AgricultureRowdy Jack writes 06/01/96A horny young farm wife named ClareUsed a cuke when her Luke wasn't there And by filling her quim With brine to the brim Made pickles to sell at the fair!
Bill Ron writes 11/13/96There once was a man from May WittsWho grew a garden of tits! They bloomed in the fall, Pink nipples and all, And he ran out and chewed them to bits! Amazing as it seems, Bill Ron, the most vilified Toast Point poet of 1996, is represented here. |
AnalStan the Man writes 06/17/96"Ginger," he said. "You're a tight one.""But nevertheless, you are quite fun." She replied, "Bless my soul." "You're in the wrong hole." "There's plenty of room in the right one."
Ogden Nield writes 1/19A greek-loving fellow from Mass.Would only butt-fuck a lass. Said his girlfriend, Miss Morse, "The man's hung like a horse - But he's such a pain in the ass!"
Little Richard writes 02/16/96Ginger, with buttocks so fairInvitingly raised in the air, I hope you don't mind If I mount you behind And come in your sweet derriere! |
AquaticRowdy Jack writes 09/04/96Says a diver: "My dear, you are sore, eh?From some dildoing on the sea floor ,eh? And pray tell me," he cries "What's that snake twixt your thighs?" "That's no snake," she replies, "that's a moray."
Rowdy Jack writes 09/26/96A skin diving couple named CreelFound marine life held special appeal His dick he would show fish 'Til blown by a blowfish While she got it on with an eel! |
AstronomyRowdy Jack writes 03/25/96From the world, his discovery brought cheers!From his wife, it drew nothing but tears. "For you see," said Ms. Halley, "He used to come daily, Now it's once every 76 years!" |
AutomotiveWriterman writes 11/27/96My auto - an older edition -Started leaking without my permission. It was always at night And the fluid was white - Diagnosis: nocturnal emission. |
BestialityAnonymous Bosch writes 1/4There once was a girl from ManilaWho gave head to a two-ton gorilla Now when she described The taste she'd embibed She stated, "It sure ain't vanilla!"
Paul Chernoffcher writes 06/03/96A sensitive spinster of DoverHeld her head in a sack till 'twas over. So she wasn't to blame That her paramour's name Wasn't Nigel or Dick, it was Rover!
Percy Longprong writes 05/24/96A boy from AlbuquerqueHad a past decidely muquerque - Allegations of rape With a ferret, owl and ape, And unspeakable things with a tuquerque!
Phred writes 05/01/96The miners in northern SaskatchewanAre complaining that all the good snatch is gone. They say caribou Make a pretty good screw, But they run so damned fast, you can't catch you one! |
BobbitryRowdy Jack writes 04/22/96She sought out his manhood and robbed it,Then from the car window she lobbed it! For she'd pledged to the stiff At the height of their tiff, That when his john waned, she would bob it!
Leonard Hall writes 04/08/96Ms. Bobbitt should not get awayWith castrating poor John while he lay! So here's my advice: She should pay him a price And consider it "severance pay"!
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CelebrityBlaze writes 07/22/96Madonna, you know, is with childAnd it's got theologians quite riled That her increase in girth May be called "Virgin Birth" Though her trainer's been fucking her wild! |
ChurchLIMBERICK writes 04/25/96A nun came into my place -She proceeded to sit on my face I felt the vacuum kick in Her twat sucked me right in And now I'm living in Grace!
Sumac writes 04/25/96An unfortunate parson named BirchHad a penchant for farting in church. This led not a few Who sat in his pew To go elsewhere in spiritual search!
Magunda writes 08/16/96There once was a nun from AltoonaWho loved the retreat in Laguna - The lesbian clan Massaged her with flan And consumed it by light of the moon...ahh.
BishopSheen writes 05/04/96"You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor"On your knees and pray to your Master! Foreswear saucy tarts With their temptuous parts. Raise my robe! Drop your shorts! And pump faster!" |
Fine WineWriterman writes 02/13/96CB says my cum tastes like wine -(Pussy-Foosay or Cha-bliss - which is mine?) This broad's got great taste - I'm accepting with haste - CB, I'll be your Valentine!
Stargazer writes 02/10/96To a flirty young girl from MarseillesSaid her uncle, the vintner, "Some day Some one of your fellas May start to grow jealous And ask you just which Beaujolais!" |
For the Joy of ItCeeJay writes 1/5Said the young and athletic Miss Berry,When asked why she was always so merry: "I take part in all sorts Of amateur sports, But my favourite is losing my cherry!"
Loman writes 02/20/96Priscilla, her breasts bouncing gaily,Liked to screw with a friendly Israeli. Just the thought of his shmuck Got her ready to fuck, Which they did six or seven times daily! |
Gilbert and SullivanJ. Patrick Adams writes 12/2Oh, I love to sing bad G&SBilly's words I can really compress Till they're so small and shiny, They fit in your heinie - Well, they're pearls, and improve the address! |
Kinky!Eirrab Snilloc writes 1/13A gourmet from old AlbuquerqueHad an id quintessentially quirky. On a dish he'd recline With his legs bound in twine And have himself stuffed like a turkey!
Anon writes 03/28/96An Indian girl in BelizeMade a dildo of corncobs and cheese. She fucked it quite boldly Until it grew moldy And gave her six strange STDs! |
LiteratureCeeJay writes 02/08/96By tradition, when guarding their sheepShepherds sing, play the panpipes, or sleep. But Little Boy Blue Prefers a good screw In the haystack with Little Bo Peep!
Stargazer writes 03/04/96Hamlet's pal was performing fellatioAnd was stunned by his width-to-length ratio. Quoth the Dane, "I've more girth Under heaven or earth Than you've ever dreamt of, Horatio!"
Derlang writes 11/05/96Said Oscar, while humping a chum,"Although I am ready to come, I've just thought of a line That's incredibly fine ... Do you mind if I write on your bum?" |
MarriageRowdy Jack writes 03/19/96Pleaded Jack with Estelle, "It's not wrong!"She replied: "My convictions are strong! Only bells from a wedding Will herald our bedding! First a ring, then I'll peel for your dong."
N. C. Glass writes 07/28/96An amorous girl from ChampaignTook on a young husband to train. Her joy knew no bounds, Though she lost several pounds For his hungers were just as profane! The poet's wedding gift for his wife...
Emily writes 12/10/96How bashful and shy my new Mrs.!She blushes beet-red at my krs. She hasn't the heart To sneeze, burp or fart, And denies that she poops and she prs.!
The Maddog writes 09/06/96'Twas 10 years ago I got weddedThen she chopped off my schlong, had it threaded! Now she keeps it in her purse And to make matters worse She only screws it back on when we're bedded! |
MilitaryQuilis writes 04/09/96A cute lady soldier named KayHad a hole that was three feet each way During sex, Sgt. Quinn Accidentally fell in And has since been declared "M.I.A."
A poet who might be Martin Wellborn writes 1/21Said Persian Gulf sailor LafargeAfter months on a mine sweeping barge, "Though I've WAVEd it and WACed it And tried to retract it, It's still up for a honorable discharge." |
Not Gettin' AnyWriterman writes "Alone Again - Unnaturally!!!" 05/07/96Being single is really the pits!All day long I watch jiggling tits! At night -- no one's waiting... It's just me... masturbating... With my dick -- not their tits-- in my mits!
OgThePoet writes 02/18/96"No men left for me... I'm not pleased!"Said the goddess, not quickly appeased. "The best ones are taken Or gay, or forsaken And the rest of the lot are diseased!
Al Willis writes 10/15/96I'm not married; I still live alone.And I have, since I broke up with Joan. "But what about sex? Do you have any prospects?" "It's not great, but I'm holding my own."
Justkicks writes 03/31/96A computer nerd got on the netAnd said "I haven't had cyber-sex yet". But she wasn't desirous She e-mailed him a virus And told him "that's all that you'll get!"
Writerman writes 06/20/96If you're lost in a funk and, alas,It's quite dark and you keep smelling gas, Good heavens above, You're not really in love, You've just got your head up your ass! |
PoliticsStan the Man writes 05/30/96Elizabeth's husband - old BobWas born with a very short knob - But with Elizabeth's deft hand, It could fully expand 'Til it looked more like corn on the cob!
Johnyrandy writes 10/20/96Poor Morris, whose pals call him Dick(A name that pure logic would pick) Enjoyed making merry Partaking of Sherry At two hundred dollars a trick!
Jeeves writes 10/24/96Said Slick Willy to the former Miss Rodham"There's two balls here and I am the one who's got 'em" Said she "True, you dumb hick" "Though you haven't a prick" "And your balls are well trained 'cause I taught 'em"!
Blackbody writes 05/04/96In the cloakroom said Gingrich to Dole,"That old war wound sure took its toll. The bodily harm That the Krauts did your arm Makes it useless for flogging your pole!" |
ProfessionalCeeJay writes 1/17A contortionist born in BengalKept her many admirers in thrall With erotic embraces: She'd muscles in places Where most girls have nothing at all!
Stan writes 1/4A buxom young thing, our Nurse NancyHad the hots for a doc named Tom Clancy But it wasn't his M.D. Which brought her to her knee Twas his willie that captured her fancy!
Jim writes 08/08/96There once was a waitress named JannaWho jerked sodas in Great Falls, Montana. But the cowboys took notice Cuz she jerked more than sodas And had a split better than banana!
Raging Bull writes 09/05/96A wan lexicon known as BorisWas fondling his sweetheart's clitoris. Said he, "No words have I To describe such hair pie. For that, I will need my thesaurus." |
ProstitutionHarrison writes 1/12I knew a young chap we called TimWho decided to go out on a whim - He paid for a whore, But got even more, When he found out the her was a him!
Stark writes 04/23/96There was a young woman named BrandiWho'd take off her dress for some candy Or for money for rent Or for just fifty cents Or for anything else you had handy!
The Barbed Bard writes 09/14/96A clever young harlot named GailHeld her annual one-cent sale - The results weren't surprising: It was good merchandising But awfully hard on her tail! |
RoyaltyWriterman writes 06/01/96Said the Queen to her husband the King,"Your cock is a beautiful thing! Its royal presence Humbles the peasants And causeth the angels to sing!"
Derlang writes 11/05/96Prince Albert and Queen You-know-whoWere doing what married folk do Cried the Queen, her heart drumming, "We're coming! We're coming!" "Ah, splendid," said Albert, "Us, too!" |
Self-ReferentialAnon writes 12/11/96What has happened to poets today?They've thrown rhyme schemes and meter away. They fuck up their verses With meaningless curses. What's worse is they post every day!
Stargazer writes 07/07/96Seems "naughty" is down on its luck;All its poets have chosen to duck. So I'll write, out of pity, This sweet little ditty --- Which is too clean to be here! Oh, fuck! |
SizeCB writes 04/01/96"I have the world's biggest tool,"Boasted Dick, making sweet April drool But then he undressed - 'Twas a calendar jest; He'd just made, of sweet April, a Fool!
JSE (aka Rowdy Jack) writes 03/21/96A camper with peter immenseSaid: "To carry a pole makes no sense! I just spread out a blanket, Crawl under and yank it. My orgasm's always in tents."
Stargazer writes 05/30/96Donald's dick was a scant several inches,But when stoked by his sweetie's soft pinches, It grew (so they say) Several sizes that day, Just like that heart of the Grinch's!
Stargazer writes 05/28/96Two lovely disciples of VenusSought a partner-in-crime with a penis; Though I started to pant, They said, "Surely we can't Let a small thing like THAT come between us!"
Anonymous writes 08/24/96There was a young man named ChrisAnd the women thought he was bliss! This amorous young fool........ i Had a twelve-inch tool........ h That was always oriented like t |
SpamGordon Peery writes 07/30/96Eating Spam on the porch in the nudeWas a habit the neighbors thought lewd, But when he donned clothing They didn't stop loathing - 'Twas the sight of the Spam they eschewed! |
UnfortunatesStargazer writes 02/13/96A desperate young lass from VancouverLiposuctioned her ass with a Hoover. The massive reduction Achieved by the suction Was generally thought to improve 'er.
Lazy Geezer writes...The woman who came from BelizeHad pubic hair down to her knees The crabs in her twat Tied it in a knot And constructed a flying trapeze! Those clever crabs. They were doing fun things last year too! |