her
You've not thought, I suppose
Of poking your hose
As far as you can up her sneezer?
Fair Julia, who sold Christmas candy
Was feeling quite horny and randy
Till a dirty young sailor
Began to impale her
Till the randy candy girl was quite bandy.
Bandy?
Crazy Legs writes 01/05/98
"You've been bad, you old grouch Ebenezer!"
Said the pretty young eager-to-pleaser;
He had dickered her down
To have sex for a crown,
And then offered two pence just to squeeze her!
While cuddled up under the blanket
Watching golf, we saw Tiger Woods spank it.
"A nice hole-in-one,"
Said my girl, "Would be fun ..."
So I gave it a try -- and I sank it!
FCA writes 01/05/98
A simple young fellow called Royds
Knew nothing about the bees and the boyds.
He married Emma, but alas
She became a pain in the ass
Which he got from fucking Emma Royds !
Blowcephus writes 01/05/98
While walking downtown to a flick,
Saw a dog who was licking his dick.
It's not that I'm gay
In most other ways,
But if I could do that, I'd get rich!
I made a New Year's Resolution
To keep what I think's the solution,
I'll stop eating greens
And Mexican beans
And cut way back on pollution.
Mike M shares a classic 01/05/98
There's dangers in drinking the brew,
My friends, now let me tell you...
Last night I came in
At 2 with a ten,
And woke up at 10 with a two!
The poet comments, "Partially stolen from a Willie Nelson song."
Wildman writes 01/05/98
While partying late New Year's Eve,
I made a mistake that I grieve.
I thought that my date
Was a woman named Kate,
But I woke up with a Steve!
Seems to be going around!
Mike M. writes 01/05/98
A hillbilly from West Virginia
Said "I don't have nothing again' ya,
But I'm not a queer,
So keep it quiet, dear,
And we'll pretend you're a girl while I'm in ya!"
He played show and tell with his Pam.
He showed her what looked like a yam.
Then, in a flash,she
Said, "This came from the sea."
And she showed him her cute bearded clam.
He don't know a beer from a cola.
He can't tell a Lyle from a Lola.
I doubt that you'll choose
To look at his shoes,
'Cuz he don't know shit from Shinola!
The poet comments, "This expression must be over 60 years old."
FCA writes 01/04/98
While sitting there spinning his dreidel
His wife said, "Be quick or the maid'll
Want back her gymslip
The butler, his whip
And the cook will soon want back his ladle" !
FCA writes 01/02/98
There's a question designed to perplex
Which I put to my wife about sex
I asked "Do you enjoy ?"
She replied "S'wonderful, Roy"
The puzzle is who's Roy ? cos I'm Rex!
JIM shares a classic 01/01/98
A Queer from old Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
About who had the right
To do WHAT with WHICH and to WHOM.
Rhubarb shares classics from the Pentatette archives...
by Bob Giandomenico
A woman whom smoking had hooked,
With her doctor a visit had booked.
When he asked, with perplex,
If she smoked after sex,
"I don't know," she said, "I've never looked."
by Norm Storer
Poor Patrick thought nothing was neater
Than driving a tiny two-seater--
But it wasn't an Austin,
He wasn't in Boston,
And he lost not just balls but his peter!
by Don Moore
While repairing his automobile,
A zoologist couldn't conceal
Unmistakable panic
When a mechanic
Suggested that he'd blown a seal.
by Bob Giandomenico
"My wife would great pleasure derive
Making love in our auto," said Clive.
"She says it's such a treat,
Balling in the back seat.
Problem is, she expects me to drive."
by Theo Heller
She said to her boyfriend, "Good Lord!
It's one thing to screw in a Ford.
But not in a race
With six cops giving chase,
And us out on this thin running-board.
by Bob Giandomenico
A slick auto salesman named Slade
Gloated over a deal he'd just made.
"This new car for my wife,
Should improve my love life,
And it's not, I might add, a bad trade."
by Norm Storer
When the Church offers freedom, priests grab it;
Not one of them mutters, "Dagnabbit!"
But sisters hang back
From a spree in the sack,
Because they are creatures of habit.
by Norm Storer
A Greek who came bearing a gift
Left his girlfriend a bit more than miffed;
If she had been wary
Instead of so merry,
Perhaps she would not have been syph'ed.
by Robin K. Willoughby
What's the matter with these horny Greeks?
They will tease you with foreplay for weeks,
Till you beg and you plead
For the full dirty deed,
But they'll never use Trojans, the freaks!
by Bob Giandomenico
The Greeks are a fanciful race.
They've a game that I'll cite as a case.
The rules, more or less,
Are that you have to guess
A girl's weight, as she sits on your face.
by John K. Roberts
"Eden" is a fable at best.
Just two begat all the rest?
The story doth amaze me.
No wonder we're crazy,
If we all are the product of incest!
by John K. Roberts
The story of Eden is funny,
However, it's not "on the money."
When Eve saw the "snake,"
She cried, "Gimme a break."
Said Adam: "This ain't no snake, honey!"
by Don Moore
Lady Di pouted, "Pooh! He's inhuman,
For he spends all his time with his bloomin'
Cetacean females.
He's a prince to those whales,
But to me he's just Alfred E Newman.
by Russ Roth
An aspiring young lady named Root
Longed to master the art of the flute.
This exceeded her means
So she settled for beans,
Since she knew they would make her astute.
by Norm Storer
A talented Greek was Achilles:
His prowess gave Trojans the willies;
When the battle was spent,
He would pitch his own tent--
Why, he could have played ball for the Phillies.
by John K. Roberts
No dancer, the buxom Miss Treadwell,
However, her clothes she does shed well.
Her voluptuous tits,
Give rich old men fits,
Therefore, I predict she will wed well.
by Butcher Baker
A story not apt to inspire us
Was found on an ancient papyrus;
It seems that when Moses
Came down with sclerosis,
He prayed not to God, but Osiris.
by Arthur Deex
There was a young lady named Ford
Who found herself now and then floored,
Or bedded, or chaired,
Or top of the staired--
And occasionally revolving doored.
by Harry Rubin
On this Bible I'm happy to swear
I'll hire Ross's stylist for my hair,
And solemnly affirm
That during my term,
At gals with big tits I'll not stare.
by Arthur Deex
Eight presidents' names end with Son;
Two Johns, but of Jacks only one;
One Harri, One Madi;
Poor Nix was the bady;
Jeffer wrote, and Wil bested the Hun.
by Dorothy Schrader
Going out when the spring wind was bold,
My coiffure needed hair spray to hold.
Grabbed a can off the table,
Not reading the label;
Now my hair is a permanent gold.
by Vincent Wessel
Si went to the circus one day,
Resolved to get in without pay.
He ducked under the tent;
No one learned where he went,
For the elephant thought he was hay.
by Norm Storer
In hopes of avoiding embarrassment,
Ewell Harris, sans closet, to Paris went,
To seek friends 'tres gai',
But folks knew right away--
And laughed at the sex Ewell Harris meant.
by John K Roberts
A blond with an oversized box
Thought: Gorillas have very big cocks.
Her son's a fine lad.
His looks are not bad,
But his knuckles, they drag when he walks!
by John K. Roberts
The faithful companion is dead.
The Lone Ranger filled him with lead.
This result came about,
When the Ranger found out
That "Kemo-sabe" always meant "Shit-head."
I get discounts on my monthly web page bill if I display this button. I get
even more money off if you click the button - try it and see!
