The Toast Point Limerick Contest!

Naughty Entries for September 1995

From Poets Who Are Irretrievably Lost!

The Winners (who need a good spanking)

Tony the Tiger takes the "Rah Rah" award with

Do cheerleaders wear cotton panties?
Pray, tell me your view of their scanties.
If you only see hair,
There's just air under there.
Which surely would many a man please!

Matt King grabs the "Resourceful" category with

There once was a man named Nate
Who couldn't manage a hot date
So he wrangled the bucks
For inflatable fucks
And purchased a girl in a crate!

A poet might be Martin Wellborn garners the Sophie Tucker trophy

While humping his wife in the sack
He remarked, "Dear, it's tits that you lack
And your crotch is too snug."
She replied with a shrug,
"You bastard, just get off my back."

The Fuzbear (aka Chip) grabs the "Golden Arches" award with

A musician who worked for "Les Miz"
Tried to exit the pit for a whiz,
But was stopped ere he could;
Wo, he pissed where he stood
In a cup, as he crooned, "That's show biz!"
Toast Point notes - the ring of truth to this limerick gives it its golden luster!

JohnD sweeps the "Political" categories

A clearly bemused Lawyer Hill
Eyed pubic hair topping her swill.
"I make you this promise:
If it's one from C. Thomas,
That homeboy be needin' some skill."

Gold Star! If you notice some sag in your tush
And you've given Weight Watchers the brush,
No need to feel sad
Or judge yourself bad -
You're surely less bloated than Rush.

His views are the match of his girth;
They're outsize and would attract mirth
But the ditto-head scrum
Is so glum or so dumb
That they egg on this not-upon-earth.

Oh, dearie, pontificate.
Politicos do it in state
Since they know they'll get warts
Without their cohorts -
But, Rush, go ahead, masturbate.

Dishonorable Mention

Rhubarb submits a classic 9/29

There was a young man named Victor
Who buggered a boa constrictor.
The result of this rape
Was a mile of Scotch Tape
And three reels from an old Tarzan picture.

Tonya R. Ford from Barrhead submits a classic non-limerick 9/29

Old Miss hubbard went to her cupboard
To get poor Rover a bone,
and when she bent over Rover took over
And gave her a bone of her own.

J0yce writes 9/24

I think that my new dog is Dachshund
I got him for free at the dog pound
When he rides on my knee
With his thing used to pee
I wonder, does he think I'm a horehound???

Neal Hunt shares a classic 9/24

There was a young lady from Thrace
Whose girdle got harder to lace
'Til her mother said, "Nellie,
There's more in your belly
Then ever got there through your face."

Tom Mix shares a classic 9/20

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates
But a fall on his cutlass
has rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates
Note - a variation on this classic was submitted in August.

Matt King writes...

There once were multiple verns
Who liked to frolic in ferns.
They took off their pants
And did their little dance;
One comes when the other one yearns.

and shares a classic 9/20

There was a young man of Strensall
Whose prick was shaped like a pencil.
Anemic, 'tis true,
But an interesting screw,
Inasmuch as the tip is prehensile.

Mr. Wine writes 9/18

An endowed birthday boy named Ed
Just couldn't wait to be fed.
Such a blow did he make
To extinguish his cake
That his pecker exploded instead!

and shares a classic 9/18

There was a professor Collossal
Who found the most interesting fossil.
He deduced from the bend
And the wart on its end
T'was the peter of Paul the apostle.

Mike Hanafin shares a classic 9/18

There was a young prince from Khartoum
Who lured a poor girl to her doom
He not only fucked her
But buggered and sucked her
And left her to pay for the room!

C.D.C. writes 9/18

There once was a man named McGruder
Who went to see a nude and he wooed her
The nude thought it rude
To be wooed in the nude,
But McGruder was shrewder and screwed her!

and shares a classic too!

There once was a man named Bill
Who took an atomic pill
His navel corroded
And his asshole exploded
And they found his balls in Brazil!

Mr. Wine shares a classic 9/14/

There once was a man named Lafarge
Whose dick was exceedingly large
His razor he'd hone
On the end of his bone
And lather his face with the charge.

William Ted writes 9/10

There was a young man from San Dimas
Who had such an enormous penis
All the women would cry
As they went by
Please let us share it between us

caspian@gate.net writes 9/9

There once was a girl named Dyna
Who had a smelly vagina
It stunk, and it reeked
And when you fucked it, it squeaked
How do ya like the vagina of mine-a?

Mikey writes 9/8

There once was a teacher at school
Everyone thought she was a fool
Though her name was Ms. Pope
She is hooked on dope
But we still think she's pretty cool!
Note from the Sage - This isn't naughty, but it's not squeaky-clean, either. What to do, what to do...

Big Mike in Oz writes 9/7

Said the prostitute dropping her towel
There's only one rule that I follow,
You can insert your shaft
In holes fore or aft,
But its output I never will swallow.

Mr. Wine shares two classics 9/3

A mathematician named Paul
Had an octangular ball
The cube of its weight
Plus his pecker times eight
Is his phone number....give him a call.

There once was a woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in Buckingham Palace.

Claureen Blytche writes 9/2

A strange man once offered me candy
And I said "Oh, sure, that'd be dandy!"
I knew that his goal
Was really my hole
But that's OK, I'm always randy!

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