If my job was the best it could be,I would test ev'ry beach by the sea.
I would spend sev'ral days
Near the surf, catching rays
And go swimming, of course, for a fee!
Drinking and pottery?
There was an old woman whose ears
Grew twice as big over the years
Bees and flies flew inside
Because they were so wide
And buzzed until she was in tears!
There was a young lady whose eyes
Were of an extraordinary size
So when she tried hard
She could see every part
Of her head -and I`m telling no lies!
The poet comments, "I live here in Fort Myers, Florida, winter home of Edison. Just had to come up with a limerick about his invention."
To all ACLU lawyers, lets give them a big hand
For the principles on which they've decided to stand,
But they dare not breach
The joys of a beach
'Cause cats keep covering them over with sand.
The poet comments, "About half my poems of all kinds are to give people something to laugh about."
The poet is probably unaware that Toast Point's parents are very active ACLU members. But we won't hold that against him.
Wilhelmina from old Willamantic
There once was a pool cleaner man,
His name was Pool Cleaner Dan.
He fell in the pool
And I laughed at the fool
Who drove away wet in his van.
The poet comments, "The spirit's Hi, but the Willis week!!"
Toast Point hasn't figured out this at all. Care to retry, Lo? Rhyme the last line, at least.
The poet comments, "I wonder if two or two hundred people read this. If you send me Email, I will have a clue. Thanks."
Write to The Al Willis Get-A-Clue Foundation at his e-mail address above.
The poet comments, "Titled "Celebrity Sports, Mud-Pit: George v/s Kramer""
The alt.showbiz.gossip anti-FAQ has some guidelines on how to tell the four Baldwin brothers apart. And a good thing, too.
There once was a girl called "The Beast"
Whose skin did not show in the least.
She was covered with hair,
And she smelled like a bear,
So all of her friendships ceased!
There once was a boy called Bryan
With many dishes to be dryin'.
He complained all the time,
For the dishes had slime,
'Specially when the cook had been fryin'!
The poet comments, "Limerick license to create new words used. Title has nothing to do with Sprite."
The poet comments, "But if you're a garbageman......"
Dough and Bordeau. For shame.
The poet comments, "Tell your friends about me!"
We have. They're frightened now. :)
The poet comments, "Assuming Toast Point and the Sage are both right about my May 7 effort, and with some contrition about the lack of scanscion of the first edition, this is a quick rewrite. Not perfect, but better, I hope. Please feel free to edit!"
The Sage attempts to squeeze Ms. de Plume's marvelous story into limerical form:
An egg (Humpty), straddling a wall,
Deciding the right side to fall,
"It depends how I sit -
Turning round, it's opposite -
Is there really a right side at all?"
Metrically correct (mostly), but nearly as charming as the original.
There's a NiP in the Air, LuV, TiNiTe,The poet comments, "How many elements can you identify?"
The poet comments, "Can't resist a pun."
In a pub I once met two fun barmen
One was gross and the other one charmen
But I had a conniption
When they sang in Egyptian
A dirge to the great Tutankhamen.
The poet comments:
Q. What do you get when you cross a Sumo wrestler with a lady Egyptian railroad conductor ?
A. A two ton carman.
Why a lady railroad conductor?
A centipede, shopping for clothes,
When you're dating today, there is strife.
Michael Jackson and Lisa were wed.
But my question pertains to their bed:
Did that oxygen bubble
Give Lisa much trouble?
How romantic was, "Oops, watch your head!"?
Now that Michael and Lisa have split,
I do wonder just why she did quit.
Maybe all of their trouble
Started under that bubble.
Or perhaps she would not babysit!
If my job was the best it could be,
I would test ev'ry beach by the sea.
I would spend sev'ral days
Near the surf, catching rays
And go swimming, of course, for a fee!
There's a lesson that we should be learning
With the hot days of summer returning:
Get some sun block applied
When you're tanning outside.
If you don't, you may find, something's burning!
The two Perrier trucks broken down
Clogged the busiest highway in town.
In the heat, this was certain:
Neither driver was hurtin'.
For their thirst they could easily drown!
While the World Cup in soccer's contested,
I can sit on my couch and be rested.
But the soccer's so boring
That I soon end up snoring
With my dinner completely digested!
If you're wondering, "How is the weather
When mountains and clouds come together?"
The winds and the sleet
Knock you right off your feet
If you're not held secure with a tether!
There's a zoo with a baby gorilla
Whose name on the form needs a filla.
I submit that the name
Should be worthy of fame:
Name him Elvis! (unless he's Priscilla).
I think Limerick Man sure is neato.
Not well known, though, like L.A.'s judge Ito.
But if he became famous
Like cookie-man Amos,
Would he still try to stay incognito?
If you're granted three wishes, be clever!
As for me, I would make an endeavor
To get shortcake when shopping,
And, along with whipped topping,
Live in Strawberry Fields Forever!
I will bet I can rhyme them with ease.
There's GAZILLIONs of words that will please.
It seems quite elementary
To rhyme ROCKUMENTARY.
And a SLACKER will often say, "SHEEZE!"
The poet comments, "A local radio station asked listeners to try to use the four new words added to Webster's dictionary in a poem..."
When those Pepsi folks offered the Harrier,
Getting points wasn't even a barrier.
Now my order is placed
And I'm waiting, in haste,
For the battleship, sub, and the carrier!
The poet comments, "Refers to the man who said he's acquired enough Pepsi label points to receive the Harrier jet shown as a joke in their commercial. He was going to take Pepsi to court to get the fighter, supposedly."
A government under John Major
Were I a black Irish, la-la