With these psychos now hogging the news --
Energizing our ACLUs --
I say: "Round 'em up, Newt 'em!
Take 'em out and shoot 'em!
I'm abandoning liberal views!!!"
The Sage knows what CB means.
Have you ever wondered why on TV,
Pretty girls come across as quite easy -
All it takes is some dumb joke
And you've got them under your yoke -
In real life, they'd smack you quite silly!!
If you ever go to a really small zoo,
Be weary of the keepers, please do -
'Cos if the animals, they say, don't feed,
And their advice you refuse to heed,
The feed might end up being you!!
When watching this year's Summer Olympics
I really can't help but think this:
"Is it just me, or is Atlanta
So bad that jolly good Santa
Won't give them any presents for Christmas?!"
When traveling to New York the other day,
I met a funny-looking man on the way.
I asked him, "Sir, what's wrong?"
He replied, "My story's real long,
And it's making a fortune on Broadway!"
There once was a young man from LA
Who swallowed a drink the wrong way -
After sneezing and coughing mildly,
He started burping quite loudly,
And when he finished, "Oops!," was all he could say!
There once was a young girl named Betty
Who dreamed she was in the Serengeti.
Soon the lions gave chase,
And 'cos she couldn't keep pace,
Her bed was strewn with human confetti!!
If you ever see a Banglee say "hi",
'Cos they're scarce, and you know why?
They fight lions and are beaten
And are subsequently eaten,
Plus they rarely get a chance to say "Bye."
Have you ever wondered why this cool joint
Is called (of all names) "Toast Point"?
A place named after burnt bread
Can make one go brain-dead
And that's why I can't finish this (joint). . .
Excuse me, All-Powerful, Great Sage of Toast Point
You should regularly post poems at this joint
'Cos if you're really as good as you seem,
We could get together as a team,
And really "All-Powerful, Great Sage" you appoint!
The Sage judges poems and leaves the writing to those who submit.
The submitter comments: Heard on TV on the show "Columbo". Toast Point asks generally if anyone remembers the limerick that Marianne (Christine Baranski) wrote on the fly during an episode of "Cybill"? The last line was "The zebras are running amok.".
The poet comments that she saw Toast Point's photo of Leopold and decided to send one of her "cat limericks" to the Squeaky-Clean contest. Sabrina is one of her four cats, all litter-mates, who just turned four years old July 22. Like Leopold, they all have long hair and interesting dispositions.
It was Bertha they gave as a name
To the storm on the east coast that came.
People left in a hurry,
Fearing its mighty fury
But compared to some, she was tame!
I know to be loved is better than any
Fortune in fame or in penny,
But you'll get nothing but strife
With two women in life,
In fact I think it's two too many!
A weight has been lifted from these shoulders of mine -
Detached emotions no longer entwine.
One thing I do know -
From here I shall grow
And live my life truly as mine.
Indeed I've been up and been down,
Sharing smiles but more often a frown,
But from this slumber I'll wake
And these shackles I'll break
And emerge playing the well-known clown.
All of the stars in the night
Now appear alike at first sight,
But with their illuminating beams
Come new hopes and dreams
Of finding the whitest of light
After much consideration, the Sage placed the penultimate verse on the Naughty Limericks page.
So no more will I rage
As I pen my last page
And the last thing to say
As these words fade away
Is adieu from Sandman to Sage.
A teddy with sticky-out ears
At the picnic had too many beers -
He got drunk as a wretch
And his seams got so stretched
He was ostracized by his peers!
I feel that I'm all lost at sea,
The waves keep crashing on me.
I need some light
To shatter this night
For darkness is all I can see.
Now I've come to a fork in the road
No more can I carry this load
A decison to make -
Which path I should take
If only the right way I was showed.
It's hard to know what to choose
Either way, I fear, I will lose
For what goes around
Does come around
In the end we all get our dues.
All the cards have been laid on the table -
I would play if I only were able
But my hands I have tied,
Sad tears I have cried
I can't play when feeling unstable
The winds of change are blowing my way
As alone in the world I do lay
Against all my will
I'm feeling the chill
The sun has turned cold today
The poet comments, "Stargazer is an old radical too, but mellowed..." Toast Point decided to blip the offending word out instead, as he did Langston's comment.
The poet comments, "A friend of mine and I wrote this one in a matter of moments for a ninth grade writing assignment, and I've never forgotten it!"