The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Squeaky-Clean Entries from June, 1996
Few and Far Between
Sandman writes 06/30/96
Pondering on thoughts sublime
Never alone, yet alone all the time
Living in a dream
Of images unseen
Surreal in a slow-motion mime
Oooo...
Langston writes 06/29/96
There was an anarchist from Maine;
Many people thought him insane.
As he lit up the flag,
That nasty, sh*t rag,
He'd tell of the masses in pain.
The poet comments, "**** the system."
The Polish Mailbomber's retired -
But the rumor is that he was fired!
Seems the poor dope
Wrote on each envelope:
SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED!!!
Writerman writes ...
On the plane next to me sat Sylvester,
4 years old and a real patience-tester!
My nerves he so tested,
I had him arrested
For being an ADULT molester!
A man sipping double martinis
Walked into Oleg Cassini's
Ordered sixty-three suits
And nine pairs of boots
And one pair "stoned-wash" blue jeanies!
and shares a classic 06/21/96
A comedian fellow named Downing
Spent his life being onstage and clowning
After blowing one-nighters
He called to his writers:
"Throw me a line, guys-- I'm drowning!"
The election in Russia is tight -
Looks like Yeltsin is in for a fight!
But if man number three
Were to answer his plea,
Victory could be in sight!
There is a ball player named Belle
Whose temper has been known to swell
His demeaner's the pits
Cause he takes lots of fits
And at fans he's been known to yell!!
The poet informs us that there is also another Eric Peterson who was an actor on the popular Canadian
drama "Street Legal". Hmmm. There was an Eric Peterson who did a one-man show at Arena Stage in Washington, D.C. when Toast Point was in high school - wonder if it was the same one?
Gibson writes 06/17/96
There once was a fine boy named Michael,
Whose girlfriend, being very insightful,
Thought he was the funnest,
Supreme number onest,
The cream of the crop, and delightful!
Try Fred Legget's Tea of West Styx.
In your stomach, 'twill surely do tricks,
And its greatest surprise
'Sthat it breeds butterflies,
And it tastes like they make it from bricks!
The poet comments, "Probably the first advertising limerick ever
written, and hopefully the last!"
There once was a fellow from the Bosphorous
Who loved to meddle around with phosphorous
One day he set fire to a dame
And then to himself did the same
A lighting form which both found prepost'rous.
Car Ride writes 06/12/96
One day as I went for a ride.
I dicided to comit sewicide.
So I puled out a gun,
And had a little fun.
N' then my whol famaly cried.
As did the whole community of bad spellers, no doubt...
"No, a twin" he said, he hadn't known one,
And HIS look-alike, he didn't own one.
"But I WILL with a sliver
Of my thumb or my liver,
'Cause you know that it takes one to CLONE one!"
Lisa Pattington writes 06/07/96
There once was a house on a road
Which (in it) there lived a toad;
One day he ate dynamite -
Which gave us such a fright -
And then he went on to explode!
Herkin writes 06/07/96
I tied the rope round my neck with due care.
Wrote the note - "Life is just not fair"
The last thing in my life
Was the nagging voice of my wife -
"Please take your feet off my chair"
DOMIN8R shares a classic 06/06/96
There once was a man with a beard,
Who said "It is just as I feared!"
2 hawks and a hen
3 larks and a wren
Have all built their nests in my beard!
Brains writes 06/06/96
There once was a man from Earth,
Who didn't know what a stamp was worth,
So he ripped it up and said,
"Oh gosh!" and then he fled -
And that's when he named himself Perth!
Patti writes 06/06/96
While going on summer vacation,
I found out I was summoned by my nation.
The time was close and quick,
I did not have time to see a flick.
And now I am eating sea rations!
My VISA! Oh, no, it's expired!
That's the reason why I'm tired -
Spending too many hours at the store.
For some people this could be a bore
Now I can't use my VISA any more!
Brains writes 06/04/96
There once was a man named Steve
Who kept bumble bees up his sleeve -
He thought he could do magic,
But it turned out to be tragic
And that's when he started to sneeze!
Fred Jones writes 06/03/96
A goldfish, a cat and a puppy
All decided to murder a yuppie
But sadly for them
This yuppie had phlegm
And they died instead of the yuppie!
Florida Jim writes 06/01/96
The first child of Annie (a daughter)
Exploring not quite where she oughter
Disturbed a big gator
Who reared up and ate her!
(She ran really fast, but he caught her.)