The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Squeaky-Clean Entries for March, 1997
Few and Far Between
I wouldn't have missed Hale-Bopp, not on a bet -
The mostest spectacular comet seen yet!
Across the street, one starry night
I went to avoid the bright street light
And also to go just as close to it as I could get!
KJR writes 03/25/97
A frat house in rainy Seattle
A daily deluge had to battle
It was no surprise
To see flood waters rise
Up a Greek without a paddle!
There was a young pig named Sam Handwich
Who met with a dirty old man which
Coverted poor Sam
To plate of sliced ham
And Sam Handwich is now a ham sandwich!
The Oscars are on the T.V.
But it's of no interest to me;
I sit and I rhyme
Just killing some time
Before my bedtime tea.
The poet comments, "Actually, I don't drink tea. But I do go to bed at nine-o-clock. (shrug)"
I really can't help but to sputter
When thinking of pancakes with butter
With syrupy slime
And jelly some time
Its glorious taste is utter!
The poet comments, "Pancakes. Yum."
Demi-Plume writes 03/24/97
I'm told that in writing poetry, spelling counts
And that rhythm must be measured (by the ounce?)
And that I must use my brain
The words not to strain...
And be certain to rhyme the proper amounts!
Enjoying banana-fudge sundaes
On Saturdays, Tuesdays and Mondays
Is a wonderful way
To go fritter away
All of those terrible awful ho-humdays!
The poet comments, "Like it ? I do! Have a nice day :)
"
The Sage awwwws....
Rhubarb shares a classic from the Pentatette archives
by A. N. Wilkins
"The dogwoods we find in the park,"
Explained a professor named Clark,
"Grow all in one plot
And are easy to spot.
We distinguish these trees by their bark."
Tim writes 03/21/97
Tim submitted these below in January, but they never appeared. Toast Point has never seen them before, so there's a machine out there in the ether that's to blame. There are more on the Naughty side, too.
Football's the World's favourite game
So why do Yanks try to rip off its name
For a game of their own
Where the ball's carried or thrown
Would anyone care to explain?
Ronald McDonald cooks patties
That turns all the Yanks into fatties
Each burger is full
Of cholesterol
And we all know how good for you that is!
My Mum has Mac II to type letters
But don't mock it or you will upset her
Very out-dated
And quite antiquated
And the computer isn't much better!
Crispy writes 03/21/97
Like flight on a magical rug,
Or getting from lover a hug,
You're so nice to me,
I most sincerely,
Thank you so much for the plug!
You're welcome!
Monique de Plume writes 03/20/97
Often at night when I'm lying abed
A limerick that's clever just pops in my head.
I chuckle with pleasure
And joy beyond measure
But next day it's gone, and there's nothing instead!
The poet comments, "Oh well, they probably weren't that good anyhow!"
A shepherd deprived of much sleep
Thought that cloning utterly reeked
"Big deal," he did cry
With a roll of his eye
"That sheep looks just like that other sheep."
Intell writes 03/19/97
To Ireland I want to go
With kids and husband in tow
We'll see all the green
And sights to be seen
And fun will be had; this I know.
The poet comments, "Thanks for the opportunity to share my dream."
Toast Point sighs and would love to go there as well...
Minnie Pearl writes 03/18/97
There once was this teacher
Who acted like a preacher
When she met this boy
Whose name was Roy
He dyed his hair blue to freak her!
Shorty Rock writes 03/18/97
One day I did not take a shower
I came across a flower
I said "OH, OH MY!"
And then it died
Next time I'll take a nice hot shower!
The poet comments, "This limerick is great!"
Pebbles Rock writes 03/18/97
There once was a clover that brought luck
Unfortunately, that day it was eaten by a duck
The duck got ill
So he took a pill
And soon he started to gluck!
Gluck?
Cheeks writes 03/18/97
A girl who went by the name of Sue
Ran away to live in the zoo
She talked so much
The animals had her for lunch
That was the last we've seen of Sue!
I knew a boy who was sickly
he went by the name of Ricky
I gave him a piece of candy
He said "Thank you, how dandy!"
And his face and hands were all sticky!
Petit Plume writes 03/18/97
I have a grandma who is very smart
I always keep her in my heart
She is very nice
Except when she gives me advice
And her mind is as fast as a dart!
The poet comments, "My grandmother is Monique de Plume. I'm 12 years old.
I thought if my Mom and my Grandmother could do this, I could too..."
A treasure it's been, that old Abe Lincoln's axe,
But were those who admired it apprised of the facts?
Some handles were new
Some heads replaced too--
By owners who carefully covered their tracks!
The poet comments, "A work of fiction, of course."
A man from a small third-world nation
Believed in a reincarnation.
He worshipped the cat
But came back as a rat
It was to his great consternation!
Stargazer writes 03/14/97
Yelled my astro professor (named Bob),
"What's the 'three-degree background', you slob?"
I replied, "Sad to say,
Ph.D. to B.A.,
It is no guarantee of a job!"
The poet comments, "For more squeaky but geeky physics limericks, see the American Physical
Society limerick contest.
Monique de Plume writes 03/14/97
There once was a fella named Lasket
Whose case makes me think of a basket.
Kept his cash in a pail
When it went, did he wail!
If you don't know who took it, don't ask it!
The poet comments, "Sequel to a famous classic."
John Chastaine writes 03/13/97
The Lone Ranger was starting to freak!
He hadn't seen Tonto all week.
Tonto called and said, "Kemosabi
I have moved to Abudabi,
And now I am know as a sheik!
A genetic engineer named Jones
Made a large batch of human clones.
It got way out of hand,
The clones started a band,
That features seventy-six trombones!
An Israeli boy, living so squalid
That his face became awfully pallid
Knew that to avoid unemployment
And for just his own enjoyment
He should learn his Alefs, Bets, Gimels, & Daleds
The poet comments, "This is a real Pecksniffian effort at literature...I pretend to be edifying you, but am only looking for a pat on the back. Forgive me?"
So sorry, but we're baffled....
Color drained, his face went pale,
He grimaced as he clutched the rail,
Shouted "You, stupid fool!,
Can't you use a simple tool,
I didn't say hammer my finger-NAIL!"
Squeaky writes 03/12/97
Enjoying a banana-fudge sundae
(Before, during or after the entrée)
Is my most well-loved vice,
And I never think twice,
About ordering the three-layer parfait!
I hear there's a new kind of Barbie
Who is dressed up to go on Safari.
And she's not a cream puff,
This new doll packs no fluff!
And she's armed with darts dipped in curare!
My love, she is only 19
But she's cute as all cute I have seen
I'd ask her to marry
But to her it's so scary
To commit while she still is so green!
The poet comments, ""The question is not does love exist but, when she leaves, where she goes." -DLR/Van Halen"
David Lee Roth is my hero
Even though now he is over 4-0
To me he's still the man
So with a flip of my hand
To him I will drink my last beer-o!
The poet comments, ""F--- school spirit...it's Eat 'Em And Smile Spirit!" -Thomas J. Kirby, Homecoming '95"
When dealing with issues of romance
Know that there's always a chance
That their spouse may return
And quickly you'll learn
To always stay close to your pants!
The poet comments, "I have to get to class!!!!"
Simmie writes 03/11/97
There was once a fair Irish maiden
Who thought one fine day she'd go wadin'
But so sad to tell
She couldn't swim well
O're yonder's the grave she'd laid in.
The poet comments, "My first try.ok?"
Jeff K. writes 03/11/97
In Wisconsin there's cheese and pigs
Tractors and trailers and rigs
Green grass galore
And bars by the score
Where you can find beer, and pigs!
The poet comments, "Oops. I accidentally sent this a couple time unfinished. To anyone interested, my home page address is: http://member.aol.com/JeffK24/JeffKHomePage.html.
"
Demi-Plume writes 03/11/97
The home that I love's always breaking!
When I'm away, my heart will be aching
But when I am there
I am making repair
And longing for Tahiti, sun-baking!
The poet comments, "On Monique's suggestion I changed my pen name from "Half-Plume""
Joe Schmoe writes 03/09/97
The limerick is a dirty trick
Like a brutish man with rhymed stick
You look for dreaming
And take a creaming
It is all wax and no wick.
John Chastaine writes 03/03/97
Some Yahoo done drank my Yoohoo!
T'was a nasty dang thing to do.
If I catch that dork,
I'll take my pitchfork,
And teach that inbred mother who's who!
Badger's Mom writes 03/02/97
A milkmaid addressing her cows
Accidentally told them to plow;
They started a riot,
Took milk off her diet,
She then wondered, "What's up now?"
The poet comments, "This is my first attempt...probably my last, but sounded like fun!"
Cass A. Nova writes 03/02/97
When cooking an egg, you must boil it,
And eat it quick to not spoil it .
And in your stomach it stays,
For about two or three days,
Then, sadly, you must flush it down the toilet .
The poet comments, "One of the saddest things that we face in life is departing from a loved one . This
is an example of such a solemn occasion ."
I get discounts on my monthly web page bill if I display this button. I get
even more money off if you click the button - try it and see!
