I once knew a guy from ManhattanWho liked girls dressed in silk and in satin.
He drank only fine wine
When he went out to dine
And conversed just in Greek or in Latin!
The poet comments, "These are a lot easier if one doesn't stick too rigorously to anapestic rhythm. "
The smart Indian cow called Kamadhenu,The poet comments, "`Kamadhenu' and `Abhimanyu' are names from Hindu mythology. Used totally out of context in this limerick."
In summers, we would go to Darjeeling,
A place for which we share a common feeling,
Listen to scores of a bumble bee,
Sip cups of fresh mountain tea,
And restore our faith in nature's healing.
The poet comments, "I am not employed with the Dept. of India Tourism. "
The poet comments, "Wrote this for my husband for a Christmas "poetry" reading to entertain the troops."
I once knew a guy from Manhattan
Who liked girls dressed in silk and in satin.
He drank only fine wine
When he went out to dine
And conversed just in Greek or in Latin!
The poet comments, "I think I wrote this one myself, but parts of it I might have heard before. After all, how many words rhyme with Manhattan?"
My learned friend Kalkbrenner,
Wouldn't loan me even a tenner,
But while playing tutor,
At my computer,
Offered to buy me a 'scanner'
The poor poet K.Sivaramakrishnan,
Would try as hard as he can,
But still lose syllables,
Amidst the high decibels,
From Kalkbrenner's shouts of `Scan Man Scan.'
After reading Kalkbrenner's taunts,
Decided to stop my literary jaunts,
For the humor and wit,
That I tried to fit,
Find no takers at my favorite haunts.
Now, boys...nasty infighting doesn't belong here. It belongs in the Naughty section.
Those two talkative girls from MarseillesThe poet comments, "This one was born in English." "And French, too!" smiles the Sage.
The poet comments, "Yin and Yang, don'tcha know..."
The poet comments, "An overheard joke, converted."
The poet comments, "Another one that was written in Afrikaans (my first language) and then reworked into English. The Afrikaans version is better."
There once was a boy from der SchweizThe poet comments, "I wrote this for my young nephew, Henry, who is currently living in der Schweiz (German for Switzerland). "
There once was a boy from St. Gallen
Who came home from school quite crest-fallen
His teacher said "squirming
While speaking High Germing,
Is not what we do in St. Gallen."
The poet comments, "This was written for my other nephew living in Switzerland. The Swiss speak their own dialect (Swiss German) until about 3rd grade when they start learning High German as a second language (kind of like the Ebonics that is going on in Oakland!:) By the way, this is a rare occasion in which I repeated the first rhyme at the end. If O. Nash can do it, so can I!"
Yes, but he's dead...
Mr. K. SivaramakrishnanThe poet comments, "No offence, just abuse."
His are much closer than Mr. Ron's (in the naughty section).
There was this guy called Erique,
Who was a very good critique -
As a knowledgable sage,
He scrutinized each page,
And thus compiled the book 'Limerick'!
Flattery will get you all sorts of places.
He had promised to coach me quick,
How to have public mannerisms slick,
I had tried to display my best,
But he commented after the test,
"Supposed to scratch your nose, not pick."
There once was an atheist named Dwight.
If you find yourself South Provo way,The poet comments, "Netware support is just grand..."
Toast Point was in Orem a few years ago for WordPerfect training and had a great time. As for user support, that's why TP is now a tech writer... :)
To write a political limerick
The candidate won't be named Tim or Nick.
But the goals of the champ
shan't dim Liberty's lamp
even if times require him to trim her wick!
The poet comments, "Yes, I know I repeated the word time on the first and last line, but have you got a better idea?"
Scientific instruments never would budge,
In 'Planet Hollywood' is a 'Composers Shack',
Where stars would enact their favorite with knack,
Willis would choose Beethoven's part,
Stallone would try to play Mozart,
and Schwarzenegger would just say "I'll be Bach."
First, she knocked it down like a skittle,
In a kitchen, a dog is once said
The poet comments, "This is a compressed adaptation of a German rhyme sung to a Neapolitan tune."
Thanks for the correction. In response to your question,
The poet comments, "This is an experiment that got out of hand."
Toast Point sort of gets it.
Toast Point grins..."Too late!"
Early morn, she was visiting her beau,The Sage tweaked the meter of the 3rd and 4th lines, he confesses.
The singer kept asking "Where do you go ?",
Soon a chorus joined chantin "O-O-Oye-O-O-O",
A couple of reindeers did neigh,
But still kept drawin his sleigh,
From the white flowing beard came "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
The poet comments, "Some plagiarism from a chart-buster, but I guess it is permissible."
The little green men from Mars,
Landed in their inter-galactic cars,
While analysing our civilization,
They came to the realization,
Intelligence of Earthlings is a farce!
His conversations were bouts of stammerisms,
Every party had a discussion of his mannerisms,
But when he rode a well boiled icicle,
Instead of a well oiled bicycle,
He was crowned the king of spoonerisms!
Toast Point has always been fond of "The Lord is a shoving leopard".
In my town, there was an unprecedented hype,
When they found a flower of unusual type,
It hung from a woodland plant,
Nodding at an awkward slant,
Botanists exclaimed "Ah! the great Indian pipe!"
The poet comments, "Indian pipe is indeed a flower, scientific name for the same is Monotropa uniflora"
A Britisher in Madras called Mr. Johnny,
Was popular with locals for being brawny,
When asked about his diet,
He would usually keep quiet,
Until he was caught gulping mulligatawny.
The poet comments, "Mulligatawny is a kind of soup. Folks may be interested to know that the w word made it into English, probably from the Britishers when they ruled over India. Mulligatawny, owns its origins to the language 'Tamil' , the majority language spoken in the city of Chennai, (known previously as Madras) capital of Tamil Nadu, a state in India. It is assumed to be a morphed form of the combination of 'milagu' (meaning black pepper) and 'thanni' (meaning water)."
From here on, Toast Point insists that every limerick be submitted with extensive footnoting. :)
Toast Point inserted the NASA limerick in the Naughty contest.
An auditor claimed, "How abys-The poet comments, "That's what you get if you leave decisions to auditors."
Young doc, dermatology flash,
Was arrested and given the lash,
With alchemist's call,
Took warts, zits, and all,
And transformed them into hard cash!
The poet claims these are autobiographical.
An adaptable bird is the parrot,
An hard-headed Yank from Cape Cod
Denied the existence of God.
But, alas! when he died,
He was sent to be fried,
And he's STILL not sufficiently awed!
A tractable beast, the Professor:
Though he pose as a slovenly dresser,
Becomes tidy and clean
Once he becomes Dean,
Which is when he has learned to say, "Yessir!"
A wondrous machine, the computer:
You can run 'er, and load 'er, and boot 'er,
She's got memory and drive,
(Why, she's almost alive!)
But at times I could just execute 'er!
In seventeen seventy-three,
There arrived a large shipment of tea.
But the Yankees deep-sixed it,
The tea-tax, they nixed it,
And now we enjoy liber-tea!
Doc Baker told me with a sigh,
"Your cholesterol level's too high."
No more eggs do I crack,
Now it's iron I lack,
And the Doc, why, he eats humble pie!
My Gramps feels no cramps at fandango;
His spine is just fine for the tango.
But I don't think he oughta
Attempt the lambada,
'Cause he's old as the gold in Durango!
Some men known for jovial bonhomie
Now carry a dour physiognomy.
They blame the recession
(As proved by regression),
But I blame the blasted economy!
Toast Point is awed by Emily's productivity.
The poet comments, "Work of fiction, not intended to undermine tennis skills of players mentioned"