The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Naughty Entries...
from Poets Who Step Beyond the Bounds of Propriety
January 1996 Entries
Miss Muffet's not happy today
As, whilst eating her curds and whey,
There came down a spider
That soon got inside her
And discovered vaginal decay!
The Sage gets it, after Toast Point explains that "Biro", in England, is
the brand name of a pen. Toast Point learned this from the Hitchhiker's Guide
Series.
Sylvie writes 1/30
Sylvie adores her computer
As it serves forth each virtual suitor.
They diddle with text;
What will they say next,
With their limericks lewder and lewder?
Charl's gone, and now Og's in a funk,
Surveying his too-empty bunk.
Anon's feeling like mud,
Stan is pulling his pud,
But Sylvie's in search of a hunk!
Whether you like it or not,
Stan, I have one helluva twat!
So Sport, no more waiting,
I'm anticipating
Giving you all that I've got!
Sylvie, after a tad too much wine
Was arrested for rhyming with nine.
She said, "Judge, you're so cute
"I'll just have to reboot;
"But I do adore coming on-line!"
Writerman writes 1/30
Time to get me a life
And elude this everyday strife!
My destiny calls -
So I'll get up the balls
To divorce my inflatable wife!
Phred writes 1/30
An embarrassed young lady (not Charlotte)
Made her income by playing the harlot,
But when something would stink
She would blush a bright pink
So the harlot's nickname became Scarlet.
Old Timer shares a classic 1/29
There once was a man named Clute
Who had seven warts on his root.
He poured acid on these,
And now when he pees,
He fingers his root like a flute.
OgThePoet writes 1/29
And then there's the one about Rocko
Who fell in love with a taco!
It reminded him of
That sweet place of love
And the sex with his taco... was socko!
Mill Dew shares a classic 1/29
There was an old man from Kent
Whose pecker was terribly bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
So instead of coming, he went!
Yeast Infection writes 1/29
There once was a baker named Kevin
Who was over 10 inches when leven
Woman would say
In a breathless sorta way
That eleven from Kevin was heaven!
Pete writes 1/28
There once was a guy named Peter
Who put two coins in a meter
When they got stuck
He yelled out "Oh Fuck"
Then broke the meter!
Superbowl quality varies
Comes down to a bunch of "Hail Mary's"
Who cares - Pittsburgh or Dallas?
The ball is a phallus!
And the players? They're all latent fairies!
Stan writes 1/28
Sylvie said, "Sample my cooze"
"While Charlotte is off on her cruise."
But her pussy's no match
For Charl's perfect snatch
And her blowjobs no man can refuse!
SportsFan writes 1/28
Sylvie's not written again.
Won't she be doing the men?
We're standing in line
For her licks so divine -
Oh, Sylvie, please say you've a yen!
A poet who might be Martin Wellborn writes 1/27
The confetti should not be uncurled
And Bon Voyages should not be hurled
For when she's out cruisin'
And flirtin' and boozin'
Charl always has gone 'round the world!
Once there was a woman from Zwilling,
And she had a peculiar feeling,
She lay on her back,
And opened her crack,
And pised all over the ceiling.
Robert writes 1/26
There was a young lass named Victoria
Who lived just south of Peoria.
When she gave Robert head,
She said that it led
To a feeling of utter euphoria!
Sally strattles shooting stars every night just before bed,
When the moon shifts and the planet spins we turn to Fred.
Fred looking up through the sky sees the galliant Sally.
Sally drops two pieces of doody upon Fred's bed spread.
When Fred smells the doody he shoots a fart clear to the moon.
The Sage is appalled, not by the content, but by the complete lack of
attention to limerick format.
Martin writes 1/25
Marty's girl friend named Vicky
Got high by sucking his dickie!
She thought his precum
Tastes like cola and rum
And his jism like a lemon/lime rickey!
Charlotte's leaving us - going world cruising.
A great writer and friend we are losing!
We wish her good luck -
May the men she will fuck
All be of Charlotte's own choosing!
SportsFan writes 1/24
So Charl's handing off all the men?
So glad Sylvie came here just then!
Now seven becomes six
She'll handle them dicks.
This Sylvie is sure no old hen!
Mr Blister writes 1/24
Little Wu Lee from Nanking
Was caught red-handed wanking.
"It's mere a drill, mom,
Didn't even mean to come!"
But mom thought the lad needed spanking...
Richard Wall writes 1/24
A lass named Becky from 'Bama
Wore her lovers' old shirts as pajamas
They were comfy, not tight
Their smell was just right
And her dreams were real mamajammers!
Sylvie writes 1/24
Charl's kicking up one sexy rumpus
With Og, Stan, anon, Toast, and Wumpus.
But I'll make it heaven -
A party of seven -
Until the guys move on, and dump us!
Little Richard writes 1/24
Ginger said, "Give me a break!"
"My pussy is starting to ache."
"I did fifteen men"
"Then I did them again"
"That's all that my pussy can take."
Her pussy was titanic in size
Tucked snugly well up twixt her thighs
She could service a gnu
Two apes and a shrew
With room for at least seven guys!
Ogmentation writes 1/23
Her tiny breasts made Lynn's life hellish
Their fullness she sought to embellish
Once Double A, these -
Are now Double D's!!!
Now she serves them to men with great relish!
Little Richard writes 1/23
A certain young fellow named Dick
Like to feel Ginger's hand on his prick
He taught her to fool
With his rigid old tool
And to give it a kiss and a lick
Ginger's client named Rex
Had diminuitive organs of sex
When charged with exposure
She plead with composure
"De minimis non curat lex!
Charlotte writes 1/23
The time has come to announce the news
That Charl says bye to each Toast Point muse
She won't be writing more on this page
A special hug to Wumpus and the Sage
She's gone for good (?) on a worldwide cruise!
Mr. Blister writes 1/22
While Og and Stan sang Charlotte's praises
I bought an inflatable lay from Macy's
Willing gal, not much of a spastic
But them hooters oh so elastic!
Alas, she got a puncture and now pushes daisies...
Mr. E submits a classic 1/22
There waz a man named dave
Who kept an old whore in a cave
She waz missing a tit
And smelled like shit
But look at the money he saved!
Said Persian Gulf sailor Lafarge
After months on a mine sweeping barge,
"Though I've WAVEd it and WACed it
And tried to retract it,
It's still up for a honorable discharge."
Said Grizelda, a poor, hungry slob -
To the man who she gave a blow job:
"I'm really quite grateful,
It's like eating a plateful
Of hot dogs and corn on the cob!"
Toast Point, inspired by a witty comment by
Wumpus, writes 1/20
To your ear, if you hold up a shell,
The ocean you'll hear (so they tell) -
But you'll find you've got
A lot more with a twat...
Not only the sound, but the smell!
Rondo submits a classic 1/20
There once was a man from Eau Claire
Who was fucking his wife on the stairs
On the 41st stroke
The bannister broke
So he polished her off in mid-air!!!
Þórður Sveinsson writes 1/20
Burtu með sorgir og sút!
Sveiattan, það held ég nú!
Kauptu þér viskíkút
og kneifaðu' 'ann síðan af stút.
Já, kneifaðu' 'ann síðan af stút.
The Sage thought this hysterically funny.
Toast Point has no idea what it means.
Rmac writes 1/20
A lonely young lass named Louise
Could surely attract men with ease ...
Except for the presence
In her adolescence
Of zits from her tits to her knees.
A limerick flame war? How quaint!
Like the stuff in the newsgroups this ain't,
Since maintaining a schism
In correct rhyme and rhythm,
Imposes unusual contraints.
Little Richard writes 1/19
Ginger, a girl from Laguna
Wore a merkin all lined with vicuna
But if you nuzzle her quiff
And take only one sniff
You'll find it still smells like a tuna!
Toast Point notes: See the Wumpus/Toast Point collaboration above...
As he entered her muff for a dive
He said, "it's on Ginger's pussy I thrive"
"Her bush if real boss
You can use it to floss
And her quiff smells like Chanel No. 5"
Ginger's pussy is rated a ten
He said with his face in a grin
It's firm and it's tight
An incredible sight
"I want it again and again"!
Charl writes 1/19
Writhin' so busy with six horny men
That would be Charlotte's idea of heaven.
They'd share a few tricks
And all get some licks.
Cummin' together again & again!
F.D. Zone writes 1/19
A farmer from southern Belize
Invented a new kind of cheese
By a curious suction
Flatulence production
Is discharged as inaudible breeze.
Stan writes 1/19
Anonymous may be your pen name
And diatribe may well be your game
You've attacked me in rhyme
While you muck in your slime
But your limericks still put you to shame
Come out from the closet, you cad!
Or are you afraid to be spotted unclad?
Will the folks find you silly
With your wee little willie?
Now please don't you go away mad!
Ogden Nield writes 1/19
A greek-loving fellow from Mass.
Would only butt-fuck a lass.
Said his girlfriend, Miss Morse,
"The man's hung like a horse -
But he's such a pain in the ass!"
Charl writes 1/19
Anon, if you give me a peek
Your true name, I never would leak.
Send me an email:
I'll answer without fail.
Information is all that I seek!
So Wumpus would say to five, Nix?
This problem is easy to fix.
How does this sound?
Just look around ...
Add him to make the group six!
Toast Point notes: Wumpus just isn't that adventurous...
A man from Nantucket
Couldn't believe he could suck it,
And caught it with both hands,
And then he proceded to fuck it.
The sage wonders what exactly this is.
Grettir the Dong writes 1/19
Miss Harding, a figure skater
Was a devout masturbator
On ice, during a Schalkow stunt
The audience got a peek of her cunt
And discovered the secret vibrator!
OG writes 1/18
One thing the lady's made clear:
She'll fuck anything that comes near!
Apes, dogs, hyenas -
If they've got a penis
She's got their pussy right here!
Tried to save the lady from rape -
Her reaction left me agape -
When the lady in question
Gave me this suggestion:
I'm enjoying my rape, you big ape!
Said the lady to all of her men
"I've rated you all 1 to 10 -
Not inches, but points,
So the size of your joints
Doesn't matter." Oh really? Since when?
After Og gave his lady a ring,
She was shocked by the size of his thing!
Og said, "Like it or not,
This is all that I've got!
Get your Whopper at old Burger King!"
Mr Blister writes 1/18
The honorable judge Boyd's
Ass was bristling with hemorrhoids
Too bad 'cause he was gay
So it's almost needless to say
He got no compensation from Lloyd's.
While Og and Stan sang Charlotte's praises
I bought an inflatable one from Macy's
Now there was a gal, not much of a spastic
But them hooters, ah so elastic!
Alas, she got a puncture and now pushes daisies...
We love it, except for the scansion...
CeeJay writes 1/18
A sailor who hailed from Sri Lanka
Was first mate on a giant oil tanker.
He thought it a bore
To go screwing ashore,
So he stayed on the ship. What a wanker!
Ginger Lee Innbed writes 1/17
Is it true that you frolic with jello?
It's far better to find a young fellow
Certainly it's true
They're much firmer, too
And you don't have to scrub off the yellow!
There once was a remarkable stripper
Who never had time for a zipper
She'd rip off her dress
Exposing her breasts
And wait for the young men to tip her.
Anon writes 1/17
I'd love to screw Charlotte so sweet,
Her pussy's my fantasy treat.
So when Ogden and Stan
Try to fight man-to-man,
She and I will be warmed by love's heat.
Sweet Young Thang writes 1/17
"Is it true that you frolic with jello?"
My ugly fat boss likes to bellow.
If he tries any tricks
Or gelatinous licks,
I'll cut the balls off that fat fellow.
Charl writes 1/17
If Charl were to stand by her man
Would it be for Ogden or Stan?
Now there is a third one
Who asks to be called Hon ...
Her head turns to give him a glan(ce).
Anonymous, you understand?
Og says that you aren't that grand!
He says it's a mistake
That trouble you will make.
He demands you release me, unhand!
But Ogden, I wasn't offended.
Too soon this affair would be ended.
He could be the one
To bring me some fun
And leave me quite truly contented! :-)
Anonymous though you wish to be,
I can't help it that I want to see.
Please come over here
And show you don't fear.
We can't play if you're hiding from me!
Ginger writes 1/17
Richard and Ginger can play
Morning and night through the day.
The window is open.
A guest they are hopin'.
To watch or to join - they don't say.
Ginger is ready to cum.
Listen and you'll hear her hum.
It's nearly an hour.
Thank god he's got power.
Longer and Dick would be numb!
Toast Point writes 1/17
Our Charlotte deserves highest praise
For being the hottest of lays,
But Ogden and Stanley
Both sound very manly
Intriguing to some of us gays!
Perhaps just a party of five...
Atop a huge bed we could writhe
Charl, Toast, Og and Stan
And Anonymous Man
But Wumpus would thrash me alive!
CeeJay writes 1/17
A contortionist born in Bengal
Kept her many admirers in thrall
With erotic embraces:
She'd muscles in places
Where most girls have nothing at all!
OgThePoet writes 1/16
While "Anonymous" rapes the fair Charl
Stan & Og ride up on a Harl
And since we both hate him
We debowel and castrate him
"Anonymous" - you raped the wrong garl!
He's "Anonymous" - (easy to be)
And writes about Charl, Stan & me.
This guy with no name
Is a guy with no shame -
I hope all you readers agree!
Anonymous has rocks in his head
If he thinks Charl would join him in bed
She'd prefer even me than
This absolute heathen -
There's much truth in what I have said.
Poison Mystery writes 1/16
My friend was horny and hot,
But her boyfriend was not.
So I gave her a tickle tick,
And one great lick.
She was no longer horny or hot.
While looking for someone to love
Cupid gave Ogden a shove
In front of a truck
He got banged up,.poor fuck -
What could Og have been thinking of?
Anonymous writes 1/15
While Ogden and Stanley are fighting,
Sweet Charl to my bed I'm inviting!
We'll fuck and give head
On the floor or in bed,
And then we'll fuck more. Sound exciting?
Renaissance_Guy writes 1/15
A buxom young thing, our Nurse Nancy
Whose long slender legs, I did fancy.
Just imagine my surprise
When by the gleam in her eyes
I discovered in her bed an occupancy!
Grettir the Dong writes 1/15
The sergeant major, aptly named Johnson
Had a tool like the arm of Charles Bronson
"Goddammit!" he thought
"Can't fit in these rubbers I bought.
I think I'll settle for your mom, son."
Mr Blister writes 1/15
The peace talks went bad for "Nap" Bonaparte
When, once again, he couldn't control his fart
The duke he was with (a bit of a bore)
Thus decided to go on with the war
This incident really broke Napoleon's heart.
Al Einstein of relative fame
Mildly drunk while humping a dame
Quite suddenly discovered that space
Really wasn't that linear place!
But his mate thought the fuck became lame...
Hmmm writes 1/14
When I feel that itch start to call me,
How I yearn for a man who will ball me.
A dick just so right.
My pussy is tight.
So my day can end feeling balmy.
Eirrab Snilloc writes 1/14
A buxom young thing, our Nurse Nancy,
Has often been known to get antsy
When her patients are crude
When they ask to get screwed,
But she's yours if you tickle her fancy.
OgThePoet writes 1/14
A wanker was King Ferdinand
He thought masturbation quite grand!
He stopped performing the act
When the shank that he wacked
Got a social disease from his hand!
Mr Blister writes 1/14
There was a known thinker, Descartes
Who was severely plagued by his farts.
When he had to lecture,
His ass would conjecture,
But boy, that fellow had smarts!
"You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor
"Come here, rub under my plaster!"
The choirboy grinned,
Said "I've never sinned."
He knew the twists of his master.
Eirrab Snilloc writes 1/13
Said a lady, both luscious and lickable,
"By all married men I'm unprickable.
I'll only play house
With a man with no spouse!"
So I lied, said, "That's me!" How despicable!!!
A gourmet from old Albuquerque
Had an id quintessentially quirky.
On a dish he'd recline
With his legs bound in twine
And have himself stuffed like a turkey!
Mr Blister writes 1/13
This perverted farmer from Anjou
Threatened his cow, "Now I'll screw you!"
The cow was disgusted,
Her butt badly busted,
And she sprayed the farmer with doo-doo!
A patient named Archibald Proctor
as hot for the young lady doctor
"Doc, check out this boner,
'Cause soon I'm a goner,
And what good is then a cock for?"
Harrison writes 1/12
I had a friend named Bill Matlock
Who liked to cook with a big wok
"My food tastes so great
Because I masturbate
And add an ingredient from my cock!"
I knew a young chap we called Tim
Who decided to go out on a whim -
He paid for a whore,
But got even more,
When he found out the her was a him!
F.D. Zone writes 1/12
An obnoxious old prick from Prague
Had a wife who resembled a hog.
He exploited her grunting
By taking her hunting
For truffles she found in the fog!
Stan submitted 1/9, but it didn't get to Toast Point until 1/12
The girls all flocked around Den
He said with a humorous grin
As he serviced one lass
With his cock up her ass
She said, "Go slow, you're tickling my chin."
Grettir the Dong writes 1/12
This modest old chap in Helsinki
Had a dick the size of a pinky
But whenever the dolls
Discovered his balls
They screamed in terror "that's kinky!"
Conan the Librarian writes 1/11
This flame war of Ogden and Stan
Will fill up a huge garbage can.
From motives of spite
Their lim'ricks have bite
And are equally easy to pan.
As he stood near the Queen on her throne
The Jester's cock got hard as a bone:
"Ma'am, I do beg your pardon
For getting a hard on -
The thing has a mind of its own!"
I am not one of those chumps
Who agrees with that theory of Gump's
He says it's "chocklit"
And I say, "a crock, it...
Is just a box full of brown lumps!
Putz writes 1/9
Is it true that you frolic with jello?
Your persona is so very mellow
I shove lime up her pussy
And cherry up her tushy
If I were you sir, I'd be a very happy fellow!
A variation of the classic was submitted anonymously 1/9
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
One day he did slip
And bit off the tip
And spit it right into a bucket.
There once was a man named Great Bear
Who had one, only one, pubic hair
Though his friends all made fun
He said, "Wait, I'm not done"
For the next day, It was a jungle in there.
Stan writes 1/9
Ogden, a wonderful bard
When aroused, was known to get hard
He could hammer a nail
Or skewer a quail
Or hang clothes on it out in the yard!
Ogden is great when he humors
His wit can drop a gal's bloomers
The girls on the street
All flock at his feet
Begging to be one of his roomers
"Oh, Richard, come here - won't you please?
Don't stand over there, you big tease!
Let's not quibble.
I want just a nibble.
I'm here for you, down on my knees ...."
When Ginger desires a man
She sets an erotica plan.
Her pussy's so ready
When she gives Dick heady
And feels his hands on her can.
When men come about her they stare.
Perhaps it's her fine golden hair.
She lets it hang long
To tickle their dong
And give them such pleasure with flair!
Pretty Grimm writes more fairy tales 1/9
Sleeping Beauty, that bitch
Woke up with a vaginal itch
While sleeping around
She'd made love to a hound
And woke up with the mutt in a ditch!
Our research in folklore discovers
Hansel and Gretel were lovers!
Hansel did all his lovin'
In Gretel's hot oven
Located under the covers!
The Sage apologizes, but he just had to fiddle with it -
just a bit...
OgThePoet writes 1/8
At first Og ignored this guy Stan
But now he's annoyed with the man
Stan, write more about me
You asshole and see
Og make the shit hit the fan!
Stan's poetry gives me the "willies"
About me he's written some dillies!
Mean-spirited stuff -
Well, the Og's had enough -
That heel has found my achilles!
Toast Point is anticipating a rumble...
Blue-Eyed Devil writes 1/8
Observing the bulge in his khakis
The governor said to his lackeys:
"No, not on your life
Am I hot for my wife -
I'm hot for that fellow Pataki's."
Before giving your queen a ring
Better make her show you her "thing"
It's not such a sin to
Know what you're getting into
She might not be your QUEEN but your KING!
Toast Point notes that there are queens and there are queens...
A cunnilinguical lady named June
Offered pie to gourmand, Mr. Moon
"Eat me," she uttered
All salted and buttered -
"Use a knife and a fork and a spoon!"
Pretty Grimm writes some naughty fairy tales 1/8
That Little Red Riding Hood slut
Needed a dick up her butt
When the wolf had her anally
She moaned so insane-ally
Like some kind of fairy-tale nut!
Cinderella, that whore
At the ball found a prince to adore
When he showed with the shoe
She yelled, "Princeman, fuck you!"
Which they did then and there on the floor!
Little Tom Thumb is a prick
Believe me, the guy makes me sick!
He never reached in a pie -
He reached in his FLY -
And pulled out the world's smallest dick!
There once was a man from Teeswater
Who jumped into the bed with his daughter
Well you know the rest
It was just incest
The result was a three-footed otter!
Ratty shares a classic 1/7
There was a young girl from Mauritius
Who said "The taste of your cum is delicious,
But when you next want to cum,
Please cum up my bum!
As the scabs on your prick look suspicious...
Stan writes 1/7
Ogden, a man of bad verse
At screwing, was found to be worse
When he dove for her bush
He got his tongue in her tush
An act that was very perverse.
Our Ogden is no Ogden Nash
His limericks border on trash
It's clear that his verse
About Nancy the nurse
He wrote with his nose in her gash!
A cross-dressing fellow named Chip
Needed new clothes for a trip.
So he borrowed his Auntie's
But he pissed in her panties
'Cause there was no fly there to unzip!
Georgette writes 1/6
Is it true that you frolic with jello?
Did you hear me when I said hello?
I did say it now,
You have a brown cow,
My cat doesn't like Mellow Yellow!
A buxom young thing, our Nurse Nancy
She gets as a patient our Stan, see?
But she never discovers
Charl under Stan's covers
And Stan gets into both of their pants, see!
Fiddlin' Ron submits a classic 1/6
Nymphomaniacal Alice,
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
And half of her asshole in Dallas!
The Sage notes: Variants of this pop up all the time here.
Residents of North and South Carolina must have to carry umbrellas...
Those who compose dirty poems
Those ignominious gnomes -
They deserve castration,
Or humiliation -
And roaches invading their homes!
The Sage prefers to reward them with gold stars!
While licking the clit of my lover
An earring I chanced to discover!
I know it's a fad -
Not saying it's bad -
But I must say I do think less of her.
Toast Point offers the poet
A place for his talent to show it
If he's not good, they might
Say "that asshole can't write!"
And doesn't the whole damn world know it!
The Hardy Boys, on an adventure
Were both giving head when a denture
Broke off in front
And fell into the cunt
Of (THE GIRL'S NAME TOAST POINT MUST NOW CENSURE).
Little Richard writes 1/5
She guided his head to her lap
Where soon his tongue filled Ginger's gap
She moaned and she groaned
Then he slipped her the bone
Would this make sweet Ginger snap?
Stan writes 1/5
Ogden, a poet of sorts
Was seen by Ms. Charl without shorts
She said, "you look silly
With your wee little willie
Of what use is it to cavorts?"
Ogden, a poet of note
Got a pubic hair stuck in his throat
It blew into his mouth
On a wind from the South
Or at least, that's what he wrote...
CeeJay writes two...
Said the young and athletic Miss Berry,
When asked why she was always so merry:
"I take part in all sorts
Of amateur sports,
But my favourite is losing my cherry!"
Said the wife of a man from Dundee,
Who returned from a voyage at sea:
"Is that a sky-rocket
You have in your pocket,
Or are you just pleased to see me?"
and shares a classic 1/5
There was an old man from Dundee,
Who came home as drunk as could be.
He wound up the clock
With the end of his cock,
And buggered his wife with the key.
Stan writes 1/4
A buxom young thing, our Nurse Nancy
Had the hots for a doc named Tom Clancy
But it wasn't his M.D.
Which brought her to her knee
Twas his willie that captured her fancy!
You Know Who writes 1/4
Now Stan is inviting a friend.
My favors he wishes to lend.
So should I agree
To make this a three?
But who would I find at which end?
Anonymous Bosch writes 1/4
There once was a girl from Manila
Who gave head to a two-ton gorilla
Now when she described
The taste she'd embibed
She stated, "It sure ain't vanilla!"
The Old Man submits two classics 1/4
There once was a mathematician named Paul
Who had a triangular ball.
The cube of its weight
Plus his pecker times eight
Is his number, so give him a call!
There once was a girl from Belsizes
Whose teats were of two different sizes.
One was quite small
And worth nothing at all.
While the other was big and won prizes.
This last one is one of Toast Point's favorites from way back.
Charlotte & Stan are an item!
Great limericks - both of them write 'em!
Immagination recalls
Her mouth near his balls
And Stan yelling, "Charlotte, don't bite 'em!"
Tim T. submits 1/4
There once was a man named Calhoun
His mother was a whore in a saloon
It wasn't his luck
To be raised by a fuck -
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.
CeeJay writes 1/4
In his pants a young chap from Cancun
Had a bulge that made all the girls swoon...
On closer inspection
His massive erection
Turned out to be just a balloon.
Is it true that you frolic with jello?
While saying "hello" to your "fellow"?
I really don't care
if you jello your hair,
but I wish that you'd stifle your bellow!
Dads Dirt submits classics 1/3
There once was a sea captain's bride
Who fell into the bay at low tide,
And you could tell from her squeals
That the salt water eels
Had found a new dark place to hide!
There once was a pirate named Bates
Who learned how tu Rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates!
CeeJay writes 1/3
A pallid young lady named Bright
Went to Spain on a cheap charter flight
Where the sun overhead
Turned her skin a bright red
Except for her ****, which stayed white!
The sage wonders: Foot? Leg? What, what?
Crone submits a classic 1/2
To his wife said the lynx-eyed detective,
"Perhaps my eyesight's defective...
Hasn't your east tit the least bit
The best of the west tit?
Or is it a trick of perspective?"
The Goddess writes 1/2
I was thinking to use a dildo
Or maybe give a nice blow
Though I could not lose
I just couldn't choose
What to give the 'ho!
Stan writes 1/2
Ginger's good friend was named Bob
Whose willie was shaped like a knob,
But with Ginger's deft hand,
His gland would expand
Till it looked more like corn on the cob!
Conan the Librarian submits a classic 1/2
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Said, "Balling is one thing I do know.
Llamas are fine
And sheep are divine
But goats are Numero Uno!"
Stan writes 1/1
Charl's pussy was really first class
And so was her tits and her ass
Her hand jobs were fine
Her blow jobs divine
Which she gave with a bit of pizzazz.
Kitten writes 1/1
There once was a man from landrucket
Who wanted to fuck it and fuck it
But he was real stuck
And just couldn't fuck
'Cause his penis could fill a large bucket .
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