The cool night air rushed into his lungs as he gasped for another breath of life. This was no literal thorn in his thigh nor a bullet - it was his old friend Jack. Jack never left his side in all these years. Yeah, good old Jack Daniels. Marley took another look at Jack and said "You been with me all these years and never left my side. You are a true friend". Marley struggled one last time to kiss his longtime companion good-bye.
His soul separates from his body and he meets the one who really hid behind the name Jack Daniels. This friend is called .....
"Life's tough in this town", Marley thought, wincing as he
labored to
extract the bullet fragment from his thigh.
"Those boys should have thought a little longer about their plan
to rob you" stated Deputy Bob. "It's tough being the barber in
this
town along with being the sheriff and the mayor" replied Marley.
"Whats we gonna do with them there dead bodies lying in the
street over
yonder?" Bob asked.
"We'll throw them in the river after we's had our self some grits
and
steak."
The house had lain dormant for decades, perched there on Coogan's
Bluff. Nothing had
disturbed its slumber since the burning time.
That is, until now. The Brianites were a rare breed of
Extra-Terrestrials from the planet Bob.
In addition to their repulsive appearance, the
Brianites lacked even the slightest amount of
real intelligence and quite often lost their way in the
universe when attempting to explore their own planet.
The small group of Brianites flew from galaxy to galaxy,
searching for their home of Bob.
Alas, the Brianites gave up their search for planet Bob and
settled for a place of similar consistency; Earth.
"What is this?" Captain Brian1 asked his fellow Brianites,
lowering the ship in front of the deserted house.
"It appears to be a silent, harmless mass, Captain."
Brian2, the wisest, carefully observed.
The Brianites stared in awe at this sight as they gathered around
the
windows. "Then we must attack it!" Captain Brian1 triumphantly
exclaimed.
With one swift dive, Joel cut the water like a
knife through butter, or a spoon through jello.
At first, moving through what he thought was water was easy.
As he continued he felt a slight resistance through every
stroke. He noticed that the water was turning from a clear
blue to a mint green color before his eyes.
All of a sudden a dark green shadow was beneath him in the
water. He immediately started to flail around in the
solidifying mint green substance.
Suddenly, an old Ford van stopped to give her aid. A charming young man rolled down the window and asked "Do you need a ride somewhere, babe?" Mary's world suddenly got bright again. She jumped in the passenger's seat and thanked the nice young man. All she could think about was Stan, and how she longed to be with him. A big smile appeared, as well as a strong feeling of euphoria. "I can't thank you enough for giving me a ride!", Mary shouted. The young man replied in a cocky voice "This ride ain't free, lady". And stopped the van.
Before Mary could react, a hand from behind her appeared and pulled her to the rear of the vehicle. She began to scream while being stripped of her blouse. The driver and another young man began to pull off her tight jeans. Wearing only a bra and panties, Mary began squirm. The driver began to punch her in the stomach while his friend kicked her crotch repeatedly. After beating her to a slight squirm, they peeled off her panties, it was a group effort, and they liked what they saw.
Joel's sister set aside her grief for the moment and took charge of the situation as her cop instincts had told her to do. She dashed down to poolside and dove in to retrieve the body. She dragged the limp corpse to the dry cement and examined the wound. She found that it was a bullet hole. "Who would have shot Joel?", she asked herself although she knew the answer. She looked up at the crowd for some clue and spotted a man running toward the gates. She knew there was no way for her to catch him, so she stayed with the body. Security guards came rushing at her and she withdrew her soggy badge from her back pocket and informed them that she was Detective Joline Barnsworth, the victim's sister. She told them that she saw what she thought was the assailant running out and a screech of tires confirmed her suspicions. "Why had Joel gotten himself mixed up with those thugs?" she asked herself.
"Whuh" came the sound from the bathroom. Rolling her eyes, Thyla whumped on the door and said "Hurry up, you asshole, we'll be late! And we don't want Moldy in our face." A muffled expletive was heard as the toilet flushed and Fred, bleary-eyed stumbled out in a cloud of foul odor. "Geez, you stinking pig! Whadya eat last night, burritos?" Thyla sneered as she stomped out of the room.