The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Squeaky-Clean Entries for February 1996
Few and Far Between
Phred writes 02/29/96
An ophthalmological surgeon
Fixed a cataract lens on a sturgeon.
Since the fish now could see,
It wasn't long till he
Swam away without any more urgin'.
Bob D writes 02/26/96
Until one is long in the tooth,
An unending search for the Truth.
To reduce the time
To reach the sublime,
One should mix gin with vermouth.
Bob D writes 02/25/96
Sometimes when I sit by the sea,
The sound of the waves breaking free
Relax my mind
And induce a kind
Of transcendent reality.
The Sage muses: This would make a good haiku subject...
I'm sorry for sinking so low
As to bash AbFab - a real cool show.
AbFab's really fun
And I hope it stays on,
But those damn "Groovy Movies" must go!!
Sweetie darling, glad you've come around...
Sten Svensson writes 02/23/96
A German guitarist called Fritz
Was murdered and cut into bits.
When they found his appendix,
It was marked "Jimi Hendrix"
And listed the names of his hits!
The Sage notes: Bizarre, but I like it!
Tim writes 02/22/96
Gamera, I agree MST
Was part of CC history,
But I must say "Don't crab
About gems like AbFab,
Though you can trash Tracey Ullman for free!"
Sweetie Darling, Tracey has her good points too!
One day God said to John Paul
"I'm really fed up with it all
Since you got the white smoke
You ain't told a joke
You just bore me with dull Papal bull"
Tim writes 02/21/96
Moses ate food from a trough. It
Was disgusting to see how he'd scoff it.
He grew round like a ball,
But was still loved by all
Because everyone likes a "fat prophet".
Baseball caps were made for clinging
When for a fly ball you're winging.
But worn indoors?
Only by boors
And those with a poor upbringing.
There once was a jester quite rude
Who danced for the king in the nude!
Old Cole roared: "Wear a Tu-Tu,
Or you'll ride a fast U-2!"
And decreed such behaviour "Too Lewd!"
Oh, a bow tie is always quite proper,
Officious, and such a show-stopper.
So, if you dress nude,
Remember this, Dude:
Be proper when greeting that copper!
Da Homer writes 02/19/96
On America Online we had met,
Falling deeper the closer we'd get.
Then came time and place
We would meet face to face -
Then I lose her, but I'll never forget.
One day a man of good cheer
Asked Descartes if he wanted a beer.
What the man got
Was "I think not"
While he watched Descartes disappear!
The time of the telephone bell
Says it's someone with something to sell.
"How are you", they begin
And I begin to sin
By wishing that they'd go to hell!
Said Freida, the talking cat
"I'll tell you where it's at -
We have no objection
To a little affection,
But we'd rather have food and that's that!"
Slade Grout writes 02/15/96
There once was a gossip named Sadie
Who lived her whole life rather shady -
"Talk is cheap", said the broad
And my friend, with a nod
Said "It is, but then so is the lady."
The next G.O.P. nominee -
Who pray tell will it be?
Bob Dole is too old -
Pat Buchanan will fold -
Which leaves it between you and me!
Stargazer writes 02/13/96
A friend who's in liquor production
Owns a still of astounding construction.
The alcohol boils
Through old magnet coils;
She says that it's "proof by induction."
GameraMSTy,
with a bone to pick, writes 02/11/96
Herzog, A guy I'd love to kill
Axed MST for a thrill
When MSTies asked why
He'd just reply
"To make more room to show Benny Hill"
Doug Herzog: that guy needs a slap!
MST put CC on the map!
Does he realize this? NO!
Instead he'll just show
AbFab and other such crap
Toast Point likes AbFab
A comedy called MST
Was clearly the best on TV
'Bots on the SOL
Trashed B movies from Hell
Too bad Herzog took over CC!
While drinking whiskey by the jug
An MTV moron named Doug
Saw what's obviously
The best show on TV
And decided to go pull the plug.
Doug Herzog, a guy with no shame
Would not keep the time slots the same
At 2 a.m. MST'd show
Then when ratings got low
Doug had only himself to blame.
Doug Herzog, that stupid d***weed
Decided that CC would need
A change for the worst
MST would go first
The whole network will prob'ly proceed.
Doug Herzog, a guy with no class
Saw MST and decided to pass
That guy's either sick
Or as dumb as a brick
Or drunk off his MTV ass!
Doug Herzog just makes me see red!
"Try to see MY point" he said
Well Doug, pardon me
The only point that I see
Is the one that's on top of your head!
A little-known fact is that Toast Point occasionally
dresses up like Mr. B Natural and dances around a giant treble clef.
Stargazer writes 02/10/96
There once was a fellow named Hodges
Who drove only Plymouths and Dodges.
They were somewhat passe
On the Champs Elysee,
But admired at Rotary lodges.
When visiting underground sites,
Remember which are stalagmites;
Just picture the chance
Of ants in your pants:
When mites go up, down come the tites!
Sylvie writes 02/09/96
A pious old poet and scholar
Of a Sabbath, wears clerical collar.
Each Sunday, he prays
For a sinner to raise
Up from sin, self-absorption, and squalor!
Tomas writes 02/09/96
The news out of Bryan-College Station
Created a worldwide sensation
A roomful of Aggies
With blowfish in baggies,
Claimed at last to have conquered inflation.
Anonymous writes 02/07/96
Lucinda, her marmalade spilling,
Is all the young gentlemen thrilling
As she butters her toast.
The waiter's engrossed
And burning the kipper he's grilling.
There once was a slug from Seattle
Who slithered off to fight in a battle.
He stopped to drink a malt;
It was filled to the brim with salt -
He never did fight in that battle!
Esme Vermiform writes 2/2
Oh God, here it's snowing again!
It's freezing since I-don't-know-when!
I long for the seaside,
A sweet summer breeze; I'd
Be happy six months hence...Til then!