The Toast Point Limerick Contest!

Squeaky-Clean Entries from October 1995

The Winners!

MJM writes 10/21

Gold Star! Cochrane, Shapiro, F. Lee
As slick as three lawyers can be
They persuaded the jury,
To take out its fury
On Fuhrman, and set O.J. free.

Govindhan Padmavijayam tells the Sage a thing or two 10/18

 Gold Star! This is a friendly piece of advice to the "sage"
"throw those scissors", do'nt incur my rage
a neatly worded limerick
can be clean, naughty and caustic
"Don't edit!", even if I mail in garbage !

Note from the Sage - Gar-bayge?

A poet who might be Arthur writes 10/2

Gold Star! I've researched my own family tree;
It's impressive, I'm sure you'll agree.
The chart, though immense,
Will, with effort, condense:
"From Cheetah to Tarzan to me."

Honorable Mention

Gary submits a non-limerick 10/26

I used to find my piece of mind sitting in a tree
Then one day someone cut it down, it fell atop of me
So if you are wandering through the woods looking for a frog,
You might find my piece of mind underneath a log.

MJM writes 10/26

Said Los Angeles D.A. Garcetti,
The defense was a bowl of spaghetti,
Thrown up on the wall,
To see what won't fall.
Justice turned into confetti.

Govindhan Padmavijayam,
Can't write a limerick worth a damn.
Most of the time,
They don't even rhyme.
Who's the only worse poet, I am.

The Sage would disapprove of a limerick flame war. Toast Point would be amused.

Conan the Librarian shares a classic 10/17

An epicure dining at Crewe
Found quite a large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting some too."

Govindhan Padmavijayam writes 10/17

There once lived a radio operator named Giovinda
Who hailed from an interior part of India
The captain thought he was real class
And lo! when the ship was in distress
All Govinda did was to send a dit and a dah !

There once lived a giant blue whale
Which ol' Bill put up for a discount sale
No one did ever come forward to buy
And he was the laughing stock of the passers-by
All they asked was "Bill, is the whale male or female"?

Wind Runner shares a classic something-or-other 10/17

There once was a young lass from Nantucket
Who did her dirty laundry in a bucket
But the wind came one day and blew her laundry all away
So she threw up her hands and said
Oh Pooh!

Big Rich shares a classic 10/14

There once was a lady named Bright,
Who could travel faster than light.
She left one day
In a relative way
And came home the previous night!

Brandy Olson writes 10/13

There once was a man named gordon
Who was certainly good at hoardin'
But his most favorite things
Were endangered with wings
Until he was caught by the warden.

J0yce writes 10/12

A hurricane by the name of Opal
Took Gulf Shores something awful!!
Ruined a property of mine,
(It was one of a kind!!)
And adjusters say, "It is a total!!"

Chauncey von Blatnik de Grope, Jr. writes

When seafood's a dish you are craving
And your talent lies in repaving
Lay your dish in the road
Till there's white lines on yer choad
"Now that's one schrod that ain't misbehavin' ! "

The Blundell's Poetry Group, Tiverton, England writes 10/1

A schoolteacher - Harriet Moss
Turned up for her class with her boss
To bring the headmaster
Turned out a disaster
Since his suit was such a dead loss

and...

A horror of pink cotton candy
When down at the beach, gets all sandy
Often melts in the sun
And congeals into one -
Continued ib next fortnight's Dandy

Note from Toast Point - typo here? Last line confusing to one such as I.

Jack Skellington writes 10/1

All Hallow's Eve is so scary
So small boys and girls, please be wary
Of corpses all bloody
And mummies all muddy
And werewolves with paws big and hairy!
Read the Squeaky-Clean Limericks from September or November!

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