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The Toast Point Limerick Contest!
The Best of 1995!

Squeaky-Clean Entries

Welcome!

Toast Point writes: Here are the Sage's choices for Best Squeaky-Clean Limericks of 1995. Most of them were gold star winners, but some were not - a board review determined their worth after the first judging. Enjoy, and congratulate the winners!
The Arts Celebrity
Computer Games
Holiday Marriage
Politics Public Transportation
Science Self-Referential
Sports

The Arts

Artie the Jungle Troll writes 6/4

The opera's a terrible bore
That Carmen's no more than a whore.
Snored through Rigoletto
(Forgot the libretto)
And what's that darned racket, the score?

Celebrity

Larry Dahl writes 12/3

Sharon Stone is so icily stunning,
Not to mention deceptive and cunning.
A woman like she
Could make any man flee
But he'd surely look back while he's running.

Barrie Collins writes 11/29

Princess Di gave reporters the power
To interview her for an hour
And, with true British pluck
She trashed Liz and Chuck;
She's regretting it now in the Tower.

MJM writes 10/21

Cochrane, Shapiro, F. Lee
As slick as three lawyers can be
They persuaded the jury,
To take out its fury
On Fuhrman, and set O.J. free.

Computer

Victoria... writes

A computer is just a machine.
You could never call it obscene.
So if you turn red,
From words that it said,
It's YOU who knows what they mean...

Barrie Collins writes 11/21

There are thousands of brands of computers,
Each of which has its own rooters;
And each rooter bristles
If yours has more whistles
Or klaxons or sirens or hooters.

Games

Victoria... writes

The great battle was heavy and hot
I just had to connect with each shot.
But then, full of dread
I found myself dead,
So I put one more coin in the slot...

Holiday

Ogden Nield writes 12/9

Although liquor was Ogden's delight,
Ev'ry night he'd get high as a kite!
"One night I abstain."
He said with disdain,
"New Years Eve is Amateur Night!"

Millicent Friendly writes 6/12

One cannot express the elation
Of flying off on on a vacation
And finding the locals
(The nice ones, not yokels)
Engaging oneself in flirtation!

Marriage

John Futhey writes 11/11

"So you take your wife everywhere. Why?
She's so ugly she makes children cry!"
"Well, if I should roam
And leave her at home,
I'm obliged then to kiss her goodbye!

Politics

Larry Dahl writes 12/28

Newt has a plan with potential.
He hopes to prove Bill non-essential.
For if Clinton must go
On a federal furlough,
Then Newt can appear presidential.

and on 12/1

My computer will morph Robert Dole
So his features resemble his soul.
But wait! That's no fun.
It's already been done.
No wonder he can't win a poll!

Public Transportation

Ogden Nield writes 12/12

A man of the Jewish persuasion
Hated cabs - took the bus on occasion.
Sounds funny, I guess
But the old I.R.S.
Got him for "taxi" evasion!

Science

Beaker takes the "Botany" trophy with

An "outdoorsy" chick, fond of hikin'
Soon learned she prefered mountain bikin'.
For, when hiking on rocks
"Yuckies" stuck to her socks.
(Itchy, crisp, crunchy grungies called "lichen".)

Self-Referential

Larry Dahl writes 12/5

I'm probably wasting my time
Perfecting a limerick's rhyme.
It's better to give them
Immaculate rhythm
For then they can reach the sublime.

Sports

His Peace writes

There once was a young man from Lyme
Who scored a goal for the very first time!
The young man was glad
But his teammates were sad
'Cause he hadn't changed sides at half time!