The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Squeaky-Clean Entries from November 1995
The Winners!
Larry Dahl writes 11/30
When my PC gets tired of working,
It leaps on the Web for some lurking.
It openly smiles
When it peaks into files.
And it's not above flagrantly smirking.
My computer crawls out every night
On the Web with a grim apetite.
It will search by the hour
For bits to devour.
Then gobbles two cubed in each byte.
I concede my computer now knows
More each day for its memory grows.
But I still can't explain
How a silicon brain
Can know that I know that it knows!
Barrie Collins writes 11/29
Princess Di gave reporters the power
To interview her for an hour
And, with true British pluck
She trashed Liz and Chuck;
She's regretting it now in the Tower.
Barrie Collins writes 11/21
There are thousands of brands of computers,
Each of which has its own rooters;
And each rooter bristles
If yours has more whistles
Or klaxons or sirens or hooters.
Lisa the Limerick Lady writes 11/17
When you sneeze and you cough and you're achin
And you feel that your body is breakin'
Just try to recall
it's still only Fall;
Old man winter has yet to awaken.
John Futhey writes 11/11
"So you take your wife everywhere. Why?
She's so ugly she makes children cry!"
"Well, if I should roam
And leave her at home,
I'm obliged then to kiss her goodbye!
Spencer writes 11/7
The tile in my bathroom is striking
But it's not to my beloved's liking.
Rhonda rants, "Rose, not red!
What's wrong with your head?
Wear your helmet when you go out biking!"
Emma Basingstoke writes a multi-verser 11/3
These dreary cold days of November
Have given me cause to remember
That although I'm depressed,
In a way, I've been blessed -
At least I've a month 'til December.
I've never been fond of cold weather;
I can do without snow altogether.
When the geese fly due south
I get down in the mouth...
I guess that we're birds of a feather.
So picture me snug in my bed,
The covers pulled over my head.
Avoiding the winter -
The frosty tormenter -
And dreaming of summer instead.
Honorable Mention
Larry Dahl writes 11/30
A computer could help in detecting
The secrets that Clinton's protecting.
If there's no water gate
In Clinton's home state,
They'll need rapid white water inspecting.
Determining primes is a problem
Computers attack out of boredom.
I think it's a crime
Every number's not prime.
If they were, I could easily find them.
A computer who thought he was bright
Ray traced a companion one night.
The result, so it seems,
Was the girl of his dreams.
Now nothing he does is quite right.
Ed Hager writes 11/29
I sit on the Web all night and just cruise;
If I have a crash there is nothing to bruise;
While speeding along I thought that I might
Stop for awhile and check out this cool site
It definitely has the power to amuse.
Note from the Sage - Well, we try...
Kindell Keyes writes 11/29
I would love to feel the cool breeze and smell the fresh air
But I can't feel or smell from down here
Because everyone that is standing is about six feet tall
and compare to them I'm quite small
I guess I'm one of those people who get no respect at all.
Anonymous writes 11/27
There once was a nice man named Wumpus
A harmless old codger, a grumpus -
That was our belief
But Old Wump was a thief
When we turned our backs, he would jump us!
Ogden Nield writes 11/22
Melvin, who worshiped the Web
Was a nebbish - his friends called him "Neb!"
One day cast his eyes here
And won the first prize here
Now Melvin's become a celeb!
Guess Who (or is that whom?) writes 11/7
Sir Charles, a pompous old Briton,
Was friends with Sir Ed Bulwer-Litton.
Chuck gave him some light
On a dark, stormy night,
Now the worst lines of all can be written.
PumaCat writes 11/5
A mech going into battle one day
Turned suddenly and HEY!!!
What he thought was a log
Was really a Mad Dog,
And he got himself blown away.
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Squeaky-Clean Limericks from October or
December!
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