The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Naughty Entries from July 1995!
The Winners!
Anonymous sweeps the Current Events category:
Newt Gingrich, the head of the House
Once fell in love with my spouse
"I'll divorce you!" I screamed
"If you DARE touch his thing!"
She said, "Don't worry, it's as small as a mouse!"
A poet who might be anyone, but is Michael Donn,
wins the Public Transportation category:
A hard-headed cabby named Peter
Was asked by a fare if he'd eat her.
He said, "It's not free.
I will only agree
To go down while I'm running the meter."
53-MERC takes the "Manners" competition with this genteel entry:
Dildos are touchy at best
especially applied to a guest.
"I imagined a meal,
Not a long latex eel,"
One huffy invitee confessed.
Dishonorable Mention
Chumley writes 7/24
Lady F. is a frigid gold-digger
Who suffers from mortis de rigor
So cold she scares mice
Her sucking on ice
Doesn't melt the cube, but makes it bigger.
53-MERC writes 7/14
Dildos are touchy at best
But they'll not let you down at the crest;
First, jiggled, then twisted,
Then rapidly fisted,
They'll outlast ten peckers if pressed.
Note: the sage likes this, but prefers 53-MERC's winning entry above.
Anonymous writes 7/13
The tile in my bathroom is striking
The girl in my shower's a dykeling
She's a sweet fine young thing
and she makes my heart sing
And performs very much to my liking
53-MERC writes 7/13
"A horror of pink cotton candy"
Was the way that I'd once described Mandy,
But she proved me untrue
When her fingers just flew -
she's not only randy but handy.
Hefty writes 7/10
There once was a man from Darjeeling
Who played with his tool with such feeling
When he finally shot
All the fluid he'd got
He had covered the walls and the ceiling
Mark writes 7/10
One day horny young bulls in Petroff
Had no cows with whom to get off.
They couldn't stand waiting,
Began masturbating:
The invention of Beef Strokingoff!
Muriel writes 7/3
Benny just makes this girl shiver
Just thinking of Bjorn my loins quiver
When I start to spasm
For a girl-girl orgasm
Agnetha and Frida deliver!
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June or August!
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