The
Toast Point
Bad Fiction Contest!
Entries from December, 1996
Back Jacket Blurb of the Month
Mistress of Rogues
by Rosamond Marshall
WEAPONS OF LOVE - In flight from her brutal husband, blonde
Bianca fell into the hands of the puppeteer, Belcaro. She soon
learned he wanted her as bait, to snare the most profligate princes
of the Renaissance.In exchange for power, Belcaro passed her
from rogue to rogue. Until the night he found he could not resist
the ravishing courtesan he had created.
But by that time, Bianca
knew him for the monster he was. And she was ready and waiting -
with all the weapons of her amorous career!
Ms. Marshall is
also the author of Rogue Cavalier and The General's
Wench.
Current Entries
Poolwater begins a Mystery novel 12/17/96
"Life's tough in this town", Marley thought, wincing as he labored to
extract the bullet fragment from his thigh. He was still somewhere hours ago, his head wrapped in a smoke and bourbon haze like a wet towel that a cat had used for a john. The barbecue tongs danced in his numbed fingers like a watusi girl auditioning for the last spot in the late show of the city's cheapest dive. Marley knew he was staring down the barrel of a hideous morning, and that with bleary, half-focused eyes still swimming in the last round. O'Leary had kicked him out around 3:00, long after the other lowlifes had crawled, slinked, or been dragged home to their four walls and a hotplate. "The difference is," Marley thought, with a twist of irony to match the movement of the tongs against his thigh, "I don't belong there. I'm watching them, hunting danger, looking for clues to the big mystery." Marley thought back to the last clue he'd found. It took him a while. Oh, yeah. The tequila. And then this slug in his leg. He couldn't walk so good, but there were a couple of clues worth selling your grandmother to Vinnie and his candystripers down on the wharf for. Marley dropped the tongs in disgust and wished he had a cigarette, or at least some self-respect. There was no choice left. He reached for the intercom button.
A.L. Guy begins a Horror novel 12/16/96
The house had lain dormant for decades, perched there on Coogan's Bluff. Nothing
had disturbed its slumber since the burning time. "The burning time." A painfully simple name for the unimaginable terror that ran rampant through this area. Blood flowed here and innocent people perished. Did I say innocent? No, they were just in the way. Things, objects to be used. Unfortunately, "used" meant something horrible indeed.
The author comments, "I love this stuff!"
Jack the Dawg submits a Canine Christmas Poem
A Visit from Spot Phydeaux, Canine Sleuth, on the Night before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the dog-pound,
Not a mongrel was howling, not even a hound.
It was quiet in the kennels, with folks gone for the night,
And no one in heat, so no reason to fight.
The pups were all nestled quite snug in their cages
Carpeted with recent newpaper pages.
They'd just chowed down on kibble and bisquit,
Though they dreamt of steak and maybe a brisket.
I stuck my face through the bars; with my nose gave a sniff,
And I swear I caught a faint scent -just a whiff
Of a dog that I once knew a long time ago.
Yes! I'm quite sure it must be - Spot Phydeaux!
I hadn't seen Spot for years; he's a big canine sleuth,
While I - if I'm forced to tell you the truth -
I'm only a mutt who never did much
But bark, chase cats, and raid trashcans and such.
That's why I've been sentenced to life in this pen
With no parole or chance to start over again.
A cat's got nine lives but a dog only one;
So I'll never see the outside, never have fun,
Never play dead or sit up or even fetch sticks
For a loving family who'd reward my tricks
By giving me my own big juicy fresh bone.
But I'm not going to bitch and moan
That I lead a dog's life; that's all there is to it.
Hey! It IS Spot Phydeaux, I just knew it
Must be, but why is he here
On this, the longest night of the year?
What's that in his teeth? It looks like a key.
Oh! He's opening the cages, he's setting us free!
What a great Christmas present - a chance to break out.
If I weren't limited to barks and whines, I would shout.
My cage door swings open, Spot growls "Now git!
This is no time for you dogs to play dead or sit.
I've sniffed out your records - there's been a big frame.
You committed no crime, so why take the blame?
I may be known as a sleuth, but I'm a dog at heart,
So I'm giving you mutts a fresh chance for a start."
We dash away, dash away, dash away all!
This way to freedom - we're over the wall!
We rush down the streets through the new-fallen snow;
We don't know where we're headed, but we do know to go.
We howl out of joy, we howl as a pack,
But still we keep running and never look back.
We run to the town square where there's a brightly lit tree-
Where, savoring our freedom, we all stop to pee.
Hey, we're dogs - we must leave our mark -
Before we leave, we'd like as a group to bark
"Merry Christmas!" to you from each canine fellow,
And - oh, yeah - don't eat snow that is yellow!
Chuck Dixon continues A Christmas Curl 12/8
Last Month's Entries |
1995/96 Archives
Back to the Bad Fiction Greeting Page |
Back to the Toast Point Page!