The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
Naughty Entries for August, 1995
The Winners, None of Whom are Pure at Heart!
In the "Professional Behavior" categories, Mr. Wine wins with:
There was an old dentist named Eddie
Whose tool was perpetually ready.
A young lass in his chair,
Was caught quite unaware
When she saw that his drill was so heady.
In the "History" category, Jonathon G. shows his scholarship with:
Queen Elizabeth's amorous beau,
In order his love for to show,
He stood on one leg
Guzzled down half a keg
And spelled "God Save the Queen!" in the snow.
Pope takes the "Current Events" category:
(and sweeps this category in the Squeaky-Clean section, too!)
The bum-patting Senator Pack
Would never use frontal attack.
He came from the rear
With too little fear.
His cause has effect: it's the sack.
The "Pun" Award goes to Pearl B. Sheridan for:
A poet, poor son of a bitch,
Must refrain, if he happens to itch,
From an action so crass
As scratching his ass
For his "culture" is keeping him rich.
There once was a pirate named Bates
Who tried to rumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Now he is nutless
And practically useless on dates!
The "Foreign Affairs" trophy goes to Glenn Calvin for:
There once was a man of Morocco
Who did dip his wick in hot choco
Letting out a loud yelp,
He went running for help,
For he'd seared off the tip of his cock, OH!
Buster wins in the "Prowess" category with:
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
The elegantly-named Saffonda Cox wins the "Discretion" award:
Were you a more elegant chap,
I'd ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg'd, like a swami
For 'hide the salami',
But it seems that you're ill with the clap.
Dishonorable Mention
Mr. Wine shares a classic 8/28
There once was a woman named Alice
Who pissed in the archbishop's chalice
She later decreed
That she did it from need
And not out of Protestant malice.
Mr. Wine also submitted the following variation on Glenn Calvin's
stormy weather limerick:
There once was a man from Dooglass
Whose balls were made of spun glass...
kathiw@innet.com writes 8/27
A young man deprived of young women
Did visit a whorehouse in Drimmin
When he walked in the joint
Went direct to Toast Point
You could say that his butter was brimmin'!
Note from Toast Point - it was a temp job! Honest!
Note from Kathi - No, no, it's a reference to the point at which
"toast is done"!
Note from Toast Point - Oops...
Al Willis writes 8/24
He played show and tell with his Pam
He showed her what looked like a yam.
Then, in a flash, she
Said, "This came from the sea."
And she showed him her bearded clam.
The mounted cop on his beat
With his horse, tried to be most discreet.
But the horse couldn't stop it,
He just had to drop it,
On that odoriferous street.
Jonathon writes 8/23
The sex act's a curious thing
It's a "bang", "tryste", "boff" or a "fling",
A "schtup","ball" or "fuck"
Are all ways to say "fuck
Her 'joy box' with your "ding-a-ling'"
Note from the Sage - Jonathon is respectfully requested
to submit two different words
that rhyme for lines 3 and 4.
Glenn Calvin, Prescott Arizona!! shares a classic 8/17
(and Mr. Wine offered a variation)
There once was a man from Madrass
Whos balls were constructed of brass
He clanged them together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass.
and writes, with Jeannen Napolitano
There once was a man with one nut
Who found himself in a large rut.
When he'd screw missionary,
He'd become rather wary
Of losing it up his girl's butt.
mozowin@icon-stl.net writes 8/15
I see by the size of your member
That you were born in September
If I looked at your nose
I could tell how it goes
But maybe I won't remember
Sam Morrison writes 8/15
There once was a man named Clagg.
Who fell in love with a hag.
When asked why,
He looked at his fly.
And said it's better than being a fag.
Toast Point looks offended. "Don't knock it..."
Bill Wolcott writes 8/15
Bill was a young blade of sort
Whose dick was remarkably short
When he got in bed
His gay friend said
This isn't a dick...it's a wart
Toast Point remarks..."Autobiography?"
Raunchy writes 8/13
If you really like sucking a cock
You'd better not look at the clock
'Cause sucking takes time
And if it is mine
I'll shoot it off like a glock
Anonymous shares a classic 8/12
There once was a man from Arass
Who spread himself out on the grass.
With no little trouble,
He bent himself double,
And stuck his prick well up his ass.
Ed Hirsch writes 8/11
There once was a man named McNall,
Who had these magnificent balls
Said a woman he knows,
"Hey what good are those,
When your dick is as flat as the walls?"
dstark@eznet.net writes 8/10
There once was a fellow from Venus
Whose head had the shape of a penis.
Said he, "If you please,
Since they don't help me breathe,
No condom should come in between us."
Buster writes 8/8
The bulldyke once said to the femme,
"Quit your lusting ad hominem.
I'm queer and you're free.
And this dildo you see?
Up your bum it will go greased with phlegm."
Said Chloe effecting a schism,
"I'm seeing as though through a prism:
Those groans that I heard
As the world became blurred
Imply that my head's drenched with jism."
Diana Prince writes 8/2
I see by the size of your member
You're as hot as a blazing coal ember!
So slicken that mast -
And hon, make it fast -
This girl's not been poked since December!
Elsa Champion writes 8/1
My pussy is big, black and furry
And toothy, which makes my men worry
But gently I soothe them
It only chews 'em
If they're in too much of a hurry!
Read the naughty limericks from
July or September!
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