A fortunate fish is the codWho owes it mostly to God
And a little good luck
That he isn't stuck
All his life with a name like the scrod.
The Toast Point Limerick Contest!Squeaky-Clean Entries
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The poet comments, "Is there any way to print just some of these, without printing all of them?"
Nope, other than cut 'n' paste.
The poet comments, "leaching=distilling, as in wood ash and animal fat=soap."
Can you solve the riddle?
A lack of an inner integrity
Could be said to have spawned this profligacy
Of graffitti on walls -
They sure have the b*lls!
These children with no sense of dignity!
A Tel Aviv couple must wince
There was a time when I couldThe poet comments, "Sprained my ankle, otherwise everything is fine."
I read lots of books, doncha know. Toast Point loves that book. He was amused to find that the alliterative English translation of the title, "Smilla's Sense of Snow", was preceded by another translation, "Miss Smilla's Feeling's Toward Snow". This prompted a friend of his to come up with a better one, "Missy Smilla's Snow Empathy and How It Grew".
An Israeli art dealer awoke
And dined while his wife told a joke.
He inhaled what he ate
And she found out too late
She made her Jerusalem arty-choke.
Bizarre is the word for van Gogh
Who cut off his ear, as you know.
When he wanted it back,
What made his mood black
Was the fact he had not learned to sew.
A man who lived south of the border
Had a wife, but could not afford her.
He worried so much
About Jaguars and such
He developed a sleeping disorder.
A fortunate fish is the cod
Who owes it mostly to God
And a little good luck
That he isn't stuck
All his life with a name like the scrod.
Strange is the name of the manatee,
Who're not afflicted with vanity.
They don't care how they look
When their picture is took
(Which for ladies amounts to insanity).
Lucky's the beast called the kudu,
Which has very little tu du
But sleep, eat and drink,
And that's why, I think,
It has much less stress than yu du.
Stella is known for her eyes.
They're not of quite the same size.
So small is the right
It won't admit light;
While the left's like the moon on the rise.
One thing can be stated as fact:
More teachers have now been attacked
Than ever before.
Still, it is poor
To call the whole thing a class act.
As far as wild oats are concerned,
There's a lesson that needs to be learned.
We reap what we sow.
That much I know -
I, who have been badly burned.
A hard-drinking fellow one morn
Felt standard libations were worn.
With magnesium milk
He mixed vodka or ilk;
Thus the 'Phillips screwdriver' was born.
A man who was always quite mean
Nearly died in a wreck as a teen.
They left in his side
A hole that can't hide
The fact he had vented his spleen.
The Good Book says not to deceive.
What I state here is true, I believe.
Upon some relection,
When it comes to injection,
It's more blessed to give than receive.
The warthog is terribly warty
It has a million and forty.
You would think it should seem
A dermatologist's dream
To catch one while out on a sortie.
What it's often like on committee
Is to spend lots of time on your sittee.
What may be inept
In minutes are kept
While hours are wasted - more's the pittee.
The stock market, as we all know,
Can deal one a rather hard blow.
I think I'd do better
If I could unfetter
My penchant for "Buy high, sell low."
An expert safecracker with brawn
Was caught at his work before dawn.
Though he paid for his deeds,
His epitaph reads,
"Here lies both a pro and a con."
The battle of sexes is raging,
And like wine and cheese has been aging.
But, unlike those two,
It's simply not true
That the war improves with its waging.
A man who loathed to be last
Would also drive very fast.
He also tailgated,
Which was quite ill-fated;
He's now in a full-body cast.
Some consider it crudity;
Still others think it lewdity.
Yet Renoir and such
Contributed much
To promoting the art of nudity.
The wife of a star-gazing man
Said, "I've taken all that I can.
Your looking at Venus
Has quite come between us.
It's time you examined my tan."
Breasts were a lovely invention.
They're best when the skin's under tension.
On occasion it's not;
Those cases are what
Keep surgeons from going on pension.
A tamer of lions from Maine
From opening their mouths couldn't refrain.
One day he got bold,
And now, I am told
He's as headless as Ichabod Crane.
If you've never been to a zoo
You may doubt what I say here is true.
In season of rut
The inmates are not
Concerned by a voyeur or two.
Limerick writing's no cinch.
Sometimes one gets in a pinch.
It's rather a strain
To rack one's own brain
In order the fifth line to clinch.
In deserts like the Sahara
The times people starve is quite rara.
One reason, I've heard,
Though it may be absurd,
Is because of the sand-wiches thera.
Hickory, Dickory, Dock.
Three mice ran up the old clock.
The clock struck one
When its hands it swung.
The last two wouldn't hear of such tock.
My daughter swears somebody told her
Of a Far Eastern man, who, though older
Than some of the rest,
Could contort with the best,
And was known as "The Manila Folder."
The appendix resembles a worm,
Though it doesn't burrow or squirm.
It's largely ignored
Till a surgeon is bored
Or his bills have made him infirm.
A strange-sounding beast is the gnu,
Whose name I pronounce with some rue.
The cause of my fits
Is, were all names like its,
Just think how we'd have to spell gSue.
If you're not afraid of the water
After reading how "Jaws" got the daughter
Of some poor old man,
Then think less of your tan
And more ahout that which you oughter.
A strange thing it is about hair
(I speak here for men, to be fair).
They comb, brush and fuss
And often times cuss
Over something that soon won't be there.
One interesting thing seems quite clear:
The number of cookbooks appear-
Ing for people to buy
Is equalled by di-
Eting books, year after year.
A doctor of orthopedium
Thought life with wife one of tedium.
They decided to part
When he discovered art
To be a new happy medium.
A couple who lived in the West
Lived a life singularly blessed.
He would only let her
Give others his 'better,'
Reserving for her all his 'best.'
A hunter a lioness spied
And decided to go for a ride.
The lion awoke
And ate the poor bloke,
Thinking he'd injured his pride.
A short little man from Quebec
Had a toothache and went for a check.
When he wanted to know
Why the tooth had to go,
He was told, "Ees Toulouse, Lautrec."
In Tulsa, a prior bed-wettor
Grew up to be a big debtor.
He gambled in college,
And friends all acknowledge
His fame as "the Sooner, the Bettor."
An overweight vulture, named Marion,
When others had eaten, would tarry on.
She was slow to embark,
Which caused the remark,
"Your excess baggage must be carrion."
On a whim, a man tempted fate
And entered a gay bar, quite late.
What a fix he was in
When, to their chagrin,
They found he was a "closet straight."
A lean, young peripatetic
Thinks slimness may be genetic.
Both father and son
Find sleepwalking fun,
Despite a pace that's frenetic.
Some cannibals thought it quite queer
That a verse-spouting judge showed no fear.
When ready to dine
They hung up a sign:
"Poetic justice served here."
While Tweety's well known for his chirp,
And Pluto's trademark is his slurp,
For human fame
One needs a name
Like Wyatt, famous for his bEarp.
It may be that there is no man
Who's seen the abominable snowman -
Who's known also as yeti;
Yet I think if we met, he
Might run as fast as he could go, man
Many females wear a B-bra;
Others are proud of their C-bra.
But were there a prize
For purely grade size,
It'd have to go to the Zebra.
An oft-married actress from Cannes
Was known for her men and her tannes.
Alone, she awoke,
Stretched slowly and spoke,
"It's good to feel like a new mannes."
You'll find - with no ifs, buts, or maybes --The poet comments, "Written by Big Sis in honor of CB's fiftieth birthday."
Happy birthday, CB!
The poet comments, "dambler=damned blur (for thos without imagination, I guess)"
On this strange little farm near Mt. Steep,The poet comments, "Even first graders might like this one."
A lobster has reasons aplenty;The poet comments, "Don't avoid butter; then, it's too late."
Thy homepage is terribly uncouthThe poet comments, "I wouldn't run any that don't scan. Instead I would return them, also with a "tweaked" version so they scan, and thus try to teach people how. I do believe that most sit with a Thesaurus, figure on end words and then have no sense of rythm to boot."
Toast Point reiterates that entries get posted, regardless of quality. However, that leaves them open for comments such as this excellent (and true) one.
The poet comments, "Novel Interpretation of 1st line or what ?"
Hmmm...I don't get it...
The poet comments, "The lines following the 1st line assume Brazil as in Brazilian soccer team. Hope it makes more sense now."
The poet comments, "I learn so many new words when I write limericks. This is very educational and should be required in school. What do you think?"
Toast Point thinks that a class on limericks would quickly get out of hand.
A man once said "I will protest
Against a newsman I detest
Hired a lawyer
And sued Tom Sawyer
When the man was really Forrest.
The poet comments, "Forrest, if you see my limerick, please don't think I don't like you. I think you are one of the best anchormen. Forrest can't sue me, can he?"
Toast Point doesn't think that's a danger.
The crocuses happily blooming
One fresh day were given a grooming
With their new look
The old ground shook
When the irises were booming
A pastor in need of a lawyer
Found one fiery Jim Sawyer,
Who arguing in a fury,
Was convincing the jury,
Until his pants caught fire!
The poet comments, "Hint: Jim was of `Liar Liar' fame ;-)"
The crocuses happily blooming
A most delicate maid from Parsippany
In the art of the chef was the epitome.
She made entrés quite rare
And with other fine fare
Wrapped them up inside crépes of diaphany!
Take note of the colorful carrot-
While its hue has less flare than the parrot,
What good is a bird
Who competes to be heard?
From the veg you get JUICE and can share it !
There once was a doc named McLeansThe poet comments, " To a geneticist, a chimaera is an individual whose cells are mixed in genetic information. Chimaeras are formed by substituting cells from different individuals in early cleavage stages following fertilization. Rats with black and white patches of fur were raised from purebred black rats and purebred white rats by this procedure, many years ago. "
The poet comments, " I hope this limerick is better than the first one I submitted. Someone gave me so good advice and hopefully I followed it."
The Sage likes it, but points out that "carrot" and "carat" is a bit of a cheat, even though they are two different words.
Nope, wanna use my own -
Every verse will be known
Across the web
From March to Feb
Or be written in stone!
The poet comments, "Pretty clever, don't you think?"
Toast Point notes that the poet is the first to actually use "Nope, wanna use my own" as a starting line.
I just though I'd be nice and send,The poet comments, "Your efforts are appreciated!"
Toast Point appreciates the appreciation!
In heaven, the British are cops.The poet comments, "What is the address of the Sage? "
The Sage prefers to be addressed with respect.
There once was a girl with potential
The crocuses happily bloomingThe poet comments, "I used to sell scientific poems years ago."
Luke O'Cyte just adored Mary Jane,
But then he met loving Elaine.
Two cells that pass
In the night, alas!
Their love, after all, was in vein.
The poet comments, "Science instructors may want to Email me."
A pastor in need of a lawyer
The crocuses happily blooming
Learnt of the omnipresent glooming,
Immediately they faded,
Into a look jaded,
To welcome the inevitable dooming.
The poet comments, "A bit black ? but not a bete-noire i suppose ?"
A delicate maid from Parsippany
Was this bee-keeper's daughter funny,
Who could never resist a jive,
And today, in front of a bee-hive,
She danced and yelled "Show me the honey!"
A delicate maid from Parsippany
Underwent an ecstatic epiphany:
"With my hair decked in flowers,
"My young swains wait for hours
"One mile downwind to get just a whiff of me!"
The crocuses happily blooming
Auger that springtime is looming
While Pan capers and pipes
Those computer game types
Remain in their caves network Dooming
Take note of the colorful carrot
A conical section with merit
With a knife, any boob
Can extract the cube
But not even Euclid could square it!
I can't decide - football or soccer?
From a Lazy Boy chair or a rocker?
Ovoid or round?
In the air? On the ground?
Should I play it? Or just be a gawker?
The poet comments, "This is the final submission of a complete set using the pre-defined first lines for April. "
Toast Point applauds the poet's bravery.
The poet comments,
"Writing a limerick can be so much fun.
I hope this will not be the only one
If my rhyming has been done before in time,
I apologize for committing this crime
You may stop reading for this poem is done! "
Beer is my only sustainer
We exist on a level coplanar
Whenever I drink
I don't have to think
Our motto is, "Life's a no-brainer"
Forget all the lies you've been told-
America's mine, bought and sold!
If you think that I'm kidding,
Then who'll start the bidding?
Surprise me? I knew you would fold!
The poet comments, "This was actually MR.BIG's reply when I asked him to comment on the current state of the 'American Dream.'"
A milkmaid addressing her cows
As I rode back from my fair Chalet
The fierce snow, it did blow me away
When I landed at last
My word, how time passed
The snow had been traded for hay.
This Salk, who was famous, named Jonas,The poet comments, "This is my best original; at least I like it."
An amateur writer, named Reese,
Composed an original piece:
"Hailstones from above
Reminded me of
When maggots are fried in hot grease."
Ewwww!
She's Nana to some, (to some, Roxie),The poet comments, "happy birthday, nana (4/3/97) i love you!"
