Happy Face! Happy Face!

The Toast Point Limerick Contest!

Squeaky-Clean Entries from November, 1996

Few and Far Between


Jaime L W writes 11/29/96

There once was a man with a fro
Who went by the name of Moe.
One dark night
He fergot his light
And what'd ya know, he stubs his toe!

Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/29/96

Dundee was test driving a brand new Subaru,
Thought it sure beat riding his pet Wallaroo,
But when the potholes came,
He felt both were same,
Decided "No difference between a car & a kangaroo!"

The poet comments, "Wallaroo is indeed a kangaroo!"

Model

Gold Star! The pretty Argentinian model from Mendoza,
Was known to have irritations in her mucosa,
When, on the night of the pageant,
She fainted in the arms of her agent,
Doctor sighed "Another case of anorexia nervosa!"

Christopher Jacobs writes 11/26/96

I have no great talent in arts,
Rarely an idea just starts.
I could be waiting all night,
So if I really must write
I'll just have to try using my smarts!

Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/26/96

There was this kid called Culkin,
Who sat home alone bulkin,
When, without any hitch,
He became Richie Rich,
Friends urged him to stop sulkin.

Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/25/96

Expedition

With a box of antihistamine pills,
I was climbing the Aravalli hills,
When I had tripped and fallen,
Had avoided the pollen,
But still sneezed from the scent of dills!

The poet comment, "Aravallis range of mountains in northern India... Almost sure that you don't find dills there !"


Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/22/96

Gold Star! With my violin, from dawning to dusk,
At the corner of the street, I would busk.
Always girding my loins,
For those extra coins,
From the few there who knew wheat from husk.

The Sage tweaked it just a bit...


Crispy writes 11/22/96

Gold Star! Fertile limerick land is so tillable,
And brings forth fruit, oh so thrillable!
It's easy to rhyme,
But the metrical time,
Sinks scansion if you don't count syllable!

So true...

In scanning my lim'ricks, I vow,
I have overused bovine word "cow",
My ways I will mend,
And try this to end,
Of "cow", I have had quite enow!

Does your spouse hypocorisms use?,
And let you all dignity lose,
I would like to know,
Your petty name, so,
I'll cut you short, just like Toulouse!

The poet informs us that a hypocorism is a 'pet name'.


Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/21/96

Archimedes

He kept thinking above the hub-bub,
Of a constant rub-dub-a-dub-dub,
When he saw himself splash,
It all came in a flash,
"Eureka!", he yelled out of the bathtub

TV Junkie, or "Sick with cabin fever "

Gold Star! Whenever snow had the street in locks,
I would cuddle up in my socks,
Dressed in my flannels,
I would surf the channels,
Enacting my role in "The idiot & the idiot-box."

Larry Dahl writes 11/20/96

The mosquito that's buzzing my head
Will sooner or later be dead.
But I fear I'll be bitten
Before it is smitten
So lie awake here in my bed!

Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/20/96

Gold Star! There was this knight from Western Australia,
Who had come down with all his paraphernalia,
While others dropped drunk in revelry,
He stood sober in chivalry,
Wondering why he was being saturnine in a saturnalia!

The poet comments, "I am still working on the meters for turning out a good limerick, but IMHO this one shouldn't be bad !"

The Sage grins, "Almost there..."


Christopher Jacobs writes 11/19/96

Gold Star! Othello's crime he never denied.
On his sword, not his lawyers, relied.
Few men are as brave,
But the time we would save,
If it was something that O.J. had tried!

The poet comments, "For those readers who may not have read "Othello", he kills himself after he is tricked into killing his wife."


Christopher Jacobs writes 11/18/96

Chris was a poet quite new
And he liked his poems in view.
When they get out of sight,
He wants some more height.
So he adds a few more every week or two.

The poet comments, "I like my works to be near the top of the page." Toast Point responds, "Well, that's the way to do it!"


Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/18/96

Thoughts search for their locus,
Amidst all the hocus-pocus,
I ponder,
They wander,
And I hope they maintain their focus.

The poet comments, "Short & sweet , eh ?"

English is a good communication medium,
that is, until you come across an idiom,
and also those idiosyncrasies from hell,
when those nose run and feet smell,
but hey! isn't that what breaks the tedium ?

He was deeply immersed in work for the patent,
his ignorance of others became blunt & blatant,
when they did persist, pompous and loud,
"we never knew, you had it in you", "Oh ! we're so proud",
he mumbled, "thats ok, most talents are indeed latent."

He was an incorrigible flirt,
who was always chasing skirt,
until it earned his head a bump,
his career a huge slump,
and he came to be known as common as dirt.

The poet comments, "should this go to the naughty section ?" Toast Point responds, "Nope. Nothing naughty about it."

The Sage points out that limericks are really quite rigid metrically and the poet might want to pay more attention to this.


Writerman writes 11/16/96

Last night a car alarm horn
Kept me sleepless all night until dawn.
The next time its owner
Repeats the same boner,
He'll regret having ever been born!

Oo, them's fightin' words!


Crispy writes 11/16/96

Gold Star! Dermatologist, dog-loving man,
Was arrested and thrown in the "can",
His crime, it was simple,
He named his pup, "Pimple",
And squeezed him whenever he ran!

The poet comments, "Another Cybergeezer reject. I think he doesn't know what "dermatologist" means."

Ewwww!


Note to SiNC - your "Usenet" limerick was so odd and had such a garbled 4th line Toast Point didn't know what to do with it. The Sage will look at it if it is rewritten and clarified.

Agamar writes 11/15/96

There once was a turtle named Nog
Who decided to live on a log.
But then it rolled over
He sunk like a boulder
And now he resides in the bog!

Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan writes 11/15/96

Gold Star! I had an invitation to his chateau,
For a discussion on words portmanteau,
So, over breakfast and lunch,
We coined the word 'brunch',
And exclaimed that it was a piece of gateau !

The poet comments, "Aren't portmanteau words just another means of efficient evolution of the language !"

Toast Point, not fully awake, had to grab for his dictionary. "Portmanteau words" are indeed two words scrunched together, like "brunch". "Gateau" is cake! "Duh!", you say? Well, fie on you!


Christopher Jacobs writes 11/14/96

Gold Star! My poems are never obscene -
They don't insult, offend or demean.
I'd write "naughty" instead,
But I haven't the head,
My mind is simply too clean!

The poet comments, "It's true"

There once was a poet named Nick,
Who tried to write a good limerick.
He might have thought he was great,
but he was just second rate,
dyslexic. little a was he see You


Serious Player shares a classic 11/11/96

There was a young poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know.
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line I can!"

The poet comments, "Does usage of the word "can" qualify this for a naughty limerick????"

Beavis replies, "Huh-huh, you said 'can'! Huh-huh."


Crispy writes 11/08/96

A young man on Rogaine rub bent,
Desired to docs circumvent -
His hairs, though they're willin',
Really need penicillin,
So instead of all comin', they went!

The poet comments, "I had this published in the AMA Journal, to warn my fellow physicians about examining their patients for other causes of hair loss, before dispensing Rogaine. This patient had syphilis!"


Christopher Jacobs writes 11/05/96

Gold Star! Performing is really quite hard.
I wonder how it was for the bard,
When a medieval king,
Demand that he sing,
Or be dragged away by the guard?

The poet comments, "And I thought I had a tough audience in Speech 1!"


Stargazer writes 11/02/96

Gold Star! 'Though bigots may raise up a rumpus,
We won't let their naysaying stump us:
So a Toast and three cheers
From your own little Lears
For the marriage of Toast Point and Wumpus!

Yay!